Hi guys, apologies for the length of this post but I could use a little help here.
I recently broke up (1.5 months ago) with my girlfriend after dating her for about one year. The relationship was very sexual, emotional, and rocky the entire way through. She was older, seemed to not really care too much about things that really bothered me, and so there was a lot of fighting, along with a lot of great sex. She was my first girlfriend. To sum up the relationship, I always thought (and still do) that she just wasn't a very nice person, and wanted things her way quite a bit. She would change her perspective on things over the course of the relationship slightly understanding that many of the things she did were just plain inconsiderate, but her attitude towards sex and relationships largely stayed the same. We were pretty open about things--I never tried to act any way other than myself around her, which would sometimes be confident about what i wanted to do, and other times not so much. We both went to the same school in, and lived (and still live) within 30 seconds walking of each other.
Over the summer, I was working in another state, and she was not. She would be pretty needy (but I liked that!) when she was lonely and had nothing to do, and I always liked talking to her over skype and stuff. However, when things weren't going so great on my end for whatever reasons, and i wanted to talk to her a lot, she didn't want to. After 2 months of this, we both came to the conclusion that our lifestyles just didn't match up and that the sadness I got from her not wanting to talk to me consistently was not worth it, so we broke up.
She always had emotional issues from the past. A lot of dark things were discussed. Because of this, there were many times when I would console her during a rough time. After we broke up, she called me to tell me how great she was doing, how she never thought about me, and why she has more things figured out than me. It seemed harsh given the fact that I was clearly more invested than she was. However, I just took at a sign that this was clearly for the best that we broke up and I just told her, "good for you, i hope you enjoy your vacation". A week later I get a text saying how much she needs to talk to me about dark things. I say that I need time to myself. She gets upset and I don't hear from her.
When school starts I'm in a great place. I'm going on dates, hooking up with some girls, and the little time I think of my ex is feeling bad for her, but I have no desire to get back with her or even hook up with her. After two weeks of me feeling good, she complains to me that shes extremely depressed that I stopped talking to her. So we meet up to talk and things seem to settle well. She acknowledges some of her issues and tells me a few more dark things about herself, and I feel for her and we part ways on good terms. At this point, I'm now somewhat interested in her again because she seems vulnerable and like a real, nice person. However, I continue going about my days doing well and thinking of her more as a friend, with the occasional sexual/emotional thought of her.
Every now and then I would see her around and we would chat briefly, albeit a little awkwardly but both of us tried. On a seemingly innocuous request, she asks to catch up with me to see how things are going. This was a few days ago. We were supposed to go on a walk, but its cold out so she asks to grab a jacket from her room. I follow, and we talk in her room for a while. She seems very relaxed and chill, always has. We talk, I run out of things to talk about because I'm not feeling as chill. However, her room/ her presence has an overwhelmingly seductive feeling. I tell her this, and she acts as if its normal for me to feel this way but also saying she doesnt feel this way. It seems like a power play, but regardless its very convincing. I tell her its best that I leave, and I leave. Unfortunately for me, I make an impulsive decision to go back.
I go back to her room, and she looks slightly confused, but knows whats up. I proposition to her for sex, and initially she wants to know what will come of it. I tell her nothing will come of it, I just really want to have sex with her right then and there. After a little back and forth, we go to her bedroom and continue talking and cuddling. She brings up nonchalantly that she had sex with someone who was really into her. She describes how masculine he is, I think to put a little insecurity in me (it was a common theme in the relationship that I wasn't masculine enough for her), but that they have no future together. This puts me off a lot, and I get bothered by it, but at this point I'm in her bed, and she is too. Where before I was propositioning her for sex, and she was putting up some resistance, as soon as I told her that I actually didn't want to as much, she started trying. We begin making out very hesitantly, and then suddenly a switch turns and she's on.
After sex, we cuddle, pillow talk, and she invites me to stay and do homework with her, but I need to leave to focus on my homework and so I leave, kiss her goodbye. There was no satisfying resolve to this encounter, and while she says she wants to live her final year no strings attached, hooking up with who she pleases, she also seems to suggest that she wants to see me again.
I go home thinking about everything she says, the fact that she hooked up with someone (a horrible thought in my mind), that she wants no strings attached (even though I said the same thing), and that she seems so fucking chill about everything going on (even though I think its an act). The next day I think about her a lot, and try to forget about her by hooking up another girl the next day. The other girl is nice, funny, and very sexual. We have sex, she stays the night, and we part ways. Despite all of this, I still don't feel good, and somewhat disgusted by the girl sleeping in my bed after sex. I no longer have any drive to sleep with random girls.
After all this rambling, my question to you is this: What are your thoughts on seeing my ex again, and how I might get over my ex given the circumstances? My goal is not to necessarily get better with women, but just to be comfortable with my life and date freely without thinking about her.
