New guys a story from a woman's perspective. Important to understand.

[Sophisticated Gent]

I was with my daughter yesterday. She is 25 and single. She is very smart and emotionally strong. I knew she had a date and asked her how it went. She said it was extremely strange. The guy drove 2 1/2 hours to her place. They went out and she said that was good. They went back to her place. They had been talking before the date, I guess on the phone but it could have been by text. Anyway pre-date he told her he was in town previously to do some work. Then when they were back at her place he came clean and told her he was in the local hospital because he had tried to commit suicide and was going through psych stuff. Of course my daughter said this sent alarm bells off in her head. Then he told her he was falling for her. She said oh my God. Then being the person she is she told him that he was not in love with her and that he was in love with the idea of being in love. That was the end of the date and relationship. Why do I bring this up? Because of some of important points for young guys.

1. Don't lie to women. It will only come back on you. They are very perceptive.
2. Do not tell a woman about your emotional problems until you are in an established relationship unless you want to scare her off. A woman wants a strong man both physically and mentally. Nothing scares a woman more than a man with mental issues.
3. Get involved with a lot of women. I am talking about approaching a lot of women. The more women you approach the more you will realize that they are not goddess to be worshiped. They are humans to be treated on the same level as you. Of course there are women who think they are better than most guys but they are not the norm. Most women are friendly and caring people.
4. Your fears are in your head. Women will like you. The guy that dated my daughter was scared to death. You are your own worst enemy. What bad things you think will happen when you approach women are way worse that what will happen. It will be much better than you think.
5. If you focus on one women, you will find you are putting her on a pedestal that she does not want to be on. You will lose the male dominate role and she will not like you. Until you are comfortable around women do not focus on one woman. Focus on many.
5. Realize that when you were in high school, everyone (mostly the girls) made a big deal of being in a monogamous relationship. This is not how it should be. There are 7.3 billion people on this earth. Half are women. Out of 3.65 billion women there are a lot more than one woman who will be interested in you. The thought that there is only one person for each of us is pure BS. There is a high degree of compatibility among people.
6. We are mentally brainwashed to think we are not good enough for certain women. They are not in our league. This is complete bullshit. Because of this we are afraid to approach women we think are out of our league. Do not believe this. Your friends may give you shit when you approach hot women. That is because they have been brainwashed also. You will strike out with many beautiful women but you will succeed with some also. This is true with all women. No matter how they look only a certain percentage will be interested in you. You have to sift through to find those that do.
7. Do not watch romance movies. They are all fantasies that are not what real life is like. Romance movies are designed to fill a woman's fantasies about the knight in shinning armor. Women think they want this but if you treat a woman like this she will reject you. She wants to be dominated not catered to.
8. Do not watch porn. They are fantasies designed to arouse men to get them to spend money. If you try to have sex with a woman like they do in porn movies you will do a poor job. The porn movie is designed to show you the woman's body so you get turned on. It is not about being a lover that a woman wants. Read some of the articles here to learn how to be a good lover.

Take a lot of time and read the articles on this site. You will become a stronger and better person. They will pull you out of all the falsehoods we have been taught and will give you the reality of how to interact with other people.

 

[Drck]

Good post.

I would also fix this: Do not tell a woman about your emotional problems until you are in an established relationship"
>>>> get your emotions under control, you want to be more emotionally stable, non-reactive. Avoid any drama, focus on being more (emotionally) independent. You don't want your happiness to be dependent on girl's approval, or whether she likes you or not...

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Drck,

Good point. I watched my brother and my dad go through this needy shit. I really believe guys go through this because we have be fed a line of crap on how we are to act with women. If we were trained with Chase's teaching from the time we were 5 the world would be a different place. I also think that girls should have a parallel training. If we all knew how to interact with understanding how the opposite sex works the amount of crap that goes on in this world would decrease significantly. During the 60s the peace movement said we should all get along. The problem was no one knew how to understand each other in an opposite sex situation. The whole Madonna/whore complex causes so much stress and anxiety in our world. If a man you understood that when you approach a woman she may or may not be sexually attracted to you and it is ok if she isn't because there are many other women who will find you sexually attractive. You just move on to the next woman. There is no need to have your ego crush and to feel you are worth a shit. Like the guys say in here NEXT. At first I thought this was harsh but now I realize it is necessary to finding women you are compatible with. Don't spend days, weeks, months or years trying to romance a woman who is not interest. It is a very poor and futile use of your time. NEXT. They are out there waiting for you.

 

[Franco]

BigDaddySc,

I also think that girls should have a parallel training. If we all knew how to interact with understanding how the opposite sex works the amount of crap that goes on in this world would decrease significantly. During the 60s the peace movement said we should all get along. The problem was no one knew how to understand each other in an opposite sex situation. The whole Madonna/whore complex causes so much stress and anxiety in our world. If a man you understood that when you approach a woman she may or may not be sexually attracted to you and it is ok if she isn't because there are many other women who will find you sexually attractive. You just move on to the next woman.

It's actually not quite that simple. At first glance, ridding the world of Madonna/whore complex seems like a dream come true, but there are reasons (that benefit the majority of us "normal" guys on this website who do not look like Greek gods) that it is also extremely advantageous.

If you want the full explanation, I highly suggest checking out Alek Rolstad's article on this here:

• Why We Don't Live in a Sexual Utopia

- Franco

 

[Estate]

Thanks for sharing a true story man.

