Newbie assignment Journal

[LFAD12]

Hi all!

After years of flooding my head with all kinds of theories, but barely ever taking action, I'm glad I stumbled onto the newbie assignment.
Starting today, I will do the day 1 assignment, and journal all of my progress.

I'm 31 years old, have ASD, suffer from social anxiety, and don't have a lot of experience in dealing with women.
One LTR and a few dozen of failed interactions, freezes, or me just plainly running away.
I'm hoping to change all that the upcoming week.

Since I'm living in a crowded city, with a lot of student activity, summer coming up, I figure some venues will be more crowded than during winter.

The places I have in mind are the following:

1) A public square near some stores.
Filled with a few benches, it is the ideal place to take a rest and enjoy the sun, as you're travelling through the city centre.
One good days, it's filled with a lot of people.

2) A resting place near the city river.
Another spot that enjoy a big crowd on warm days.
During the evening, you can find a lot of people socialising here, or taking a break and enjoying the view.

3) The gym.
Not my regular one.
But I'll try out other locations to try out socialising in gym.
The fact that I'm 6'1 and in good athletic shape is a big bonus, I suppose, as I regularly bust females checking me out.
However, being I'm kinda slow in picking up possible signals and suffer from approach anxiety.
I'm hoping to see some changes during the upcoming weeks.

4) The library; bookstores; clothing stores.
Will take some scouting, but I figure some opportunities can be found in these places as well.

Haven't had a lot of sleep this night, so I'll be doing the scouting and posture check as a start.

Update coming soon!

 

[LFAD12]

Day I

I started lf this morning scouting the places.
The public spots are unreliable as it depends on the weather and other factors, as to whether or not people are around.

The first one is semi-reliable as it is located near a supermarket and lots of people use the benches to take a break after grocery shopping.

Even though I'm not really the outgoing type anymore, I guess some venues or clubs might actually give me better possibilites.
However, I'll keep on scouting in the meantime.

The posture thing was actually fun and interesting.
Before I used to judt take quick glances at people, but now I took my time to thoroughly observe over a hundred people - their posture, their facial expressions and their walk.
I've noticed crossed arms, hands behind the back, hands in the pocket are all big no-go's as they made me take a split-second decision to deem a person unapproachable.
The way people walk is funny too, and I wonder how much concious effort people put in that.
People overexagerting their chest, swinging their arms too far (or not too far), exhibiting all kinds of random movements.
I'm not saying my walk is any better.
I noticed (combined with the posture check) it takes a continuous effort to be able to walk in a decent kind of way.

Two mental tips I'm using:

1) Head looking at sky; raise arms to the sky; bring head down and look straight ahead; bring arms down again.
This automaticamly shift my chest up and shoulders back (in a non-exagerated way) leaving lots of open room in the upper body.

2) Walk evenly.
It's supposed to be a sign of competence.
Just try and walk in an even manner, putting the arms and foots forward in the same, at the same pace.
It's sounds easy, but since it takes a concious effort, you automatically slow down and get a more controlled walk.

I'll have to keep practicing both, as, initially I felt very uncomfortable doing both.
After my first day of practice, I got more used to it and noticed this behaviour to have a positive influence on my mindset.
More positive, more firm, and I feel more present.

What I noticed with people who showed 'weak' posture (e.g. looking down, slouched, etc.), they gave of this impression of being beaten down; and kinda looked like an 'easy target'.
I used to walk, sit and act this way all the time, and I can't deny that I felt mostly weak, timid and anxious.

Three people I remember vividly:

One girl.
A gorgeous woman, around 25-30, very well dressed.
The way she carried herself, with a perfect posture and perfect pace, just oozed confidence and charisma.
I saw her, and instantly I felt that she has 'that', just by her walk.

Two other guys.
Both dressed in a sharp manner, looking as if they didn't have any financial problems, just enjoying their day.
Neither of them had any specific way of walking, neither of them had a straight posture, but when you saw them, you could tell they felt good about themselves.

And that's what stuck with me the most of these three people: just looking at them, you could tell they felt perfectly fine in their own skin.
Giving of this vibe that just pulls people in.
Needless to say, the way they carried themselves, they must've been able to pull girls; and the girl, she definitely must have a lot of options.

That'll be my working point tomorrow: to work on feeling good about myself, while keeping my posture in check.
I'll start practicing eye-contacts as well.

What do I hope to get out of this assignment?

1) Abundance mindset
I've been raised in a strictly female household and never had a father figure to guide me.
Long story short: I'm a major simp (a friend recently made me aware of this) jumping from one one-itis case to another.
Never really developing anything but headaches and self-doubt and toxic interactions.
I hope that when I can beat the treshold of approaching, and meeting, new women, I can raise my standards as well, and avoid losing myself in trying save distressed damsels.

2) Confidence
Kill that approach anxiety; learn to interact with women; learn the basic principles; and just grow as a person.

3) Better fundamentals
The posture exercise was an eye-opener on this.
However, eye contact will require a lot practice - ASD will make it extra hard, but not impossible.
My voice: I really don't like my voice.
It's nasal, high-pitched, hoarse, and I talk way, but like waaay, too fast.
Medical condition sure don't help, but I think I'm actually way too distressed; too anxious; to be able to hold a calm, collected frame.
This will be a major point and will probably take a lot of effort and pain, as, honestly, this afternoon, I felt my heart racing when I solely thought about approaching and talking to random women I find attractive.
I've had some experiences in the past, but my insecurities almost always got a hold of my nerves.

4) More feeling, spontanity, less thinking.
I overthink everything, and always end up beating myself up over the most trivial details.

If I don't change now, I'll probably end dying feeling this way.
That's why I want to change, and, however scary it may sound, I do feel glad I found this assignment.

 

[Sabre]

Hey man, supporting your journey. Where’s the rest of the entries?

 

[FAB DRONES]

However, eye contact will require a lot practice - ASD will make it extra hard, but not impossible.

Dude I think I have a shortcut. (Eye contact still necessary skill) Just stare at her tits the whole time. Not joking. That’s how I was with my ex

also I like your post. Very interesting observations. I too am struggling to make it thru the newbie assignment