Need your help out of this almost hopeless situation please!

[Anonymous]

Here's your typical story of an idiot (me) screwing things up with a girl and falling hopelessly for her in the process wanting your advice to get her somehow...

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So there's this girl who I met through a common friend of ours (she's a close friend of my friend's girlfriend). Since we stay in different cities, we started texting initially and slowly got to talking on the phone.. Everything was great and we had a great rapport. We used to talk into the night sometimes but not in a flirting way.. Guess I just wanted to get to know her initially. I came to know that she was looking for a long term relationship, and so was I, so I was happy.

Then I asked her out on a date and she said yes, we had a wonderful time, I made her laugh etc. I successfully steered ourselves into the second date, and to my joy she was completely into me, and we had a great time. However, I also committed my biggest mistake. You see, I read her wrong, I thought she was the conservative kind. Also by then I had started liking her so much that the determination to not screw up everything dominated my thoughts.... And I didn't get her into bed even though I had ample opportunity to. (Yes, go ahead and scream at me - I deserve it)

After that she starts getting colder towards me and stops being in touch so often. I was at a loss to figure out why it was going wrong (keep in mind, I hadn't started reading this site yet) and I asked her openly what the problem was. She said "let's just be friends". Initially I was really upset but then I said OK, and I started having a good time with my other girl friends and showed her that I was having great fun without her. I began to notice that she started getting a little jealous, and I managed to get talking with her again. We had a couple of long phone calls and almost regular texts. And then... SHE even invited me to go clubbing with her and some friends for new year's.

I refused saying I had other plans, and that made her angry (she hung up on me). By then I figured that she did still like me. The next day I called her and said I was going on this trip for new year's and she could join if she wanted. She agreed in a jiffy! This confirmed my belief that she was still into me, so I went on another date with her that weekend, had a pretty nice time, and at the end I told her that maybe this friendship thing wasn't going to work and that I wanted something more... I kissed her on the cheek (with the intention to getting to her lips eventually) and she pulled back..!

She told me that although she started talking to me with the intention of seeing me, priorities had changed and she didn't have space in her life for a boyfriend, and that she now wanted to focus on her career. Needless to say, I was pretty shocked and upset. However I managed to keep my cool and told her that it was ok and that I understood. She still wanted me as a friend and she was still enthusiastic about the new year's plan. Next day she calls me in the morning to wake me up, and we talk for a bit. I was trying to act all normal, and I even asked her to introduce me to some of her hot friends.. And I've asked her that several times since then. Each time she jokes about it and refuses to introduce me to anyone. This is the point where I started feeling like she was giving mixed signals... And I felt that maybe she wanted me to pursue her.. She has (I think) tried to make me jealous by talking about how hot some of the guys she's met are, and how mesmerized she was with some others.. On the other hand, she never calls me and it's always me calling her up. She occasionally doesn't reply to texts either. Once when I called we spoke for 3 hours. Another time she didn't even answer my call or call me back. Yet she responds to my compliments and was happy when I said she looked sexy in a pic.

Two weeks later from our last date we are all ready to embark on our trip for new year's, and I come to know that she has made this trip in spite of some very compelling reasons to cancel it (work etc). She's still very warm towards me and we both seem to be enjoying each other's company. There was a little bit of touching (nothing very inappropriate). That night we got drunk (me a little more than her) and I once again tried to kiss her. She pulls back for the second time and says to me that everything was made clear then why are you doing this.....
I kinda lost it then and although I didn't get angry or anything, I tried to convince her (second mistake.. wait it gets worse...) that we would be good together. She said no. However, after this incident she got a little more touchy and I asked her to reconsider. She said she would.
The next day everything started out well, and it seemed for a while that she was really reconsidering the matter and that she would eventually come to me - she couldn't stay away from me at all and we were together all the time. I bought her an inexpensive bracelet which I knew she wouldn't like, but she still wore it anyway.. There was a lot of hugging and pecking on cheeks etc. That night we slipped into bed together and cuddled a lot (me doing most of the cuddling) but didn't have sex (trust me there was no consent). In the morning when we woke up she was lying in my arms and I whispered in her ear to be my girlfriend. She said no again, and my heart sank to a new low.