Unfortunately, this stuff seems to go beyond really pickup or seduction and more about how to "sort your shit out".
I've known some guys who'd be like this, maybe not to such an extreme! But nevertheless, guys who'd get infatuated and start calling a girl they barely knew, their girlfriend.
The same guys tend to be very needy in general, not just with women and will only be too willing to dump their problems on you if you give them half a chance.

Part of it comes from the "scarcity mindset" but not just in pickup but with people and life in general.

I think it must actually be scary for a girl to be put in that situation. The problem is... the guy probably didn't even think he was lying to her. He probably fully thought he was in love with her, simply because some was paying him attention. Obviously he put on a front on the date just long enough.

As mentioned already... this is all about sorting out your personal and emotional state before even getting involved in pickup or dating. Nobody is going to "save" you. When you're in this sort of mental state, it's a very dark state and your mind and thoughts are just not logical. Actually getting involved in pickup, I feel is more detrimental to things, though these guys feel the girl will fix them or save them or validate them... but the problems remain even if they find a girl to go along with it. It's a shame, I only hope some guys out there can see where their priorities should lie.

To a lesser extent it's like that "good guy" mentality. Where the guy truely believes he's such a nice guy. But infact he's probably the most decieving and manipulative person there is. His words and intentions are not true to his "nice guy" persona, he puts on infront of women he wants to get into the pants of, yet would drop anyone else on a dime.

 

[ray_zorse]

As mentioned already... this is all about sorting out your personal and emotional state before even getting involved in pickup or dating. Nobody is going to "save" you. When you're in this sort of mental state, it's a very dark state and your mind and thoughts are just not logical. Actually getting involved in pickup, I feel is more detrimental to things, though these guys feel the girl will fix them or save them or validate them... but the problems remain even if they find a girl to go along with it. It's a shame, I only hope some guys out there can see where their priorities should lie.

To a lesser extent it's like that "good guy" mentality. Where the guy truely believes he's such a nice guy. But infact he's probably the most decieving and manipulative person there is. His words and intentions are not true to his "nice guy" persona, he puts on infront of women he wants to get into the pants of, yet would drop anyone else on a dime.

To be honest my experience is a little bit different.

I certainly see where you're coming from and you do have to sort your shit out before you can become SUCCESSFUL at pickup, yet certain strides can be made just through learning external game and that's how it happened in my case. I honestly did not realize I was codependent or that I had nice-guy issues until after I started trying to pick up girls. It was difficult for me to stop doing stuff like qualifying myself or emotional vomit on people and this was a first clue to me that something was up. But it was my approval-seeking behaviour that really got me researching, firstly to "No more Mr Nice Guy" (for the approval seeking) and from there to "Healing the Shame that Binds You" (for the codependence). This in turn led me to "Codependents Anonymous" which has also been quite helpful. I still find it difficult to hold eye contact.

TBH there's no specific thing I have done to fix these problems, but just being aware of them and monitoring my behaviour, plus big improvements to external game and certain improvements to inner game (confidence, self esteem, abundance, positive reference experience) have all helped enormously. So telling dudes they need to sort their shit out independently of pickup is unhelpful IMO (Sasha Daygame also does this in his ebook, just dismissing half his potential readership with one casual paragraph saying to get your shit sorted so you can start being your unfiltered self).

Chase's advice to focus on external game initially, with actual step-by-step, concrete instructions, is FAR more useful. A smart dude (in which category I include myself) will quickly figure out that he's experiencing diminishing returns with external game and start looking deeper. In my case it was kind of weird though, because I progressed relatively quickly to my first cold-approach lay in only 5mths, but further progress was quite difficult. I put this down to being SOMEWHAT social and calibrated in a strange kind of way, sort of like a functioning alcoholic, even if certain parts of my personality were disabled or under-developed. Now due to PU I'm quite integrated.

Ray

 

[Smith]

As mentioned already... this is all about sorting out your personal and emotional state before even getting involved in pickup or dating. Nobody is going to "save" you. When you're in this sort of mental state, it's a very dark state and your mind and thoughts are just not logical. Actually getting involved in pickup, I feel is more detrimental to things, though these guys feel the girl will fix them or save them or validate them... but the problems remain even if they find a girl to go along with it. It's a shame, I only hope some guys out there can see where their priorities should lie.

My experience was similar to Ray. Before I got my first lay, I always thought I could sort out the lifestyle stuff after I started getting laid, but after I got my first couple of lays, I realized I'm still the same person and no girl could ever "save" me. That's when I started to focus on lifestyle and sorting my shit out. I feel like you have to go through this experience in order to fully realize what your priorities are. When you haven't had any sex in your entire life, sex just seems more important than "sorting your shit out", which is kinda ironic because sorting your shit out will actually make you more attractive and less needy.

I feel like if you want to take the "sorting your shit out" first approach, you need a coach who can actually be there to guide you and figure out what your problems are. A youtube video(s) or an article will simply turn into mental masturbation. Also, taking this road won't really guarantee women will be instantly attracted to you. You still need to learn how to relate to them, but it means you're coming from a healthier place and have high self-esteem that "rejections" won't really hurt you any more. It's about building a solid foundation, so you don't get burned or destroyed.

 

[Estate]

Nobody says you have to "fix every thing" before you can start learning.

I just mean if someone has bigger issues. Like the guy in the story. Learning some pickup lines are not the only thing you need to fix. I just hate seeing guys being fixated on it only to learn they are still unhappy after.

This is only one part of life. Not everything.