OR Newbie hoping for advice.

[SlyGuy]

I always try and focus on seeing everything as a learning experience, and understand that every experience I encounter with women helps me grow as a person and my skills with women.

However, my insight is not as strong as most people on this website, so I am going to post about a particular girl that I have had some experiences with in the past week and tell me if you think my thought processes and mindsets could use some improving.

Sooo, first off theres this cute blonde, blue eyes, skinny, petite, perfect ass, ladada attractive woman. First encounter is at some beach where I met up with some friends, however I never even introduced myself so it was almost like we were chilling with different groups.. however our groups were all hanging out together. whatever, im a social noob. working on it.

Okay.. so next encounter is when she comes over with some of her friends to actually hang out with my sister. I meet her this time and we chill for a little bit, and then they all leave but before they left we talked about a local party happening at a friends house that we all may go to. I end up going and she's there. I say hi when she gets there but I don't like hug her or anything, no kino. I'm just doing my own thing playing some beer pong having a good time and eventually I start walking around and I run into her smoking a jay. I say I want to join and some kid says I got to throw some cash. I throw a few bucks and I say ill come back in a minute. Come back a few minutes later and its ready so we head outside.

Now we talk a little, smoke a jay, have a good time, then I sneak away and go back inside to go play more BP. At this point I have a feeling this girl is digging me but I haven't really done anything, pretty much just tried to act coy and cool. I play some BP and I'm knocking people off the table and then she comes up with a girlfriend of hers. I make strong eye contact with her all game (which is the biggest improvement I have noticed in my game so far, hooray!) and I can feel her being interested in me. Soo the party ends and we all happen to be walking close together.. lol and I'm going towards my group of friends and I see her behind me and I say
"hey I got some BP at my house if you wanna come."
and she says "yea "
and I'm like "cool see you there".

so another friend of mine whos pretty cool hops in there car and we all go back to my place to play some BP. Okay so now its Me, her, my dude friend, her girlfriend. perfect ratio, right?

Well we don't stay at my place long, I don't remember who suggested but we end up going on a 20min drive to go longboarding down some nice hills around here. we do this for about an hour and i realized i fucked up some opportunities to be alone and get to know her, i kept just longboarding because i was drunk and it was fun. we end up going back to my place but on the way there the dude friend gets dropped off, and now its me, her, and her girlfriend.
someone suggests staying up to see the sunrise and its only like an hour away at this point so i agree.

so we watched netflix in my room for an hour... go watch sunrise... they drop me off and go home.. right before they left though i asked for her phone number because i felt like she was vibing me and i need to practice asking. in hindsight i fucked up A LOT of shit but what really mattered was i learned..

well the next day i text her this for some practice

Me: "Hey (Her Name), this is my #! Save it. -My Name"
Her: Hi (My name)
Me: You ever get some sleep?
Her: A little bit, i slept from like 7-1130. did you sleep?
Me: Yeah I fell asleep the second I laid down, woke up around 1. How you feelin today?
Her: A little hung over but not too bad, cant complain lol how're you doing?

I stop answering at like 630pm and then the next day we have this convo
Me: i actually ended up falling asleep pretty early, so i quess i was prettty tired. were you up for sunrise this morning? (she said she did it every morning)
Her: Haha yeah Natalie and i went over there and you were passed out in the living room. and yes i was but it was kinda cloudy so the lcouds looked almost purple and the sky glowed dpink
Me: Yeah I was ouut. Nice. You want to get some (Close beach mexican restruant) later?
Her: Yeah that sounds good : )
Me: Awesome lets shoot for around 2?
(At this point im thinking wow this whole girl thing is really easy, i was thinking i was just gonna try and bring home and make a move)
Her 11:13AM: Perfect, how has your morning been?
Me 1:33PM: My morning was good, thanks. Meet there in 30?
Her 1:45pm: Yes
Her 2:02pm: Almost there
Me: Sweet just got here

