Need Advice on Relationship

[Metalus]

Ill try to make the story short.
I met that woman 5 years ago when i started getting into GC and general seduction stuff. At that time i had fairly poor fundamentals and didnt know how to approach girls in general.
When i met her she rejected me but i didnt chase her at all. We occasionally met with friends like 1-2 times a year but i never made a move on her again.
2 Months ago i saw an opening - i did make a move on her again.
This time with better fundamentals and game i got a date. It was awesome ( she told me it was the best date she ever had ).
We are now meeting and having sex for a month. But even though the sex is amazing she keeps telling me that she doesnt want to hurt me and isnt sure if she can be in a relationship with me.
That basically puts me in the role of the chasing guy here.
I think she has problems mainly with the fact that im older (11 years: 34 - 23) and she is taller than me ( a few cm ).
Now im not sure why she is telling me that or how i should react to this.

My thoughts:
She will be coming tomorrow and the intial plan was for her to stay until wednesday.
I wanted to tell her that we shouldnt meet anymore. It feels like she is not 100% into it for whatever reasons.
This might lead to 2 options:
1. She agrees, in which case the "relationship" is over. Its gonna hurt coz i really like her but at least i can go looking for someone else.
2. She says she doesnt want it to end in which case she kinda commits to the relationship and im not in the role of the chasing guy anymore.

What do u guys think about this "plan" ?

 

[Seppuku]

We are now meeting and having sex for a month. But even though the sex is amazing she keeps telling me that she doesnt want to hurt me and isnt sure if she can be in a relationship with me.
That basically puts me in the role of the chasing guy here.

Are you sure you're not the one chasing for the relationship here?
Check for yourself, what you communicated to her, either consciously, or unconsciously (body language, behavior, etc...). You're likely the one chasing for the relationship. That doesn't work, it's neediness v2.0. The relationship should be coming from her.

I think she has problems mainly with the fact that im older (11 years: 34 - 23) and she is taller than me ( a few cm ).

Not sure what has been discussed between the two of you, but the man being older than the woman is usually not a problem. I would know, since all my girls have about twenty years less than me.

I wanted to tell her that we shouldnt meet anymore. It feels like she is not 100% into it for whatever reasons.
This might lead to 2 options:
1. She agrees, in which case the "relationship" is over. Its gonna hurt coz i really like her but at least i can go looking for someone else.
2. She says she doesnt want it to end in which case she kinda commits to the relationship and im not in the role of the chasing guy anymore.

What do u guys think about this "plan" ?

Ending the relationship is a very extreme option. If you really want to do that, then be ready to do it for good. You can't break then unbreak, that would really kill off your frame and weaken you in the future with respect to her.

Instead, I would suggest to simply reduce your investment in her. See her less often. Do less stuff with her. Stop engaging her on the topic of "relationship". Fuck her good, go out, get other girls. Get her chasing you a little and invest into you. And get her progressively into a relationship *if* she comes back to you and invests more than you do. It has to be coming from her.

Seppuku

 

[Metalus]

Thanks for the reply.
I was already thinking the same. From the beginning of the relationship i tried not to look needy. And i tried not the chase.
I think i did a decent job on that but it feels like im still the one who is investing more.

After i told her we could talk tomorrow she asked back if everything is right.

What do u suggest i write back ? I actually thought about not writing back at all but that looks weird as well.
Any advice on what i should talk about tomorrow (since i now brought up this topic) ?

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

Ultimately you decide what to write, say or not say. But my advice would be to *de-escalate* this. "Talking about the problem" actually makes the problem becomes real.

If you are really, fundamentally unhappy of where you are with her now, maybe it's better to stop seeing her at once.

But otherwise, try this. De-dramatize the issue. Tell her all is OK. Tomorrow, engage her about some smaller issue (since you already brought up to the topic). In any case, remain cool and collected and do not make unnecessary big mountains. But then, moving forward, you scale back your investment. Keep seeing her, but like once a week, and keep it at a more casual level with her. Take time to see your friends. Try to talk to new girls. Enjoy your life. It is important that you stay happy.

Remember the push-pull? It's one of these very effective tools. Use it here in the context of your relationship. You "push" her a little by reducing your investment. Then watch her (hopefully) take a few steps in your way (increase her investment). Then reward her (pull) by re-increasing yours. All this, hopefully, without an ounce of drama and without lecturing her. (Which doesn't work).

In the future, with her or another girl, remember to always watch the balance of investment. Ideally, she's invested more than you, like 2 to 1. Ideally, you're the one to keep it casual (at least in the beginning), and she's the one to seek the relationship. This is usually more healthy!

Now it's all yours.

 

[dcman]

Seppuku advice is in point her .

Wanted to mention that I feel that you may not have screened the chick well to know why she does want to have a relation currently.

We are now meeting and having sex for a month. But even though the sex is amazing she keeps telling me that she doesnt want to hurt me and isnt sure if she can be in a relationship with me.

When you reconnected did she break off from a relationship ? has she been exclusive only with you ? You may have to screen her more to understand why she may be hesitant to have a relationship.

think she has problems mainly with the fact that im older (11 years: 34 - 23) and she is taller than me ( a few cm ).
Now im not sure why she is telling me that or how i should react to this.

I do not like taking actions or worry about things without knowing if there is any merit in them. I have always found debriefing a girl right after having sex with questions like what she thinks about me, what does she find special in me etc get the truthful answer . Just have sex as usual and ask her the questions afterwards. Do not ask why she does not like you but more about why she likes you ? why she likes spending time with you ? as these would help answer them.

Hope this is of help.