New need advice

[wildaces81]

Wish I would have found this four days ago. I was at a bar and talking to the bartender who I saw a few weeks before this last weekend. I was chatting her up with my friends, so I didn't get much one on one time with her not that I could have had much because she is the bartender. I did get her phone number and I haven't called her or text her. I'm usually a shy person and talking to women out of the blue is a wall I'm breaking down. I am planning to call her tonight but I do not know if she'll 1) remember me or 2) answer, either leaving me the choice to leave a message or just hang up.

What do I do?

 

[wildaces81]

Okay, so I called her.....she was at work. Didn't remember me.....said she would call me back but I'm guessing that she wont. On to the next or do I wait till I can see her at the bar again and make a bigger impression? All the while taking into practice the Newbie assignment.

A bit o back story on me. I'm going through a divorce and I'm just trying to move on. I'm 31, a bit shy with new people, and have a hard time just walking up and talking to girls. My x cheated on me and I was stupid enough to stay with her and the dish of mental abuse she served me. I just want to get back out there, and develop new skills for meeting new people.

 

[TylerDurden]

Congratulations on calling! That's actually difficult sometimes.
I think that her not remembering you might have to do with her meeting lots of people in her job.
She gave you her number, so she was probably at least a bit interested.
I think you should call or text again in a few days if she doesn't, and try to think of something related to what you talked in person. Like "hey it's me, the guy that X" (something funny preferably).
Also try to call when she's not on work, or at low traffic hours for that bar, so you know she has time to talk.

 

[wildaces81]

Tyler thanks for taking the time to reply. I really like the girl so I don't really want to give up. Eh. Funnily enough a week ago I would've beaten myself up about this shit. Right now after reading some of the post on here I think getting out there and meeting more women will be fun.

 

[Pato]

Hey Aces,

Just a quick question, did you talk about meeting up/schedule a date at the bar. If not, you should try doing that during the interaction. This can prevent instances where the girl doesn't remember you. It's also not completely out of the blue when you try to call/text her. Keep in mind, giving out a number doesn't mean that much to a girl. A lot of girls will give it out instead of declining due to social pressure and the fact that she doesn't want the interaction to get really awkward. So scheduling a date/meet-up ahead of time will be extremely beneficial in the future.

I'd also suggest texting instead of calling in the future. In general, calling will put more pressure on her to respond, which will sometimes cause her to not answer at all. With a call, you're pressuring her to answer the call right away, without (necessarily) knowing what you want, and have her possibly be unprepared. Even when she does answer, she could always be working or not be able to talk for long. Texting is probably easier as well, and there's a lot of stuff on here for texting. Read some of these articles on texting:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-text-girl
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-text-girls-20-more-tips-and-techniques
https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-text-girls-get-dates
https://www.girlschase.com/content/text-girls-success-phone-secrets-part-i

If you still want to call, experiment, but you'd definitely need to do this on older women (meaning at least late 20's or early 30's). To younger girls (late teens and early 20's), calling can be weird and is used far less often than texting (sometimes only used in important situations/emergencies). Texting is much safer with these girls. Here's some articles on calling as well:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/tactics-tuesdays-making-first-phone-call-girl
https://www.girlschase.com/content/call-girls-success-phone-secrets-part-ii

Perhaps some of the more experienced people on here can help some more, but this should be good for now.

-Pato

 

[wildaces81]

Hey Aces,

Just a quick question, did you talk about meeting up/schedule a date at the bar. If not, you should try doing that during the interaction. This can prevent instances where the girl doesn't remember you. It's also not completely out of the blue when you try to call/text her. Keep in mind, giving out a number doesn't mean that much to a girl. A lot of girls will give it out instead of declining due to social pressure and the fact that she doesn't want the interaction to get really awkward. So scheduling a date/meet-up ahead of time will be extremely beneficial in the future.

-Pato

I didn't talk about meeting up with her. I will now remember to do that. The calling her thing was something I was apprehensive about in the first place but the "advice" I was getting was to call her and not to text her. The girl has to be in her late twenties. I took a risk, it felt good, and was a bit humbling in knowing what I did wrong. I can at least know that I have a road map now.

Aces