OKAY SO SHE SHOWS UP WITH THREE OTHER GIRLS
and its just me
AWKWARD
but i go with it.. act all cool like you know i expected that or some shit.
i just have a good time with 4 cute girls eating some dank food.. whatever.
she ends up texting me after saying "Hi (my name) " but i was already like yeah i fucked this up a long time ago.. on to the next one.
(SOMETIMES I WONDER IF I SHOULD HAVE ANSWERED)

so that night i actually was asked by one of her friends if me and her were "talking".

i said something like "i wouldnt say we're talking i kinda just go with the flow" or something.

she was like "ooh well shes like my best friend" and she kinda made it seem like she was sad I said no we werent talking.

whatever.

shes coming over a few times with her friends and i always make strong contact and she kinda seems itnerested still i just feel like shes going to want me to try and date her before i can hook up with her.

but this is also a really small beach town and i dont know if things are different in situatations like this..

and also shes a senior in highschool and so are her friends so their younger than what this site is usually aimed at.

dont worry they are all legal though, age of consent is 16 and i just turned 20. this girl is like mid 17 though. im curious what this site thinks about gaming younger girls.

well this is a lot to take in, and i appreciate anyone who made it this far.

i just would like some feedback on my mindset and approach.
thanks

 

[ray_zorse]

Interesting, good report too.

I would say she is interested, the only real thing that raises red flags here is her turning up to the date with 4 friends, however there could be a lot of reasons for that. She might have been just playfully testing you a little, like "will he try to isolate" or "will he go all sooky and upset", or perhaps she just couldn't easily get away from her friends, or perhaps she just didn't really try, was just going with the flow. Or perhaps she was like, "I met this guy who seems really chill and laid back, I wonder if he likes me or if he's just playing around" and they're like "ohh he sounds cool, can we meet him?"... normally I don't go to this length to make excuses for girls' behaviour, but actually she sounds cool, and it seems like you have a pretty good back-and-forth vibe going, there's honestly nothing wrong with chilling and being playful and getting to know her over time.

So yeah, apart from the date issue it seems like pretty much the standard "girl meets boy" scenario, particularly when it's a small town and everybody knows everybody, and you met her through social circle, she will be wanting to test the water a little, she may well be extremely into you. But getting onto specifics, I have to say you've moved pretty damn slowly, I get that you were shy but unfortunately when you didn't introduce yourself the first time, and you didn't try to isolate her towards the end of the night that you hung out, it basically sent the message that you aren't a dude that takes control of situations. This isn't necessarily a black mark because you could be more of a "sigma" in the sense you fly under the radar and you befriend a lot of people and then sneak off with the girl at the end of the night, leaving nobody the wiser, but anyway, taking control of situations is something you'll get better at. You can be pretty blunt: "Hey guys it's been a totally chill time, anyway XXX and I want to be alone now so maybe we should call it a night"... problem is that you've had like 20yrs of conditioning to hide your intentions towards girls cos you're scared of rejection and social pressure.....

So given that you boyfriend zoned yourself pretty early, (that's to say you disqualified yourself as a lover by not moving aggressively and fast), you are right in saying that she'll want a fair bit of investment from you before she lets you get the honey (if ever), she'll be kinda in the driving seat and it's up to you how you want to play that. With some experience you can chase her down without making it look like chasing, but I honestly feel that, at your current level, it might be better to NEXT her or at least put her on the backburner. My experience has been that they soften up a lot after about 2~3mths of being ignored, because they realize you aren't gonna chase or do the conventional dating thing. But it's probably a bit early for that, depends how serious you are about meeting other girls and improving your game, but if you really like this girl then persist a few times. I'd say every time you meet her through social circle, especially if you didn't prearrange it by text beforehand, your chances of getting with her go down.

So what I would do in this situation is ring her up on the phone, try to recapture some of the good vibes, and at a high point say something like "it's honestly really awesome chilling with you and your buddies, I feel like we have a very relaxed vibe going and I'm okay with keeping it that way, but I would still really like to get to know you better, how about a one-on-one for our next meetup"... thus addressing the issue directly. Remember, the more direct you are about your intentions, the more attractive you are. Don't fuckin worry about rejection, the worst that can happen is she'll say no, and then you are mentally free of her and you can focus on meeting new women. In fact it can even be better to be uncalibrated and push a bit too hard and get a hard no, when you could've played it more casual, just for this reason. Remember your time and emotional energy is valuable. Don't throw it into a bottomless pit of liking this girl and then bumping into her in social situations and never trying to isolate.

