Hey guys, I just joined today after reading a couple articles. What led me to the articles was going through the wonderful experience of finding out the girl I really care about slept with another guy and then finding out nothing was going to happen between her and I. What is even worse is how much of a fool I was. I kept trying to hangout with her and she always kept delaying; this kind of shows how she doesn't give a dame about me. It feels humiliating, overall crappy, and I never want to go through it again. There's more to this story between her and I but I don't feel like writing it. I just want to know how do I act towards her now in person and over text? I'd rather ignore her but I don't want her to know me finding out about the guy affected me. If any of you went through a similar experience, what did you do?
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2013
- Messages
- 865
Good to have you on board, Shade 
Finding out she's sleeping with another guy is a hard pill to swallow. If you feel you can, best thing you can do at this point is cut contact completely and work on improving your skills with women overall. There's a bunch of material on the site and forum; now's the time to apply it! Use this forum as a journal of your journey.
~Nick
Finding out she's sleeping with another guy is a hard pill to swallow. If you feel you can, best thing you can do at this point is cut contact completely and work on improving your skills with women overall. There's a bunch of material on the site and forum; now's the time to apply it! Use this forum as a journal of your journey.
~Nick
Pills I can handle, this was more of a kick to the balls and push off the ledge. Anyway, so completely cutting contact wouldn't make me look like an ass or cause her to think me knowing about the guy affected me right? I know she'll send a Holiday or "Hey" text. Also you're right, I just started reading some articles and they are spot on. I made her special and I got too close while the other guy went the lover route. Even though she ended it with him cause he got caught talking to other girls, I know she cares about him more than me. I just want this crappy feeling gone.
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- Mar 2, 2013
- Messages
- 865
Hey man, my bad, that was probably a bit unempathetic. I've been doing a lot of people interactions lately, and I'm running high on logic and low on feeling.
Looks like you have a handle on what you did, and what you can do for next time. That crappy feeling is a bitch, I there's an article on GC by Ricardus about dealing with a breakup. But yeah, it's best if you distance yourself (better gradually than ripping off the band-aid) because it'll really help as you meet more women (whom you can move fast with) and not prolong the baggage with this one girl.
After you start pulling more women, this one woman won't feel like such a big deal.
Write FR's and LR's here on the board so we can keep up with your progress!
~Nick
Looks like you have a handle on what you did, and what you can do for next time. That crappy feeling is a bitch, I there's an article on GC by Ricardus about dealing with a breakup. But yeah, it's best if you distance yourself (better gradually than ripping off the band-aid) because it'll really help as you meet more women (whom you can move fast with) and not prolong the baggage with this one girl.
After you start pulling more women, this one woman won't feel like such a big deal.
Write FR's and LR's here on the board so we can keep up with your progress!
~Nick
It's cool, logic is what I need right now and less on feelings, especially since it seems like feelings take me to loser-dom.
Yea, I was thinking if she does send a text I'll answer it really late saying I was busy the entire day, and hopefully after that she never texts me again. I'm also hoping if she sees me in public she doesn't come talk to me, I'd rather just give a nod and a smile. And yea I'll search for that article, although it wasn't a break up I'm assuming it'll give advice on dealing with these terrible feelings. Thank You.
What are FR's and LR's?
Yea, I was thinking if she does send a text I'll answer it really late saying I was busy the entire day, and hopefully after that she never texts me again. I'm also hoping if she sees me in public she doesn't come talk to me, I'd rather just give a nod and a smile. And yea I'll search for that article, although it wasn't a break up I'm assuming it'll give advice on dealing with these terrible feelings. Thank You.
What are FR's and LR's?
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2012
- Messages
- 528
Hey Shade,
Welcome to the boards, I've actually been writing a series of forum posts dealing with this very topic over in the relationships forum.
Getting your Confidence back: I talk about how I was affected during a recent long term relationship coming to an end
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=4446
Handling your emotions so they don't ruin your next relationships:
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=4427
To build off of Decent: You need time to yourself
It's not an dick thing to pull back from a girl who isn't returning your feelings. If anything I applaud you for being real to yourself and knowing what happened in the situation. One of the worst things to do is hold things in and still hang out with her on a regular basis.
Just Dave
Welcome to the boards, I've actually been writing a series of forum posts dealing with this very topic over in the relationships forum.
Getting your Confidence back: I talk about how I was affected during a recent long term relationship coming to an end
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=4446
Handling your emotions so they don't ruin your next relationships:
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=4427
To build off of Decent: You need time to yourself
It's not an dick thing to pull back from a girl who isn't returning your feelings. If anything I applaud you for being real to yourself and knowing what happened in the situation. One of the worst things to do is hold things in and still hang out with her on a regular basis.
