Non-Party Girls

[Estate]

Hey guys,
Reading over the article lately, lots of really good points:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/why-i ... y-or-drink

Does anyone here have experience of girls who don't "party" so much. I've tried to expand my horizons lately. Bar/Club game has become so much easier but in a funny sort of way it has become more boring. It's almost too easy to just roll in and find girls but to be honest I'm just not finding a whole lot in terms of realtionship material, mostly I just meet girls up for a good time or something short-term. Perfectly fine in itself but when you begin to meet a lot of girls, at some point that almost begins to become mundane and you almost wish a girl would "step up" a little.

Meeting girls outside these venues has led to me meeting more girls who at least appear to have a lot more going for them, girls who on face value you would deem as more "relationship material". Their lives don't revolve exclusively around drinking, dramas, and the usual mundane stuff. They often drink little or not at all. An added bonus is that this leads them to be pretty fit and active... something I hadn't REALLY thought about before... girls who don't drink and go out so much, often are fit, they take care of themselves and needless to say have SMOKING hot bodies. They do tend to be more relationship orientated from my experience. Often going out and hooking up with guys is genuinely not necessarily their thing so they tend to be a little more shy or reserved at first at least, you need to draw them out of their shell.

One thing I find difficult to manage though is this... I'm not sure if this is just an American thing or not. I never found this back home:
Personally I'm an alrounder... I can party as good as anyone when I want... but it's not my life. If I had a big night out this weekend, maybe next weekend I'm off skiing. Women I meet here just seem to fall into one of two categories... there's no inbetween!
Suggesting a day-time date or something other than going out and getting obliterated to a party girl usually just backfires... you're a boring guy, you can't keep up... whatever.
On the other hand, if I suggest a late night out to a non-party girl, they are ultimately yawning and ready for bed by 10pm.... and by bed, I mean sleep.

I find BOTH difficult to handle in someone I'd actually date. With non-party girls I seem to run around trying to find time to get them before their schedule interjects.
While with party girls, I can surely keep up, but I'm not 21 anymore... I don't want to do it ALL THE TIME.

For a relationship, I probably am leaning towards the non-party girl. I've had so much less drama and so much more loyalty with these types of girls. But sometimes you wish they'd let loose a little. I want them to come have fun with me one night and we'll go do something fun and active the next time. How do I strike a balance with women I would actually consider dating?

 

[stlap4321]

The grocery store, a bar but an after work bar for professionals from 5-7pm weekdays who have day jobs (most of these women party a little, but have a real job to go to and need to be coherent the next day), business districts with lunch spots during lunch time, night school, ... church, health club, dog parks.

I've found the complete non-drinker to be a dud (the one I was with was allergic to alcohol), cause I like to tip back a couple here and there and well it didn't click for me.

good luck.

 

[Estate]

The grocery store, a bar but an after work bar for professionals from 5-7pm weekdays who have day jobs (most of these women party a little, but have a real job to go to and need to be coherent the next day), business districts with lunch spots during lunch time, night school, ... church, health club, dog parks.

I don't get it?

 

[stlap4321]

Places to find 'non party girls'.

 

[Estate]

Places to find 'non party girls'.

I know where to find them, that wasn't the question.

 

[Franco]

Estate,

How do I strike a balance with women I would actually consider dating?

Your question essentially is, "how do I change a woman to get her to do the things I want to do?" The short answer is, you can't. The longer answer is that, a girl who is very into you will be more open to trying new things, but if it's not her personality to do those things regularly, then she's eventually going to give push-back on it.

So ideally, you just need to find a woman who is on the same page with you when it comes to going out and having a good time. There are women out there that occasionally like to go out and have a drink, just like there are women who love to go rage every weekend and there are women who like to sit at home and read a book with a glass of wine every weekend. So the question still becomes more of a, "where do I go to find a woman who strikes this balance?"

Well, to be honest, there really is no place you can go to find only women who strike a balance between the two. If you do day-game, you're going to run into every type of girl: party girls, homebodies, and everything in between. With night game, you're not going to run into homebodies, but you will run into plenty of party girls with some "mildly" outgoing girls in between. So my answer to this question becomes a two-parter:

• 1) Pick up women where you feel the most comfortable. Since you're looking for something that's in between, then you're going to have to filter through women no matter where you pick up. And if you're going to have to filter, you might as well do it in the place you have the most success (or that you feel the most comfortable).
  
  2) Begin screening women before you even start talking to them. This means, if you see a girl that is attractive at a bar, watch her for a few minutes and see what type of girl she is. Does she have tons of guys buying her drinks before she runs to the dance floor to rage like a rockstar? Does she stand in the corner with her group of friends sipping a drink in her hand while looking around as if she doesn't do this very often? Or does she look comfortable in the environment but doesn't get too many drinks and seems to be laughing and socializing with everyone she meets?
  