The other thing I'd be kind of wary of is, if she's trying to put you in a "back pocket" slot, or worse a friendzone / orbiter situation, she'll monopolize your attention at parties and hangouts and prevent you chatting to other girls, while avoiding being alone with you. Not only does this suck up your emotional energy but it makes you look weak to other girls who know very well what's going on. I would say from now on, if you see her at a social event, try to pretty much ignore her (even though you like her), check the articles on eye contact discipline and not breaking circle... this will obviously be much more powerful and congruent if you've actually called her and offered her your time on a one-to-one basis however. Flirt with other girls, this will build a lot of attraction in her eyes. I'm talking about not just chillin' with the biyatches, I mean actually looking in some girl's eyes, touching her, adding some sex talk and so on... who knows, you may end up banging the another chick and making your current chick 100% more attracted.

Ray

 

[Lotus]

As a noobie it's good for you to see how easily you can generate attraction. But yeah, as you know and ray mention you moved hella slow but even with that she came back with you. At the same time your "slow play" showed you as a cool guy who didn't immediately put her on a pedestal.

Just a couple of adjustments and this could have been a lay.

Other than what's been mentioned, trim back your texting and ask her out sooner. The general rule for texting: text to get her out in person. It immediately differentiates you from every other guy who texts to talk.

Me: "Hey (Her Name), this is my #! Save it. -My Name"
Her: Hi (My name)
Me: You ever get some sleep?
Her: A little bit, i slept from like 7-1130. did you sleep?
Me: Yeah I fell asleep the second I laid down, woke up around 1. How you feelin today?
Her: A little hung over but not too bad, cant complain lol how're you doing?

I stop answering at like 630pm and then the next day we have this convo

"I had fun with you last night/the other night, we should get together for XXX. when are you free?"

The overall theme is that you didn't have a plan. You just went with the flow. Create a plan so either get her back to your place or on a date.

 

[SlyGuy]

Thanks for all the advice guys, it goes along with what I was thinking.
I'm just going to keep pushing myself to go out and meet more girls, I would rather NEXT this girl then try than move things along with her because I feel like I was too slow and at this point she just likes my attention. However she is a big part of the social circle I am working right now.

As a mattter of fact I am going to a pool party today where she will be, along with a bunch of other girls all getting drunk.. I don't really think I will be able to pull any girls or lay them at the house, but I am going to flirt and try and get some numbers for later meetups.

Sometimes I get very frustrated at things I couldve done differently, or think to myself that if I put in some effort now (chase) I could probably get that girl. But what I want is to figure out how to get the easiest lays possible, so I don't really want to practice chasing her. I'm just going to stay strong, focus on what I am trying to accomplish with girls later on, and see it all as a learning experience.

I am literally about to leave in an hour so I don't ill get a response in time.. BUT if anyone has advice on what I should do at this pool party with a bunch of senior high school girls getting drunk it would be much appreciated. I have to drive and its about 15minutes, so I am only going to have a few.. and I don't really know who will be there that i will be interested in but I am sure I can learn some things there.. and worst case scenario I see a bunch of cute girls in swimsuits because they all are pretty cute.

My goal is to just try and meet some of the other girls in the circle I havent met, and try and get some numbers with intention on hitting them up to chill later. This goal might be weak.. but I don't really see thse girls as the type that will meet me in some random bedroom and fuck at the party. BUT if i see an oppurtunity (For example the girl is CLEARLY wanting the dick, we're alone, rooms right there, ill say lets go check it out or something and make a move (as long as shes not super drunk)).

But once again I would like to thank brum and ray for the advice and I hope to be back on here soon because you guys are AMAZINGLY helpful..