And this is where I totally screwed it up: Through the course of the day I started persuading her... Oh who am I kidding.. I started pleading with her. I started giving all sorts of reasoning and logic.. And of course it didn't work. She only started getting more and more determined (obviously) to not be my GF... She said that although I was the closest guy friend she had and although she did like me as more than just a friend, I wasn't her type, that in any case she wasn't looking to be in a relationship, and that she didn't like me enough in that way to out with me even if she was.. (OUCH!!!!!)
By midday I completely gave up on the whole thing (thankfully). Obviously, she still wanted to be good friends. We ended the day and the trip by me being devastated by the turn of events.

That was 3 days ago. I haven't spoken to her or texted her since. Fact is, she is a great girl and perfectly compliments me in almost every way, and I can see ourselves settling down and having a life together, if only she'd let me in....! Also, fact is, I'm hopelessly in love with her.

I know what advice you're going to give me: "GET OVER HER, YOU DUMBASS!!"
But please don't say that. I know I could move on and find someone else, but it took me about a year after getting over my previous break-up from a 4 year relationship to find a girl this good and similar to me in so many ways.
I need some way to get her in my life somehow, please please help me with this. I much appreciate your taking the time to read my post and would be really grateful for your support and help.

 

[Jay]

Re: Need your help out of this almost hopeless situation ple

Johnsmith,

Dude, I understand where you are coming from.

I had a similar situation with a girl awhile back, where I had numerous opportunities to have sex with her and further my relationship with her, but despite my relative skill in seduction, I knew nothing of relationships at the time, and had never been truly in love with a girl before until her, so I decided my best bet was to take it slow (even when every fiber of my being screamed NO).

I will give my girl one thing, she was god damn patient. She talked to me, constantly and exclusively, without doing ANYTHING for about 2 months. But eventually she started ducking me, and I found out she was talking to other dudes. This led me to chase her even more, and culminated in an awful series of drunken texts, sent out while I was blackout drunk in a bush in my friend's front yard (you know you are fucked up when you fall down in a bush on the way to your friend's front door, and just lay there, in plain view of the street, because you can't get up), that basically lambasted her for not loving me back.

Now this girl is awesome, because she didn't tell anyone at our high school this happened. She actually responded with complete confusion, because the ultra slow way I was taking shit had made her think that I had friend zoned her! The worst part is after this, I kept talking to her in the same slow way and did it again two weeks later (same ultra drunk circumstances, minus the bush). After that one I wisely apologized for my alcohol problem and stopped talking to her for awhile.

About a month later she texted me, and we went out to eat together. I explained myself, and she understood, and now we are pretty good friends despite going to different colleges. I actually am probably going to try to make something happen with her in a month or so when I go to her college to visit some of my boys from high school there, which I think will work; it has been over a year, she called me very drunk the other night asking me why me and her never worked out, and I have my personal game and process down to a science now (though I'm still learning and improving every day).

That whole incident was actually what led me to search on the internet for advice, a search that led me to GC. Once there, I discovered both why I was so good at one night stand hookups, and why I was so bad at relationships, and learned a lot of other shit as well that led me to improve to who I am today.

So basically, I know what you are going through, and from what I have read, you handled this a lot better than I did a year and a half ago.

Everything you did between screwing up by moving too slow and freaking out pleading with her to be with you involving toying with and testing her jealousy was very well handled. I think if you had just coupled that with not calling her and instead letting her ONLY call you, you would have succeeded at this. If she was truly jealous, which I believe from what I read she obviously was, you could have easily switched the chasing power to yourself in the relationship by stopping calling her and allowing her to squirm a bit; she would have eventually caved.

But 'what ifs' won't help you, and you did screw up big time by losing your cool over New Years, which I attribute a bit to alcohol if I read the story correctly (alcohol is easy to rely on for confidence and a chance at lowering a girl's inhibitions, but has in my experience been 99% a negative thing when combined with very emotionally volatile situations where staying calm, cool, and unaffected is crucial to attaining your goals).

I know that this is not what you want to hear, but please hear me out, because I have been through this sort of situation before; the absolute best thing to do right now, both for your sanity and for your chances of ever getting together with this girl, is to exit her life for now.

You need to cut your losses, get out amicably (show her that it doesn't really affect you that much without being hurtful, maybe even make up another girl who has caught your eye), and bide your time. Talk to other girls, get some practice, and come back in time. You can always keep trying now, but I don't see that course of action leading to anything but more heartbreak for you man.