Just Dave
Just_Dave,
Great posts! I really like the first one. And yea I was thinking of being selfish and putting my feelings first. I just don't want to go through the whole drama of her accusing me of leaving, if she even cares, I'd rather just fade out. There's no way in hell I'd hangout with her on a regular basis after she told me nothing would happen between us, I care a lot for her, but I'd also like to be the lover instead of being treated like an option who's been stripped of all sexual value. I'd rather do what Chase did and find a beautiful, amazing quality girl and have her call this current girl ugly. If she ever does come back around, I hope I will know how to handle the situation.
Great posts! I really like the first one. And yea I was thinking of being selfish and putting my feelings first. I just don't want to go through the whole drama of her accusing me of leaving, if she even cares, I'd rather just fade out. There's no way in hell I'd hangout with her on a regular basis after she told me nothing would happen between us, I care a lot for her, but I'd also like to be the lover instead of being treated like an option who's been stripped of all sexual value. I'd rather do what Chase did and find a beautiful, amazing quality girl and have her call this current girl ugly. If she ever does come back around, I hope I will know how to handle the situation.
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2012
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- 528
Shade said:
You mentality sound like you have a great handle on the situation right now, and I'm glad you enjoyed that post man! And I agree, I refuse to be sexless orbiters in a girl's space. It's never a good feeling, I highly admire your maturity of handling this situation, and don't worry Part 2 of History of Just Dave will be out soon!
To be honest when she first told me two days ago, I felt like crying, it's still hard to sleep, and I still think about them doing it.. haha it's terrible. But I have a great support system; my friends and family helped out a lot the same night I found out, and it looks like I got a support system here too. I appreciate that you guys took the time to answer and I can't wait for part 2!
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2012
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- 528
Shade said:
When She Comes Back: Part 2!
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=4458&p=20401#p20401
I would say my thoughts, but I wrote majority of them in that post. I would say it's probably one of my more honest posts about the withdrawal and pain of emotions you'll feel when seeing your ex again.
Just_Dave
Your post gives a great example of how to handle yourself with an ex. My problem is I feel humiliated and feel like a fool for thinking she wanted to mess around with me and hangout with me when in fact she was being seduced by the other guy, then end up getting hurt and she still cares more for him than me when her and I have so much history. Also I know I messed up bad being needy, etc. and then she loss attraction for me, which I hate and I wish I could change the way she sees me. Is finding new girls really the only solution for dealing with these negative emotions?
Your post gives a great example of how to handle yourself with an ex. My problem is I feel humiliated and feel like a fool for thinking she wanted to mess around with me and hangout with me when in fact she was being seduced by the other guy, then end up getting hurt and she still cares more for him than me when her and I have so much history. Also I know I messed up bad being needy, etc. and then she loss attraction for me, which I hate and I wish I could change the way she sees me. Is finding new girls really the only solution for dealing with these negative emotions?
- Joined
- Nov 21, 2012
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- 528
Shade said:
Yes because if you don't move on and talk to other girls you'll be constantly thinking of the old girl, which is what you don't want. The thing is you don't want to feel like you need a girl to complete you and make your life whole. Girls are to add to your life, and you're supposed to have something already going on for you in life. Brad Bitt, George Clooney, Clint Eastwood, James Bond . . . don't mope over women.
They have have an abundance mentality, they say to themselves "Oh well it didn't work out with her, but hey I can't wait to meet another exciting girl." Women don't value men who are constantly on their beck and call and come back to them like sad little puppies. Trust me once she sees that you've moved on and no longer give her the time of day, she'll notice. As you know from my posts, I was hurt and devastated. However, I knew that if I didn't pursue other women I would be in a hopeless mess.
Let's be real women move on very quick, and they don't think twice about it. This is reality, I'm not going to lie to you and give you the wrong expectations and tell you that life is like the movies. Because they are not . . . people have a hard time with reality so they want to pursue that fantasy life. Unfortunately, that's how a good number of people both men and women get hurt. They can't tell the fantasy from reality and what not. People deal with emotions differently, I'm actually a musician as well whenever I feel down about a break up. I write a song and go perform it. This way I turn all the negative emotions into something constructive. Like when I also mentioned in my post after my break up, I went to start working out and lifting. You need to make the decision for yourself, are you going to sit around and mope or take action and make life better for yourself?
Oh man what I would give to have the swagger of James Bond. If I could be the way he is around women that'd be perfect. And you're right, girls do move on fast. I've been going to the gym with my friend and I also take Muay Thai classes it clears my mind for a while, but I guess I need that abundence mentality to completely clear my head.