BTW lots of my friends in this town dont believe in any of this shit. even the ones that seem to sleep around. theyre naturals, theyre not trying learn this shit like a nerd like me, but they seem to believe in the more traditional, and when i tell them my views they always say that shit doesnt work. so sometimes i start to think like them but i quickly snap out of it, look forward to moving out of this town and turning 21 where i can meet tons more new girls while out, and get out of this highschool gang. (btw the only reason im here is cuz i went to a lame nerdy Tech school that is in this town, while everyone else went to party schools.. so i either hang out with the nerds at tech school or the party goers at the highschool.. fuckin sucks.. i didnt plan my social life while figuring out school.. im a big nerd whos gonna have his SE bachelors at 21. AND most of the girls know this which i feel like slots me in boyfriend FAST so i try to not even talk about it at all and focus on them.)

To learning, growing, and improving! Looking forward, not back.

 

[SlyGuy]

Also some more background info on me is I've only laid five girls and none of them I did so by meeting ladada.

First girl, knew for year, dated for months, lost our V cards to each other. dated for almost three years in the end, then broke up with her because i wanted to fuck more women.

second girl, got really drunk with a few friends and we just ended up in a room alone together hooking up; i seriously dont even know how the fuck it happened. we hook up for like four months, probably like 30-50 times. was a while ago.

third girl was second girls best friend and she pretty much attacked me, score. only happened once tho.

fourth girl was my neighbor and she knew my sis from school she came over to hangout with her then practically jumped on my dick, easy.. giving that she lived so close i actually hooked up with her randomly for about a year and we had sex like 100+ times.. never dated.

fifth girl was the girl who introduced me to second girl, i knew her for years and we always flirted heavily but i was always a bitch so i never did anything, however one night we got drunk and she just laid down in my bed, so i shut the door and chilled with her, we played some game on her phone, i kissed her, played some more game, started making out, someone knocked we stopped tlaked to them they left shut door, we played some more game, started making out again and then ya know we fucked. only happened once.

and thats all my lays.. ive never met a girl,controlled the situation from beginning to end, and fucked her.

that will be a great accomplishment of mine once i complete it.

 

[SlyGuy]

Also Ray if you could please link me the article on not breaking circle that would be appreciated, I can't find what you're talking about.

 

[SlyGuy]

Okayyyyy..........................
Soo update! Maybe I should change this into a journal...
well I went too the pool party, and their were a few girls I didn't know there. I made sure to introduce myself to all of them, and I even asked about their hopes and dreams after high school. However I did not get any numbers.. there was just a lot going on ( excuse ).

However the girl that started this whole thread did come up, and at first I straight up ignored her but at one point we literally ran into eachother and I wasn't going to just act like I didn't see her so I was like "Hey G " (Im just gonna call her G from now on) and she said "Hey " back.

I kept going about my business, talking to other girls trying to get to know them, playing games of beer pong and flip cup, eventually she was right next to me talking about how she wanted to play so I made her my partner at beer pong. We play a game and I touch her a lot, once again I feel like we are vibing REALLY well. well we win a couple games and end up splitting up and the birthday girl starts talking about how she wants to get in her pool so I go over and push her in, and then another girl walks in front of me and I push her in, BUT this girl had her fucking iPhone 6 on her and it got ruined in the pool. I got money so I'm like I'll help pay for the damages ladada and 'G' is all like dont worry about it ladada and im like im not worried I just want her to calm down; cuz shes all crying and shit..

alright whatever im home now and I plan on hitting her up soon and saying what ray said earlier as a last ditch effort and if it doesnt work out then fuck it ya know. its all a learning experience but I feel like I REALLY need to step up my game. i dont exactly know when I should hit her up; she left the party with a couple other guys; but I think I'm gonna hit her up relatively soon and just go for it. worst that happens is she says know, best thing that happens is I lay this cute girl.

I think I'm just gonna sstraight up invite her over to my place to smoke or whatever; I dont know if thats the best route but if you guys dont respond in time im gonna go with it and just learn ya know.

ONCE AGAIN; thank you for you advice and feedback.

