Not acting on attraction invitations.........

[LoverOfWomen]

I used to find it hard to maintain eye contact with people so I was never fully aware of my surroundings. I wouldn't actively look for approach invitations as I didn't think girls would be interested.

Things have changed for the better as I've improved my fundamentals,mindset and conversational skills. I can tell which girls are interested as I'm more aware of my surroundings.

The issue is I get a lot of Approach invitations from girls but I never act on them.
Just today I went to the gym and saw this girl stealing glances, another girl gave me a sexy smirk as I was walking towards her direction but again that's as far as it goes.


My mindset:

Before I go out: I'm fully motivated and excited to meet girls. I can envision all the positive interactions I'm gonna have.

Spotting the girl: I see a potential, she looks my way and smiles. At this point I freeze as I know it's time to walk the walk. I try to make excuses (the convo will be awkward/you'll find another girl).

The girl leaves: I feel annoyed as I seem to be waiting for the perfect moment which will never come.

Conclusion:

I know it sound silly as on the one hand I'm saying I want to meet girls but on the other hand when they do give me invitations I seem to freeze and act as if I never saw anything.
I guess I'm most fearful if the convo is awkward which will lead to rejection.

Questions:

1) have you guys had similar experiences?

2) how did you overcome it?

3) Is this due to some insecurities?
I'm not secure about my physique so I've been going to he gym to build muscle (I'm making great progress )

 

[NealIRC]

she looks my way and smiles. At this point I freeze as I know it's time to walk the walk. I try to make excuses (the convo will be awkward/you'll find another girl).

The girl leaves: I feel annoyed as I seem to be waiting for the perfect moment which will never come.

The girl leaves because she felt *you* rejected *her*.

 

[lostnumber]

This is called "approach anxiety" and every single guy in the world who isn't a complete sociopath feels it.

My solution was to cheat and skip approaching entirely by getting into the online dating Scene, with the intent of tackling the "hard" stuff like approaching later on. I eventually became so successful at doing the online thing that I've never bothered developing a day game or any approach skills. Not necessarily recommending that as your Plan A, but its an option at least that wasn't available 5-10 years ago

 

[foggy]

For me, the regret from not acting on AIs built up to the point where it felt worse than the pain i'd feel from any given rejection. After that I started acting on more approach invitations. I'm sure the same will happen with you.

When you receive an AI you might be putting too much pressure on yourself for you to succeed. You might think, "here is a girl who is into me!! i better not mess this up!!" and as a result you don't approach. This leads to excuse-making like you mentioned you are doing.

The trick is to JUST SAY HI. Don't expect anything to come out of the conversation.

One last thing: When you get an AI from a girl and you open her, it can be really rewarding. The majority of guys that girls give AIs to do not act on them, so it makes a girl really happy when you do act on one. Her face will light up, she'll laugh lots, you won't have to work to get her to open up, overall it'll be a fun time.

 

[LoverOfWomen]

For me, the regret from not acting on AIs built up to the point where it felt worse than the pain i'd feel from any given rejection. After that I started acting on more approach invitations. I'm sure the same will happen with you.

When you receive an AI you might be putting too much pressure on yourself for you to succeed. You might think, "here is a girl who is into me!! i better not mess this up!!" and as a result you don't approach. This leads to excuse-making like you mentioned you are doing.

The trick is to JUST SAY HI. Don't expect anything to come out of the conversation.

One last thing: When you get an AI from a girl and you open her, it can be really rewarding. The majority of guys that girls give AIs to do not act on them, so it makes a girl really happy when you do act on one. Her face will light up, she'll laugh lots, you won't have to work to get her to open up, overall it'll be a fun time.

Thanks It's interesting to see that people have similar experiences to me. I've always known guys to be anxious of approaching but getting feedback on it is great.

When you mentioned that the regret from not acting on AI was worse than the pain of rejection. I can understand that as I get that feeling all the time, I think what could've happened if I'd only approached. She could've been my gf/friend/FWB etc.

(LostNumber)
I'm the same as I feel more comfortable dating online but it's more competitive as it's more about looks/guys are more courageous behind their smartphones.
When I meet up with girls online I feel like I know them as we've already broken the ice somewhat, so I'm more comfortable with deep diving and building sexual tension.

The few times I acted on a AI this happened
( viewtopic.php?f=5&t=17207). I like to reflect on what happened: how I acted? improvements? fundamentals?. I try not to take rejections personally. It was a good experience but I guess I was too eager and excited that this girl was talking to me.

Ok I'll take your advice and say hi.....and then probably give her a compliment so she knows my intentions. If I can't do that I'll slowly build up from saying hi to how are you? Etc.
Less expectations = Less pressure


Honestly the amount of Solid AI's I receive daily Is huge and it's from varying types of girls. I'll do the newbie assessment to get myself to approach girls.

I appreciate the advice bro

 

[ResentMasculinity]

that's why cold approach exists

 

[andersen09]

Quit being a bitch. There can't be two vaginas in a relationship.