Hope this helps,

Jay

 

[PinotNoir]

Re: Need your help out of this almost hopeless situation ple

I'm fairly new to the game, but here is what I would do in this situation. Take it or leave it.

First, don't call or text her. End of story. Go on dates with other women, etc. Then if she contacts you or you run into each other in person, just talk normally without saying anything about liking her, etc. And here's the kicker... If she asks why you haven't gotten in touch in so long, tell her that you have been going on dates and that it leaves little time to talk for long periods on the phone with just friends (I hate to say it, but lie if you need to about this). Adjust this sentence to your style and what you think would get the best reaction. You don't want to say directly, "I can't talk with you." By saying "I just don't have time for friends," it directs it at friends in general and not straight at her. You don't want to emphasize resentment here, etc., just honesty, and you want her to start feeling left out of your life, jealous, etc.

Normally, I'd say forget it.

However, if you really have to, put a certain time on when you will contact her if she doesn't contact you. You want a time that feels a little uncomfortable. I'd say 3 weeks or longer. After the 3+ weeks are up, then simply send a text message. You want something a little interesting, but not tryhard, and you don't want to ask her to do something in the first message (like "hey, want to grab a coffee?" -- sounds like you have been thinking about her for the past 3 weeks absence). After a couple of a messages, then ask for coffee to catch up if her replies sound good.

After meeting up, honestly, I don't know how you're going to recover from this. What you 100% do NOT want is another "hey I like you" and then a "sorry, I don't like you still" conversation. You also don't want to go in for the kiss and get turned down again also. You're going to have to really put the tease on with no direct initiation. It will be tough, but you will also learn a lot. If you somehow manage to pull it off, it will be amazing, and you'll have to share it with the rest of us.

Final point. It sounds like she was using you (maybe not intentionally). I'm sure she's a nice and sweet girl, but that's the truth. She wanted a "cuddle buddy" and a "talking buddy." She wanted a close gay friend. Do you really want to be the guy talking endlessly with a girl that you're not even making out with?? You're getting all of the negatives of a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship without any of the added benefits. It's fine to have close girl friends, but she's draining your time, energy, and making you depressed. If you need to, tell her that you would like to be friends, but you need a few months to get over her and to not contact her. That's what it sounds like you truly need.

 

[Jay]

Re: Need your help out of this almost hopeless situation ple

Johnsmith,

I have said my piece, but in addition I would like to stress that you not say something like "I don't have time for just friends" as an excuse to get out of a conversation with her. No matter what way you word that, I promise you it will come across as a snipe at her, and if she believes you are being spiteful, you will have crossed a line that it will be nearly impossible to come back from, especially considering the circumstances of this. Instead, just say you have to go or you are busy. Other than that, everything Pinot said rings true.

Jay

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Need your help out of this almost hopeless situation ple

Johnsmith,

Dude, I understand where you are coming from.

I had a similar situation with a girl awhile back, where I had numerous opportunities to have sex with her and further my relationship with her, but despite my relative skill in seduction, I knew nothing of relationships at the time, and had never been truly in love with a girl before until her, so I decided my best bet was to take it slow (even when every fiber of my being screamed NO).

I will give my girl one thing, she was god damn patient. She talked to me, constantly and exclusively, without doing ANYTHING for about 2 months. But eventually she started ducking me, and I found out she was talking to other dudes. This led me to chase her even more, and culminated in an awful series of drunken texts, sent out while I was blackout drunk in a bush in my friend's front yard (you know you are fucked up when you fall down in a bush on the way to your friend's front door, and just lay there, in plain view of the street, because you can't get up), that basically lambasted her for not loving me back.

Now this girl is awesome, because she didn't tell anyone at our high school this happened. She actually responded with complete confusion, because the ultra slow way I was taking shit had made her think that I had friend zoned her! The worst part is after this, I kept talking to her in the same slow way and did it again two weeks later (same ultra drunk circumstances, minus the bush). After that one I wisely apologized for my alcohol problem and stopped talking to her for awhile.

