"No sex on first date" rule

[Adventurer]

Hello,

Long time silent reader, this is my first post.

I'm in my late 20s and live in a major European city. I discovered Girls Chase one year ago as an inexperienced beginner. Since then I had a few lays and got into a relationship for a few months. So first of all, thanks a lot, this blog had a pretty big impact on my life.

Now to the point of the post. Lately, I'm meeting a lot of girls from online dating, activity groups and sometimes cold approach. I almost always manage to bring the girl back to my place (or hotel room when I travel) without issue. But when I escalate, it's always the same : they tell me they have a fixed rule to not have sex on the first date. Sometimes but more rarely, they object to kissing as well.

They are clearly excited and compliant up to this point, but will never go further than making out + sexual touch. It happened 10+ times at this point.

Things I've tried :

-Contest their frame / convince them logically that there is no need to wait : the worst solution, it's needy and kills attraction, sometimes the girls even scolded me for trying to pressure them
-Escalate only on the second/third date : life intervenes and sometimes there is no second date. And even when there is, they might also object to sex in the same way ("too soon") ! That's how I got with my ex (on the 3rd date) so it kinda works but there has to be something more efficient.
-Stop, wait and resume the escalation later : doesn't really work, as they will just repeat that they have a rule to not do it every time
-"Passion and compassion" i.e. building trust while also being passionnate (from one of the articles) : it makes them horny as hell but they still won't have sex
-Touching them on the "magic button" (from one of the articles) : they love it but still don't want to go further. Generally they start to object when I try to remove their clothes

Did someone else experience this and managed to solve it ?

 

[Conquistador]

Honestly? If you can’t get all the way on the first date it’s not a big deal with the right frames. It sounds like you’re going the “hot dude who gets girls” route rather than the hard-core player route.

Continuing to bang your head into the wall usually doesn’t work past a certain point.
Instead, the best thing is to reluctantly accept it for now and set the right frames so you can escalate later.

Sex on the second or third date is already way ahead of most dudes. Imagine waiting 6 dates!!
If you handled the first date right, you should be in a pretty strong position. Taking her by storm isn’t always gonna happen. If your chances with her are good, a little patience will often get them

First-date sex with “typical girls” usually happens in a situation that’s out of the ordinary in some way (e.g. a long, liminal date). These situations can be created (Teevster is a master at this if you haven’t read his articles), or they can just arise spontaneously.

 

[Police dog]

Sex on the second or third date is already way ahead of most dudes. Imagine waiting 6 dates!!

You guys are getting dates and have sex?
Just kidding but this is the reality for maybe not most but definitely many dudes. I am not a pro and rarely (read almost never) pull from first dates, but 2nd or 3rd date with some sexting in between are still pretty good goals to strive for.

 

[Adventurer]

Thanks for the replies

Maybe I'm too impatient, I want to test the material and improve so I almost always go for it if logistics are good

So you would recommend going for successive dates, and try to close on the 2nd / 3rd until I get better game ? I can do that

Something like coffee date first, and then on another day, drink in the evening near my place + "go for a walk" ?

 

[Chase]

@Maurice,

Hello,

Long time silent reader, this is my first post.

I'm in my late 20s and live in a major European city. I discovered Girls Chase one year ago as an inexperienced beginner. Since then I had a few lays and got into a relationship for a few months. So first of all, thanks a lot, this blog had a pretty big impact on my life.

Welcome the Boards! That's awesome to hear.

We have a section on the website devoted largely to getting past last-minute resistance like this:

Initiating Sex | Girls Chase

www.girlschase.com

That said, it sounds like you've tried a variety of standard tactics and they aren't working for you.

Generally speaking, there are two kinds of problems in the endgame: tactical and vibe.

If your problem is a tactical problem, you can just try switching up tactics, and should soon find one that works.

In your case, you've tried a variety of standard tactics, none of them work, so it points to a problem with vibe.

A few questions I'd ask:

• How sexual are your dates? i.e., do girls "know where this is probably going" on the date, or is it more of a surprise when you start to escalate? Some easy fixes if this is a problem: touch more, escalate touch on the date, let the atmosphere turn sexier as things go on, experiment with sex talk / sex stories / chase frames.
  
  
• What's the dynamic like at your place? i.e., are things engineered so you and the girl happen to be close together and escalation is natural (cramped loveseat, or together under blankets watch a movie, or close together behind your half-bar mixing drinks, etc.), or can they feel you moving closer to them with a bit of an awkward / chasey vibe? Do you let girls get comfortable in your place before you start making moves?
  
  
• How long do you persist after the objection? When I was a beginner I just made a mental commitment that any girl entering my bed could leave at any time, but unless/until she did I would continue looking for ways to escalate. I had plenty of hours-long escalations where the girl gave all sorts of objections... but eventually we ended up lovers. The ones I kicked myself over most were the ones where I knew the girl wanted it, but for some reason (fatigue, an early schedule, chickening out, etc.) I ended it after some stretch of time and walked the girl to the door. Those long escalations where you persist through it and finally break through LMR and take her as yours are very educational. Sooner or later you stumble on something that works really well... some vibe, some delivery, some way of looking at her or touching her. Then the next time you try that again. Then you refine it. Then you start to get less and less LMR. Sometimes you realize you can use the tactic before you hit LMR preemptively to reduce or eliminate it in advance. You don't learn any of that when you bail on the escalation when she objects but isn't actually going out the door under her own power.