 

[SlyGuy]

okay so she called me and i missed it; called back about 5 minutes later and no answer.. its been about thirty minutes and i plan on calling her in ten and just being like

"hey G "
..she says whatever..
"had a lot of fun playing bp with u today"
..says whatever, hopefully something like "yeah me too "
"i feel like we have a really relaxed vibe together, and im down to keep it that way but I'd still like to get to know you a little better, how about a one-on-one for our next meet-up" (thanks Ray)

and I have no idea hows she going to respond but if she responds well I plan on seeing if shes down to just come over tonight and smoke. wish me luck; its all a learning experience, right?

 

[SlyGuy]

I feel like I failed; but I'll tell you how the convo went.....

me: "Hey G "
her: "hey"
me: "What are you up too?"
her: "just cihllin with *girl* and *boy* (idk who he is), you?"
me" "just chillin at my place, had osme people over and they all just left."
her: "oooh"
me: "yeah so i had a lot of fun playing bp with you today"
her: "yeah me too"
me: "i feel like we gotta really relaxed vibe going on you know what im saying?"
her: "yeah"
me: "and im down to keep it that way but id still like to get to know you a little better, how about a one-on-one on our next meet-up?"
her: "yeah im down just hit me up" (i got a vibe she was kinda trying to go but i felt like i should really set up like a definete meet but i PUSSIED OUT and just said..
me: "yeah alright cool i will"
her: "okay well bye"
me:"have a goodnight"
*click*


all in all i feel like i kinda wasted my time but hey over time im growing more balls because before i wouldnt even hit up a chick like this before ya know what im saying? so tell me what you guys think i should do PLEASE. just like not even hit her up cuz i could spend my time finding new girls? hit her up for like coffee near by, tomorrow?

 

[ray_zorse]

Strong beginning, but honestly that "yeah just hit me up" comment was a bit dismissive, so I can see why you did not proceed. Why reward her indifference. Still if you're gonna persist you must persist. There's no reason you can't hit her up by text, but frankly I would not. In that case I would try to be stronger about not letting her hijack me at parties. Your article is here. Anyway, getting back to your convo, I was reading a book called "Models: Attract women through honesty" and while I do not agree with a lot of what's in the book (I seriously tried it and my conclusion is honesty does not get girls)... he makes a good point that if she isn't excited to be with you, she's not worth your time. Meh.

And, I feel the pool party is a hostile seduction environment, at least at my level (see the wedding expo in my last journal entry)... so don't worry too much. About the iPhone 6 it's honestly no biggie, there are phone shops that will fix it for like $100 to $250 depending on the extent of the damage. What I would have done in that situation is (1) know ahead of time the best repairer (2) not say sorry [it's a fuckin pool party, what does she expect], however you can say something like, I did not intend to damage your phone, (3) say well how about I'll take you to the repairer tomorrow and we can grab a coffee at the same time [implicit in this is you'll likely pay for the repair if she plays nice], (4) if she continues to act hysterical and like it's a major drama, ignore [you've proposed a solution, she accepts or doesn't accept, endy story, you won't supplicate]. Similar thing happened to me w hairdresser going into hysterics about a broken Waal comb, I bought a new one for $5 and laughed off the drama.

Ray

 

[SlyGuy]

yeah i did probably apologize more sincerely then necessary, shoulve acted less guilty. but i was somewhat responsible and i will acknowledge that. but it wasn't the girl im interested in phone, its her friends phone, just another girl at the party. my fault for not making that clear, but once again thanks for taking the time to read and think about my situation ray.

 

[ray_zorse]

Yep, got that, but my point was that unless she's a killer whale, any bad occurrence should be turned into an opportunity to date someone new. The more drama she creates, the more likelihood she's into you [and testing you for how you'll react to the drama] And, how about your gf(for want of a better word)... how's she gonna feel if she hears you setting up a one-on-one hangout for the following day with some distant friend of hers... "uhh... I thought I had him, and he's just a wimpy guy... ohh err what if the reason he hasn't made a move is he's only playing with me and he's banging other chicks left right and centre? I better nail this down fast cos everyone knows he's my pet dog, so I'll look foolish if he hooks up with XXX..." or some such.

Ray

 

[SlyGuy]

you're a genius ray, thank you for all your insight.