About a month later she texted me, and we went out to eat together. I explained myself, and she understood, and now we are pretty good friends despite going to different colleges. I actually am probably going to try to make something happen with her in a month or so when I go to her college to visit some of my boys from high school there, which I think will work; it has been over a year, she called me very drunk the other night asking me why me and her never worked out, and I have my personal game and process down to a science now (though I'm still learning and improving every day).

That whole incident was actually what led me to search on the internet for advice, a search that led me to GC. Once there, I discovered both why I was so good at one night stand hookups, and why I was so bad at relationships, and learned a lot of other shit as well that led me to improve to who I am today.

From what you say, if she's called you up drunk that means you're on her mind. I'm sure it'll work out when you go there in a month. Let me know how it goes..

So basically, I know what you are going through, and from what I have read, you handled this a lot better than I did a year and a half ago.

Everything you did between screwing up by moving too slow and freaking out pleading with her to be with you involving toying with and testing her jealousy was very well handled. I think if you had just coupled that with not calling her and instead letting her ONLY call you, you would have succeeded at this. If she was truly jealous, which I believe from what I read she obviously was, you could have easily switched the chasing power to yourself in the relationship by stopping calling her and allowing her to squirm a bit; she would have eventually caved.

Sigh... "If only".... Now that you say it, that's what I should have done. But I was clueless at the time about how this stuff works. Even though I've been in three committed, long term relationships previously..
I just have my fingers crossed that I can get her to feel that kind of jealousy again.

But 'what ifs' won't help you, and you did screw up big time by losing your cool over New Years, which I attribute a bit to alcohol if I read the story correctly (alcohol is easy to rely on for confidence and a chance at lowering a girl's inhibitions, but has in my experience been 99% a negative thing when combined with very emotionally volatile situations where staying calm, cool, and unaffected is crucial to attaining your goals).

I know that this is not what you want to hear, but please hear me out, because I have been through this sort of situation before; the absolute best thing to do right now, both for your sanity and for your chances of ever getting together with this girl, is to exit her life for now.

You need to cut your losses, get out amicably (show her that it doesn't really affect you that much without being hurtful, maybe even make up another girl who has caught your eye), and bide your time. Talk to other girls, get some practice, and come back in time. You can always keep trying now, but I don't see that course of action leading to anything but more heartbreak for you man.

Hope this helps,

Jay

Yeah, I'm practically out of her life right now.. I only hope she doesn't think that I have stopped talking to her because I have feelings for her. I want her to think that I've gotten over her..
In the meantime I'm also wary of vultures circling above her.

I'm fairly new to the game, but here is what I would do in this situation. Take it or leave it.

First, don't call or text her. End of story. Go on dates with other women, etc. Then if she contacts you or you run into each other in person, just talk normally without saying anything about liking her, etc. And here's the kicker... If she asks why you haven't gotten in touch in so long, tell her that you have been going on dates and that it leaves little time to talk for long periods on the phone with just friends (I hate to say it, but lie if you need to about this). Adjust this sentence to your style and what you think would get the best reaction. You don't want to say directly, "I can't talk with you." By saying "I just don't have time for friends," it directs it at friends in general and not straight at her. You don't want to emphasize resentment here, etc., just honesty, and you want her to start feeling left out of your life, jealous, etc.

Normally, I'd say forget it.

However, if you really have to, put a certain time on when you will contact her if she doesn't contact you. You want a time that feels a little uncomfortable. I'd say 3 weeks or longer. After the 3+ weeks are up, then simply send a text message. You want something a little interesting, but not tryhard, and you don't want to ask her to do something in the first message (like "hey, want to grab a coffee?" -- sounds like you have been thinking about her for the past 3 weeks absence). After a couple of a messages, then ask for coffee to catch up if her replies sound good.

Yes, good idea. I'll peg it at one month. Within that time hopefully she'll call or text me for some reason or other. If she asks about my disappearance I was planning to say that "I was really embarassed about all that I said and did during the trip, that it just wasn't me to say stuff like that, don't know what came over me" etc... "Normally I don't say stuff like that for anybody, don't know what I found so special about you that made me say all that....." And yeah, I'll add the bit about being really busy too.

What do you think? Good idea??? Or will it backfire?

