NEXT or not to NEXT?

[Youngberg]

That is the question

I met this girl while at a fundraiser thing. We hit it off pretty quick, and I got her number and scheduled a date.

A few days after this, we met up and got sushi and a couple drinks. This has been a few weeks ago, but here's how I remember the date going down.

We had very good rapport together. She told me quite a lot about herself, and had her doing most of the talking. At some point she mentioned a guy friend of hers, and when she did, she went into extra detail and effort to make sure that I knew it was a "guy friend" and that she wasn't dating anyone. Here it seemed she was either (a) testing me or (b) legitimately making sure I knew she was available. Or, possibly some combination of both. Either way, it seems like I'm boyfriend-zoned here. The date went well, but was cut short. After a little more than an hour, she picked up her stocking hat from the seat beside her. Thinking she was grabbing her stuff to leave, I grabbed my keys. When I did so, she asked surprisingly "Oh, you're ready to go?" So, I may have jumped the gun on thinking that she was ready to leave? When she did this, I told her (paraphrasing here): "Well, I don't know what you have going on the rest of the evening. But I'm just going to chill at home and watch a movie or something. You're welcome to join me if you'd like to!" and she responded that she would let me know. We walked outside, hugged (I didn't kiss her because I was hoping she would come over for the movie) and got in our cars and left.

She ended up not coming over because she was "too tired and had to get up super early".

Then, this is maybe where I mess things up a tad. I didn't contact her for like a week and a half, because I was busy and went on dates with some other girls. At some point I thought phuck-it, and texted her:

"Hey *name*, sorry I haven't gotten a hold of you. Life sort of got crazy! Haha. Anyway, are you going downtown for st Patty's Day on Sat? We should try to run into each other! "

She was a little cold in her response, said she would be working instead. So, I took her cold response as a rejection and just wished her a good weekend at work.

A few days later, she texts me. I still have those texts in my phone, so here ya go:

Her: Hey how are u?
Me: Oh just living the dream lol. What are you up to?
Her: Working a lot
Me: Well that's good. You working 2nd shift yet?
Her: Yup. Every day of my life lol.
Her: But I like it
Me: Haha. Well if you happen to get a free evening we should hang out again
Her: I am off next weekend. Do you have to work?
Me: This coming weekend? I'm free Sunday. That work?
Her: I'm off every other Saturday and Sunday. I'm on call but just have to carry a pager.
Me: Yea I need to check and see when I'm on call next. And Sunday works. Wanna just grab a late lunch and go from there?
Her: I'll let u know. It's pretty far out lol. But probably.
Me: Alrighty


So that's the extent of our interaction. This has spanned the course of a month or so. First met her in mid-February. Went on a date a week later. Then didn't talk to her for like a week and a half. The text convo above was Sunday night. Do you guys think I'm good and she's just playing hard to get? Part of this is my fault for not contacting her for so long, I'm sure.


Thanks in advance, guys!
-Y

 

[Franco]

YB,

She likes you, but you've been close to both the border of auto-rejection and the boyfriend zone.

Well, I don't know what you have going on the rest of the evening. But I'm just going to chill at home and watch a movie or something. You're welcome to join me if you'd like to!

Good job recognizing that you needed to invite her back to your place, but your invitation sounded exactly like... well, an invitation. You want it to sound more like a command for a natural transition. For example:

Well, the evening's still young and we're having a great time! Let's head back to my place and watch a movie before you have to do other things for the evening.

If you can come up with something other than "let's watch a movie" and refer to something that was brought up during your conversation, that's even better. And if she says she's not sure if she should because she has other things to do, you need to try to persist. Be playful about it, but use a "yes" ladder if you need to.

I think you can still capitalize on this one, but it's tough now because her emotions cooled off a bit. The drop in contact for a week was good in the sense that it kept her guessing whether you were interested or not, but it also almost sent her into auto-rejection because that's a rather long time to not contact her after the date.

I would try to see her again though and get her back to your place. If you can get her engaged, laughing, and enjoying your company again, then you should be able to close the deal.

- Franco

 

[Youngberg]

Franco,

Awesome advice! Yeah, I didn't really persist. So I played that badly.

Anyway, since she kind of left it as that we will play things by ear, should I be contacting her tomorrow afternoon or Saturday maybe? Just to say like, "hey, is Sunday gonna work for you?" It seems up in the air right now. She didn't want to commit to it for some reason, so is she expecting me to get a hold of her to cement things?


-Y