No contact after no sex?

[FS80]

Sometimes I had situations where I probably could have sex with a girl on the first date. Even though it went great and she didn't leave on her own, most of them weren't up for a second date. Sometimes I still get positive reponses, but not futher than that. It feels like they are disappointed or maybe just wanted a ONS. Do you know that? What could be the main reason? I mean it's not like each dating or relationship has started with sex on the first date. I am happy if it still happens on the second or at least third date.

Great to hear your input.

 

[perpetualsun]

Hey been there done that a lot, several reasons I've observed.

The main theme is that she is consciously or subconsciously comparing you with guys she's had sex with and how fast they got there (ie, if the last few guys she dated got her in bed fast, a slow escalation may stick out in comparison). You typically will see virgins hang around afterwards more frequently, case in point.

Chase writes articles about how girls tend to view guys who TRY and AREN'T able to sleep with them as having "failed" the mating call in her eyes. That's not to say you've failed, but rather her view biologically. I have had numerous cases where I tried to get with girls, but failed, and 80% of these cases never saw them again. The ones that I do see stay around after are typically the ones looking for a husband/extremely serious relationship, or ones where my value is perceived to be much higher ("ie, asian girls in Asia due to wealth disparity").

HOWEVER, I have also had cases in the past where I turned the girls down for sex (crazy now thinking about it I know but due to things like not having protection, not sure if she had STDS, too drunk, etc from my younger days). In almost all these cases, the girls would almost always agree to another date. The reasoning here I believe was that they saw it as ME who was the person doing the rejecting, not them.

If I were you and you somehow absolutely didn't want to have sex on the first date, I would definitely frame it explicitly as YOU being the one not wanting sex. To date, the BEST excuse I've used is "If I sleep with you on the first date, I will probably lose interest in you right away", best done after escalation and before she puts up a wall. This frames you as a guy in control, and near zero guys will ever use this line, so will make you stand out. I've used this line around 10 times now in the past and each time the girl agreed enthusiastically to another date.

These are just my experiences and impressions.

 

[FS80]

Some good points there.

The main theme is that she is consciously or subconsciously comparing you with guys she's had sex with and how fast they got there (ie, if the last few guys she dated got her in bed fast, a slow escalation may stick out in comparison). You typically will see virgins hang around afterwards more frequently, case in point.

The last one for example said somewhere during the date that she is looking for someone who would be a great match for her. However, she also seemed to be open for just having sex. Maybe she has sex and afterwards decides if to have a relationship or not.

Chase writes articles about how girls tend to view guys who TRY and AREN'T able to sleep with them as having "failed" the mating call in her eyes. That's not to say you've failed, but rather her view biologically. I have had numerous cases where I tried to get with girls, but failed, and 80% of these cases never saw them again. The ones that I do see stay around after are typically the ones looking for a husband/extremely serious relationship, or ones where my value is perceived to be much higher ("ie, asian girls in Asia due to wealth disparity").

In general I have found that asian girls respond much better to me, stick around more and don't seem to be disappointed if nothing happened on the first date.

HOWEVER, I have also had cases in the past where I turned the girls down for sex (crazy now thinking about it I know but due to things like not having protection, not sure if she had STDS, too drunk, etc from my younger days). In almost all these cases, the girls would almost always agree to another date. The reasoning here I believe was that they saw it as ME who was the person doing the rejecting, not them.

How would that look like for example? Like getting her home and not having sex?

If I were you and you somehow absolutely didn't want to have sex on the first date, I would definitely frame it explicitly as YOU being the one not wanting sex. To date, the BEST excuse I've used is "If I sleep with you on the first date, I will probably lose interest in you right away", best done after escalation and before she puts up a wall. This frames you as a guy in control, and near zero guys will ever use this line, so will make you stand out. I've used this line around 10 times now in the past and each time the girl agreed enthusiastically to another date.

I am looking for a serious relationship and often my mind goes through these moments and says "you can't be so fast if you look for something serious". However, Chase says, it doesn't matter and you should always try to have sex on the first date. But how about very timid girls? I like more introverted girls.

 

[FS80]

A female friend once said to me that women expect that you ask them home at the end of the first date and even if she says no, she will respect you for that. Is that true?

 

[ProblemSolving]

Sometimes I had situations where I probably could have sex with a girl on the first date. Even though it went great and she didn't leave on her own, most of them weren't up for a second date. Sometimes I still get positive reponses, but not futher than that. It feels like they are disappointed or maybe just wanted a ONS. Do you know that? What could be the main reason? I mean it's not like each dating or relationship has started with sex on the first date. I am happy if it still happens on the second or at least third date.

Yes, some girls will go into the date expecting to get laid and if you don't make it happen they will auto-reject and you won't see them again. Hint: if you get the sense that the girl REALLY likes you, she probably wants to get laid, so make it happen.

Another reason you could fail to get second dates has to do with what you actually did on the date. I remember reading a post from you about a first date where you sat on a couch and talked for 2 hours. This is pretty boring and can kill all the excitement she had about meeting you.

If you are not going to try to get laid on the first date, then keep the date short, like an hour or less. Also, make sure to touch her, so she knows you find her attractive.

 

[FS80]

Another reason you could fail to get second dates has to do with what you actually did on the date. I remember reading a post from you about a first date where you sat on a couch and talked for 2 hours. This is pretty boring and can kill all the excitement she had about meeting you.

I try to change venues more often now and touching her. Sometimes it happens that I am not that much into her like when she is different than I thought. So I stay into talking mode, enjoy the evening nonetheless and say goodbye.

How do you touch her? It feels weird sometimes for me touching her out of nowhere or when other people are around.

 

[ProblemSolving]

How do you touch her? It feels weird sometimes for me touching her out of nowhere or when other people are around.

There's lots of different ways you can go about it. If she has a watch, ring or bracelet. "That's a cool watch." Grab her wrist and check it out.

She says something cheeky, so you give her a playful shove or squeeze her knee. Stuff like that.

 

[FS80]

If I were you and you somehow absolutely didn't want to have sex on the first date, I would definitely frame it explicitly as YOU being the one not wanting sex. To date, the BEST excuse I've used is "If I sleep with you on the first date, I will probably lose interest in you right away", best done after escalation and before she puts up a wall. This frames you as a guy in control, and near zero guys will ever use this line, so will make you stand out. I've used this line around 10 times now in the past and each time the girl agreed enthusiastically to another date.

Funny. I wrote this one girl who seemed into me on the first date (she even suggested both date locations). I wrote her a text message saying that I had the feeling she was disappointed at the end, but that I need some time otherwise I would lose interest quickly. Today she wrote me that she was a bit tired that night and how glad she is that I see it this way. She's asian by the way. From my experience it's not necessary rushing with them. They usually respond warmly.