After meeting up, honestly, I don't know how you're going to recover from this. What you 100% do NOT want is another "hey I like you" and then a "sorry, I don't like you still" conversation. You also don't want to go in for the kiss and get turned down again also. You're going to have to really put the tease on with no direct initiation. It will be tough, but you will also learn a lot. If you somehow manage to pull it off, it will be amazing, and you'll have to share it with the rest of us.

Yes this is true. Looks like my one and only option is to make her chase me somehow. There's no way in hell I'm going to repeat "I still like you" or try to kiss her. Once the month is over and I establish that I don't need her/that I'm over her completely, I can get to work on getting her to come after me for a change.

Final point. It sounds like she was using you (maybe not intentionally). I'm sure she's a nice and sweet girl, but that's the truth. She wanted a "cuddle buddy" and a "talking buddy." She wanted a close gay friend. Do you really want to be the guy talking endlessly with a girl that you're not even making out with?? You're getting all of the negatives of a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship without any of the added benefits. It's fine to have close girl friends, but she's draining your time, energy, and making you depressed. If you need to, tell her that you would like to be friends, but you need a few months to get over her and to not contact her. That's what it sounds like you truly need.

You know, I wondered about this myself. Why would she be so warm otherwise and not reciprocate my physical approaches? Now that you've said it, I feel it might be true. But again, I don't think it's an intentional thing. That she's attached to me on some level is plain to see.
But rather than tell her that I want to be friends, I'd prefer showing her that I'm over her and then working to make her come to me this time. I'll be needing the forum's help to formulate a plan to do that, please.

My biggest fear is that she's going to get whisked away by some other guy during my cooldown period. In fact I believe she's already talking to a few other guys. Cant' be helped, I suppose. Funny thing is, I am 100% sure that I am better than all of them in so many ways.. I just need to get her to realize that..

Thanks Jay and PinotNoir for your inputs. Much appreciated!
I would also love to hear any more insights... !

 

[Lanoa]

Re: Need your help out of this almost hopeless situation ple

I did not really spend much time reading extra carefully through the whole thread though I would say two things judging from what I've seen:

1. Realize that there are other girls. Go out. See them. And then move on and start working on taking them.

I know, you are in love and this could this and that, I've been there too. It is always hard to outwit emotions. Love is beautiful, but really ask yourself if this happening right here shares some of it's rather significant qualities. You sit here, contriving plans, wondering, wishing, imagining. You could be doing a lot of other stuff that would help you enjoy your life and get your skills better right now. The girl gave you a pretty firm sign that she is not interested, yet you stay around.

I think you are more afraid of losing your image of her with you, fearing you will not be able to find such girl easily. The girl herself can be great and pretty or whatever else you could say, but it is mostly the image of her you keep holding on. Before you try to reject this, remember that the things you wish you could be doing with her are exactly that: wishes. It did not happen yet. You are holding onto them as they seem too good to let go, but you better do that if you want to let your mind be free. I doubt she spends time thinking about you as much as you do. I suggest you wade through the blog and forums and check the topics about abundance and the dangers of getting held up on one girl.

I had a tough time realizing that I was doing this,fooling myself, imagining, planning, yet never actually doing anything of value with 'that'. I was, for long. Nothing good came out of it. Exceptions prove the rule.

2. Reading your response I noticed that the condition of white-knighting is springing up in you. As I said, remember there are other girls. Think of yourself. Think of your future. And don't cry over spilled milk. It is in you and you are the only one who can do something about it.

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Need your help out of this almost hopeless situation ple

@ Lanoa:

Thanks very much for your reply. I do see the wisdom in your words. However, consider the following:

1. We're very close to each other.
2. She considers me "more than a friend".
3. I'm at least her 'cuddle-buddy' at the moment.
4. If I call her out someplace, she will come with me (even if it's one to one).
5. With a lot of girls, persistence pays off (at least I've read stories of girls turning down guys saying they'll never be together, only to wind up together at some point down the road).

It looks like I've got a few things going for me. Don't you think I have a chance with her if I recuperate from my embarrassing actions during New Year's and show myself in a slightly new light to her when I get the chance?

 

[Franco]

Re: Need your help out of this almost hopeless situation ple

Hey john,

If you want my truthful, honest opinion... this seems very dead in the water. Also, this set off a big red flag for me:

My biggest fear is that she's going to get whisked away by some other guy during my cooldown period. In fact I believe she's already talking to a few other guys. Cant' be helped, I suppose. Funny thing is, I am 100% sure that I am better than all of them in so many ways.. I just need to get her to realize that..