My guess is girls are reaching your place in an unsexual mood, and things are not super smooth; then on top of that, after a while trying to escalate, you give up and walk them out -- not because they asked to leave, but because you figured it wasn't going anywhere.

It's going to take some time to reach the point where you ooze sex... it doesn't happen overnight.

But in the meantime, you can experiment with injecting more touch and sexual frames into your dates; you can set your place up such that close proximity is natural and girls have time to settle in; and you can adopt a mindset that when it comes to LMR, the girl can leave any time, but so long as she's there you will continue to look for ways to escalate -- anything less than that is doing her (and your education) a disservice.

Cheers,
Chase

 

[orkie123]

One thing I would add as a beginner myself is that I think you should still focus on 1st date lays as your priority to improvement with the advice above.

Most of my lays have been 1st date or never at all. Sure, a few did happen on 2nd or 3rd but with most girls, it's not that they want to wait till 2nd or 3rd date, it's that you haven't done enough to seduce/attract/build up trust/excitement yet. The no judgement sex talk helps a lot in my opinion too.

Almost every girl I've slept with on 1st date has said at one point a variation of "I don't sleep on first dates, I don't usually do this" regardless of how obvious it is that it's not true. If anything, if a girl says something like that - I would say the chances of sleeping with her go higher as she is already thinking about sleeping with you. Not always of course, some girls do have such rules and they tend to follow them but if a girl doesn't want to do 2nd/3rd date, in my opinion it was more likely that you didn't do enough rather than the rule being the reason.

Also, agreeing but continuing to escalate is an easy structure I follow if I get lost at what to do. e.g.

Her: "We are not having sex tonight"
Me: "Don't worry, no funny business tonight"
#Later objection while walking to mine#
Her: "Actually, I think I'm going to go home"
Me: "You are right, it's getting late and I have to wake up early for work, lets have another quick drink for few minutes and then we call it a night"

Then continue escalating as normal. Repeat for any other objections, giving some time where you go back to talking about non-sexual things.

Vary rarely they will bring back what you have said. If they do, I usually use it as an opportunity to give them a genuine compliment and pretend she used that to seduce me. something along the lines of:

"I know but you have this cute way of talking about X, it's like your eyes light up and you are full of passion for it, you've made me want to find out more about you". P.s. I only do this if something genuinely intrigued me so it comes out authentic.

 

[Derek da man]

it's that you haven't done enough to seduce/attract/build up trust/excitement yet. The no judgement sex talk helps a lot in my opinion too.

agree.

The big change I made was to treat a girl as if you were already sleeping with her from when the date starts. If you've gone from a pick up to coffee shop the date has started so you should look at her with desire and lust and have the mind set that you are already having sex with her and doing it again is just part of the date. By treating her this way your body language and mind set change hugely.

You stand much closer, look deeper in her eyes, touch her more, etc. If she doesn't like it she'll move away. A good example is when you meet you draw her straight into your personal space for a hug and kiss. Don't step into her space, bring her to you. When you hug her hold her but don't be the one to let go quickly, let her do that, or after 3-4 seconds relax a little and say something to her face while still holding her close and definitely within you personal space.

The above is just an example but by changing your mindset you change the image you project and therefore how she percieves you and your intent.

 

[Police dog]

Thanks for the replies

Maybe I'm too impatient, I want to test the material and improve so I almost always go for it if logistics are good

So you would recommend going for successive dates, and try to close on the 2nd / 3rd until I get better game ? I can do that

Something like coffee date first, and then on another day, drink in the evening near my place + "go for a walk" ?

Very easy yet super effective strategy that I use myself, you can try it:
1 date: coffee. The goal is to get to know her and show your value. Do some touching and go for a kiss at the end.
2 date: simple food like taco, more touching and kissing. If everything is smooth you might go for the pull with something like “I live nearby and have a very good tequila at home, it would be a great addition to this food”.
3 date: if everything was good before, you straight up ask her to come to your place with smth like “I see that we both like simple nice food, let’s cook something together”. Boom.

 

[Adventurer]

Thanks for all your replies, I have a lot of things to try in the next dates !

Chase, your first and third points are definitely things I need to improve. I'm still not very good at sex talk and my vibe is too platonic (even if it's leagues better than it used to be a few months ago). I'm just starting to experiment with chase frames, for now I find it hard to insert them into the conversation but I'll get there. Same for sexual humor

I will try to persist until the girl leaves my place by herself. I'm guilty of giving up too soon like you said, it mostly happens when I have no idea what to try next ahah. My reflex is to end the date on a high note but maybe persisting as much as possible is more effective

I have a good setup at home, my couch is just small enough that we have to sit close and I also have a videoprojector. Hate Netflix but it's convenient for dates

As for treating girls as though we are already together, I find it a bit hard to maintain that mindset during the whole date. But I do escalate touch and use the intense eye contact tech so generally the girls are not too surprised when I try something. This was also a big sticking point when I started, but now I sometimes have the opposite problem, some girls think label me as a fuckboy if I talk too much about my experiences/mindset as a sex talk attempt ahah

Police dog I will try your date template, it sounds pretty good and low effort For the pull, I just say "it's noisy/crowded here, let's go for a walk in the park" and go home along with the girl, works every time