  NOTE: Day-game is extremely difficult to screen before you actually approach. So this works better during night-game.

You can pick up a lot from what a girl is like based on her body language before you actually approach her and the way she interacts with other people. Start trying to judge which girls you think meet your expectations, and then actually approach them to see if your instincts were correct. If they weren't, then you'll need to take those data references and try to improve your instincts.

All-in-all, you're looking for the toughest type of girl to find: the one that knows how to have a good time but is also going to make a great, respectable girlfriend in the process. The only way to do that is to constantly approach, and the only way to improve your chances of landing what you're looking for is to learn how to screen before you approach to see if you can key in on which girls are likely to fit the bill of what you're looking for.

- Franco

 

[metomeya]

Franco = Like a Boss

 

[Estate]

Thanks Franco,
But let me try come at this from another angle...

In Chase's article he talks about the advantages of meeting and dating non-Party girls... he makes some great points for sure and I can definitely attest to them so far.
But he also mentions dating them "even if I like to go out and drink myself"...

So there is the slight contradiction.

My lifestlye nowadays is not about total game or endless nights out. I strike a balance. I LOVE to unwind one Friday night but I can equally be the sort to go home, relax or maybe plan an adventure the next day instead of shaking off a hangover. The problem I find is that if a girl is a "club girl" she HAS to go out and party Friday night... that's what she does. If I find a girl whos NOT a party girl, she might like a coffee, a movie or go home and be in bed by 10. There is no balance there.

I certainly don't want to "change" anyone. I know right away that's not going to go anywhere. But how do you date a non-party girl but also enjoy going out YOURSELF? Personally I'd LOVE to have a girl who can enjoy a late night on the town with me as much as a girl who can stay in or go on an adventure another night. If I were to date someone and lets say she doesn't "party", then if feel at total odds to want to do it myself SOMETIMES, because then what's the point? I may be dating her but she's never there and can't do those things with me.

Maybe I'm still trying to understand American culture. I find this with guys I go out with here...
Back in Ireland drinking is more of a social thing. I can easily meet my friends, hit a bar, have 4,5,6 pints and be more than content to just shoot the breeze, catch up, have fun, it's not really partying, we can drink more but responsibly and not get wasted.
But when I generally go out with guys here, once you hit Drink #3, it is now considered "Partying" even though I personally would not even have a buzz going and there is a total inability to sit still and shit-talk with your friends... everyone now has to be in "Party-Mode".... thus, even if I'm not "Partying"... being out past 10pm and having 3 or more drinks is considered as such. Thus where I find these girls difficult... while they may be happy to join a night out. If I hit drink #3, I am now considered to be partying and they don't like it.

I'm not sure how you strike a balance here.

 

[Franco]

Estate,

Well, age will play a significant factor here. From what I've found, if you want to find girls that are really down to go out and have a good time, but not necessarily "rage" or "party" or get flat-out drunk, you'll need to approach older women who have that "been there, done that" type of attitude towards it. Girls who go out and drink rarely just "stop" going out and drinking the rest of their lives -- they just tone it down to a more "mature" level (if you will).

You bring up an interesting topic about something that I considered posting at some point based on my own personal experience. I have a considerable amount of experience now, and I can say with some justification that women under 25 who go out almost always do not make suitable women to date in serious relationships. Now, as with anything, this is of course not a fine line and there are going to be some women who fall out of this category. But from my experience, girls who like to go out (which I consider a starting age of '21' in the States) usually go through a transition period that takes about 4 years to get out of (at a minimum). This can have to do with the fact that they simply still love going out for the first 3-4 years, or it can do with the fact that they are finally getting approached by men when they go out to bars -- something that is a new experience to girls when they turn 21. Of course, after 4 years and several broken hearts later, they start to see things from a "truer" light and tend to calm down when it comes to going out. They understand the environment, they know what happens when they drink too much, and they know that going out can still be fun without having to go "all out."

The girl I am seeing right now is almost the perfect example. She's 25 and grew up in Vegas. She partied for 4 years straight after turning 21 and pretty much knew how to get free drinks and free admission to every club and pool party in Vegas. A few months before her 25th birthday, she decided she wanted to follow her career and moved out to San Diego, where she had the great pleasure of meeting... me.

We've been seeing each other for over 4 months now, and I go out with her about once every single week. We both enjoy it thoroughly, but then we also have nights where we just sit at home, cook dinner, and watch a movie. She's very open to whatever it is I want to do because she's comfortable in every environment that I take her to -- this comes with the fact that she's done it all before but she's ready to "take it down a notch" and enjoy the other things that life has to offer.

So when it comes to a girl that is willing to go out (and actually enjoy it) but still considerable long-term material, then I would start looking for girls who are 25+, and I would still try to meet them at a bar so that you know that they enjoy going out. These girls are much more likely to fulfill the role that you're looking for.

- Franco