Non-typical "Friendzone" advice

[Overtime]

Hey all, I'm in a peculiar situation that is actually what brought me down the path of pickup/self improvement.

I met a girl while she was in a relationship. We hit it off, we both were attracted to each other, but I didn't know to set boundaries on that front so I landed in the typical friendzone.

Fast forward a few months of us hanging out too much, as just friends, and she became single. About a week later we fooled around but she was adamant about it not changing our friendship and I obliged.

This has been going on fairly infrequently for a few months now, always hand/mouth stuff with no actual sex. Our last time hanging out, it was much more intense than normal and things were moving towards actually having sex. She stopped me and said "I'm just not ready for this yet".

I don't really know how to proceed with her, as I am very much into this girl. I previously put her on a pedestal, but I'm slowly getting better about not doing that anymore.

I don't believe she's just stringing me along for whatever reason, but I also have a bit of a blindspot when it comes to her. She is extremely independent and tough to read at times. My initial thought is that she truthfully isn't ready for a relationship, but deep down wants one with me and feels sex would solidify that relationship too much so she's been avoiding it.

Not sure if this is just a vent post, but any advice or ideas about how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys.

I'm also out practicing pickup and meeting other girls in the meantime, but a relationship with her is what I actually want.

 

[topcat]

but I'm slowly getting better about not doing that anymore.

wanna know how you get there quickly? you ditch her cold turkey. when she asks what happened, tell her "I like you too much,this is torture and I can't continue to fool around with you. better I find somebody who will return my feelings..". Do not take anything she says after that seriously. get out of there and go busy yourself with other women. cut her off. she'll likely go mad for a bit and chase the fuck out of you. hold firm. be busy with other women. when you guys do bump heads again act like nothing happened, let her seduce YOU, then bed her..if you feel like it.

 

[Overtime]

wanna know how you get there quickly? you ditch her cold turkey. when she asks what happened, tell her "I like you too much,this is torture and I can't continue to fool around with you. better I find somebody who will return my feelings..". Do not take anything she says after that seriously. get out of there and go busy yourself with other women. cut her off. she'll likely go mad for a bit and chase the fuck out of you. hold firm. be busy with other women. when you guys do bump heads again act like nothing happened, let her seduce YOU, then bed her..if you feel like it.

Revisiting this after months of hot and cold from her. Gave up practicing game because she got me locked back in, only to withdraw again weeks later.

I'm committed back to the game and not letting a single woman have this kind of control over me. It's not easy, she's very much in my social circle so it's much harder to go no contact, and I don't plan to. But I've stopped being the "boyfriend without a girlfriend" and I'm treating her as a legit "buddy" now. My goal now is not to win her over, but to give myself the ability to have options.

Really appreciate your advice. A few days ago I used some seduction techniques and got a 7.5 back to my place in ~2 hours but couldn't close. Need to work on sexualizing and escalating more. She showed so many IOIs and I actually noticed them in real time, but I couldn't find a way to escalate and we just fell asleep. It's a process and I plan to put the work in now. Devouring this content and looking forward to rejections and the learning processes/experiences. Thanks again!

 

[WierdDough]

Revisiting this after months of hot and cold from her. Gave up practicing game because she got me locked back in, only to withdraw again weeks later.

I'm committed back to the game and not letting a single woman have this kind of control over me. It's not easy, she's very much in my social circle so it's much harder to go no contact, and I don't plan to. But I've stopped being the "boyfriend without a girlfriend" and I'm treating her as a legit "buddy" now. My goal now is not to win her over, but to give myself the ability to have options.

Really appreciate your advice. A few days ago I used some seduction techniques and got a 7.5 back to my place in ~2 hours but couldn't close. Need to work on sexualizing and escalating more. She showed so many IOIs and I actually noticed them in real time, but I couldn't find a way to escalate and we just fell asleep. It's a process and I plan to put the work in now. Devouring this content and looking forward to rejections and the learning processes/experiences. Thanks again!

This kind of oneitis happens to everyone, be glad that it´s already done and dusted for you, and learn not to fall into the same pattern again. Women of certain beauty have their means of drawing out needy behavior from us guys. Sometimes by being particularly cold, sometimes by their warm embrace.

When they are cold, it triggers the fear of rejection. But what really is that fear if not the need to be liked by them, and to maintain a sense of self-importance in the relationship.

When they are warm and loving towards you it plays on those needs, validating them, and making the needs grow stronger.

Neediness makes you invest too much into the relationship, and ones that happens you feel like you can´t back down. Investment takes the form of energy, effort and emotion. Energy is time spent thinking about her, and trying to figure out how to solve the situation. Effort are your actions, the way you alter your behavior for her to satisfy your needs. Emotion in the strongest of all, it´s all the physical sensations that hinders you from breaking away from your neediness, feelings of true discomfort and sometimes pain, feelings of longing and admiration towards towards her.

The one way to rid yourself of this is to build your self esteem. Learn to self-satisfy your needs, and have the self respect to not invest more then you are willing.

Glad you are on the path!