Best,
Student94
I recently broke up (1.5 months ago) with my girlfriend after dating her for about one year. The relationship was very sexual, emotional, and rocky the entire way through. She was older, seemed to not really care too much about things that really bothered me, and so there was a lot of fighting, along with a lot of great sex. She was my first girlfriend. To sum up the relationship, I always thought (and still do) that she just wasn't a very nice person, and wanted things her way quite a bit. She would change her perspective on things over the course of the relationship slightly understanding that many of the things she did were just plain inconsiderate, but her attitude towards sex and relationships largely stayed the same. We were pretty open about things--I never tried to act any way other than myself around her, which would sometimes be confident about what i wanted to do, and other times not so much. We both went to the same school in, and lived (and still live) within 30 seconds walking of each other.
Over the summer, I was working in another state, and she was not. She would be pretty needy (but I liked that!) when she was lonely and had nothing to do, and I always liked talking to her over skype and stuff. However, when things weren't going so great on my end for whatever reasons, and i wanted to talk to her a lot, she didn't want to. After 2 months of this, we both came to the conclusion that our lifestyles just didn't match up and that the sadness I got from her not wanting to talk to me consistently was not worth it, so we broke up.
She always had emotional issues from the past. A lot of dark things were discussed. Because of this, there were many times when I would console her during a rough time. After we broke up, she called me to tell me how great she was doing, how she never thought about me, and why she has more things figured out than me. It seemed harsh given the fact that I was clearly more invested than she was. However, I just took at a sign that this was clearly for the best that we broke up and I just told her, "good for you, i hope you enjoy your vacation". A week later I get a text saying how much she needs to talk to me about dark things. I say that I need time to myself. She gets upset and I don't hear from her.
When school starts I'm in a great place. I'm going on dates, hooking up with some girls, and the little time I think of my ex is feeling bad for her, but I have no desire to get back with her or even hook up with her. After two weeks of me feeling good, she complains to me that shes extremely depressed that I stopped talking to her. So we meet up to talk and things seem to settle well. She acknowledges some of her issues and tells me a few more dark things about herself, and I feel for her and we part ways on good terms. At this point, I'm now somewhat interested in her again because she seems vulnerable and like a real, nice person. However, I continue going about my days doing well and thinking of her more as a friend, with the occasional sexual/emotional thought of her.
Every now and then I would see her around and we would chat briefly, albeit a little awkwardly but both of us tried. On a seemingly innocuous request, she asks to catch up with me to see how things are going. This was a few days ago. We were supposed to go on a walk, but its cold out so she asks to grab a jacket from her room. I follow, and we talk in her room for a while. She seems very relaxed and chill, always has. We talk, I run out of things to talk about because I'm not feeling as chill. However, her room/ her presence has an overwhelmingly seductive feeling. I tell her this, and she acts as if its normal for me to feel this way but also saying she doesnt feel this way. It seems like a power play, but regardless its very convincing. I tell her its best that I leave, and I leave. Unfortunately for me, I make an impulsive decision to go back.
I go back to her room, and she looks slightly confused, but knows whats up. I proposition to her for sex, and initially she wants to know what will come of it. I tell her nothing will come of it, I just really want to have sex with her right then and there. After a little back and forth, we go to her bedroom and continue talking and cuddling. She brings up nonchalantly that she had sex with someone who was really into her. She describes how masculine he is, I think to put a little insecurity in me (it was a common theme in the relationship that I wasn't masculine enough for her), but that they have no future together. This puts me off a lot, and I get bothered by it, but at this point I'm in her bed, and she is too. Where before I was propositioning her for sex, and she was putting up some resistance, as soon as I told her that I actually didn't want to as much, she started trying. We begin making out very hesitantly, and then suddenly a switch turns and she's on.
After sex, we cuddle, pillow talk, and she invites me to stay and do homework with her, but I need to leave to focus on my homework and so I leave, kiss her goodbye. There was no satisfying resolve to this encounter, and while she says she wants to live her final year no strings attached, hooking up with who she pleases, she also seems to suggest that she wants to see me again.
I go home thinking about everything she says, the fact that she hooked up with someone (a horrible thought in my mind), that she wants no strings attached (even though I said the same thing), and that she seems so fucking chill about everything going on (even though I think its an act). The next day I think about her a lot, and try to forget about her by hooking up another girl the next day. The other girl is nice, funny, and very sexual. We have sex, she stays the night, and we part ways. Despite all of this, I still don't feel good, and somewhat disgusted by the girl sleeping in my bed after sex. I no longer have any drive to sleep with random girls.
After all this rambling, my question to you is this: What are your thoughts on seeing my ex again, and how I might get over my ex given the circumstances? My goal is not to necessarily get better with women, but just to be comfortable with my life and date freely without thinking about her.
Best,
Student94