If you are worried about her getting whisked away by other guys before you have even slept with her, then you have firmly placed yourself in the "one-down" position. You've done just about everything you could possibly do to prevent yourself from moving things forward with her. This includes spending too much time with her, attempting to kiss her without the proper framing, trying to logically "reason" with her in why you two should be together (this one is a major 'ouch'), buying her gifts (another 'ouch'), and other things that are just emphasized as big "no-nos" on this website.

This website is not about helping you get girls that you messed up with -- instead, this website is about helping you recognize where your mistakes were, helping you recognize these mistakes can be corrected because picking up women is a 'skill,' and helping you recognize that there are plenty of women out there with all of the qualities you are looking for if you are willing to put in the effort to learn how to go out and get them.

I know I could move on and find someone else, but it took me about a year after getting over my previous break-up from a 4 year relationship to find a girl this good and similar to me in so many ways.

This is because you have not been actively "looking" in the way that we emphasize on this website. You said it yourself: you met her through a common friend. If your only source of meeting women is through common friends, then your pool is going to be extremely limited. So the only reason it has taken you a year to find a girl like this is that you haven't been actively looking for one.

Yes, good idea. I'll peg it at one month. Within that time hopefully she'll call or text me for some reason or other. If she asks about my disappearance I was planning to say that "I was really embarassed about all that I said and did during the trip, that it just wasn't me to say stuff like that, don't know what came over me" etc... "Normally I don't say stuff like that for anybody, don't know what I found so special about you that made me say all that....." And yeah, I'll add the bit about being really busy too.

What do you think? Good idea??? Or will it backfire?

Not a good idea. At this point, you need to completely forget that she even exists. The reason I say this is that you are only going to be waiting by the phone for a month just to possibly find out that she's romantically linked to another guy, and it is going to shred you apart emotionally. Instead, I would recommend to start going through the articles on this website and learning to go out and pick up new women. And believe it or not, this is actually your best bet for getting her back... and that's if you even want her back at that point!

If you don't know where to start, this is a good place:

https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34

As a side note, if/when she does contact you, do not apologize for anything. Instead, you need act as if you are trying to "friend zone" her because you have found someone else. Eventually, she might invite you somewhere alone with her and you can make an attempt to change your framing there. Do not bank on this though. Go out and meet new women.

Good luck to you, john.

- Franco

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Need your help out of this almost hopeless situation ple

@Franco: Thanks for your post. You've no idea how helpful it was.

Over the past few days I've been thinking about all the stuff that I did wrong with this chick. I cringe at every one of them: in fact if it was me in her shoes, I wouldn't date me either.
Thankfully I have realized it at least now, and I can stop myself from making all those mistakes again (EVER).

At this point, you need to completely forget that she even exists. The reason I say this is that you are only going to be waiting by the phone for a month just to possibly find out that she's romantically linked to another guy, and it is going to shred you apart emotionally. Instead, I would recommend to start going through the articles on this website and learning to go out and pick up new women. And believe it or not, this is actually your best bet for getting her back... and that's if you even want her back at that point!

As a side note, if/when she does contact you, do not apologize for anything. Instead, you need act as if you are trying to "friend zone" her because you have found someone else. Eventually, she might invite you somewhere alone with her and you can make an attempt to change your framing there. Do not bank on this though. Go out and meet new women.

Yes, this is exactly what I've been trying to do. Once I realized that I screwed up big time, it was easier to understand why she behaved the way she did, and it was easier for me to get moving. I was trying to get her out of my mind and my life completely (and not without anguish) AND.... THAT'S WHEN SHE TEXTED.
Thanks to advice in this post and articles I've read, I know now what to do. In fact she's been texting me for the past couple of days saying mentioning some (actually genuine) reasons. I'm replying in one-words and staying aloof.
So what do you think, if I play my cards very carefully this time, do I have a chance of making things work? I really hope I haven't screwed up too badly to prevent that.

 

[PinotNoir]

Re: Need your help out of this almost hopeless situation ple

So what do you think, if I play my cards very carefully this time, do I have a chance of making things work? I really hope I haven't screwed up too badly to prevent that.

Just don't worry about it, man. Be cool. You're doing fine with the short texts.

Anytime you feel stressed, just repeat this mantra:

If she knows how bad ass of a guy I am, she will chase me. I've already put the hard work in and exposed myself and my feelings; now it's her turn. If she's not into me, then no big deal. I would rather be someone who wants me, and there are millions of gorgeous, interesting, and like-minded women just waiting for me. Right now, they are sitting at home depressed because they haven't found me yet. I just need to go out there and find them! I owe them and myself that.

You can toy with this in the meantime, but don't let it run your life. It's just one girl. And if she doesn't see how awesome you are, then she's choosing to be blind, and it's time for you to find someone that can see.

 

[skin_man]

Re: Need your help out of this almost hopeless situation ple

I don't mean to take the spotlight off Jay's story but I was just in a mix like this within the past week. (Mix referring to a girl giving off mixed vibes about liking me) I'm grateful that I found this website a while ago cuz I did what I would not "normally" do. Normally being before I made contact with this site)

Here goes:

I met this girl at work, she had come with an female aquaintance of mine. She saw me as the chief of my staff and as I was interviewing her, she was rather excited to speak to me. Eventually after the talk with both of them, she asked for my facebook name. I was flattered to say the least so I gave her. When I got on her page just to browse I thought she seemed like a nice girl to go out with. SO My first message was: "You found me." <chase-framing from the start>

From then we kept talking and i asked her to ring me that night. She said she would like to but she was on a different call. After a while i asked her out. She sounded surprised because we only just met that morning and she thought I was into the other girl and not her. (Infact she felt she could be the middle woman for both of us.) but I made her see that there was "no need spending any moment to waste when I see someone whom I could attempt to connect with intellectually and otherwise". She agreed to this date. On the day, she flaked but sounded like she was blaming me for not coming> I knew it was cuz she was shy cuz she had told me earlier that she would be shy. \

She asked me out next. Then flaked again. At this point I was not sure what to do so I read chase's post on mixed signals and saw some symptoms LOL.

By the middle of the week she was talking to me rather often. It was tight(not cool) in a way cuz she was using facebook primarily. We didn't meet again until back at work - Two weeks after we first met. (Between these weeks we had been chatting. Her talking more than I was as the Chase standard is.) After work, i lured her to my place by telling her to join me to get "something" from home.

WHen I got home, asked her to take of shoes but she had poor uptight body lang. After attempting to move her closer she began saying she ddnt like me THAT WAY YET. I thought yet?? ANd then tried to stop myself from going into a logical reasoning WITH her about why we could work out. I asked her what she meant tho and she said she ddnt think she knew me enough, that I rarely answered her questions about me. (I had been trying to use intrigue in our convos. - brother!). In the end she got up and tried to leave but i kept her around then before she left I told her she'd make a good friend and called for a hug. As we stood hugging in the silence, I noticed her melt into me. Then I kissed her neck and as I kissed it she melted more. Before I could go into the manhandle kiss she moved away and looked coy and shy but left smiling.

When she got out she texted me immediately. I didnt reply. By this time my patience was running out but when I texted her (2 hours later) she said she liked that I had kisssed her neck but it was only for the reason she had given (Too much intrigue) that she stopped herself. I tried to use that to set up a second date but she said she would LET ME KNOW. (ANother symptom of mixed signals). Then she began telling me about that friend of mind who was my aquaintance that I should hook up with that one instead. It felt frustrating but I tried to stay cool. This was over text so she couldn't see my reaction. By that night, when she messaged me, we talked a bit then she brought up hooking up with that other girl again. That infact disgusted me and I have not messaged her since. Neither has she. (Well she had the last word after I QUICKLY excused myself from the chat).

The last thing I did was call her out on her mixed signal behaviour. OUCH! I don't think that was the best way to deal with that but maybe it was. I just want some input on that.


Should I have stayed and stuck with her even though she was saying she'd let me know?! I've put the seduction on hold. -- It ddnt really mean i didn't like her. I just thought she was acting a fool on purpose to make me not like her, while saying sweet things that she hoped would keep me around. Plus, after that first failed attempt to kiss her, i think she might grow cold naturally cuz of unmet emotions

Thanks Guys. Came here because of this most recent situation.