- Joined
- Feb 5, 2017
- Messages
- 1,055
The Approach
It was a rainy day, and I was walking home from work. I hadn’t done any approaches (had given one girl a compliment, but that doesn’t count). I’m standing, about to cross the street, when I notice a girl give me a IOI. I pause, as she isn’t the cutest, but decide to run after her and see what happens. Open direct, with cute, and she calls me out on where I saw her, so I own up to it by pointing out that I’m out of breath. I don’t think I really seemed that chasing but given it was after work, it could have been.
We talk and we trade a little bit of information. I found out her current plans, her job, and some of her hobbies before we trade numbers. I don’t remember her asking too much about me.
Texting
Texting is pretty straightforward, taken mostly from Hector’s book. And so the date is set for 8:30PM on a weekday. A little later than I would have liked, but the only time that works for me given some new hobbies I’m picking up.
The Date
She arrives before me, and I’m running late getting from my previous engagement. I think I apologize a bit too much, and am a bit discombobulated on my arrival. Not smooth, but a little wild. I take a second to calm down while in conversation with her.
I order and pay for the drinks, and then we go to the couches to sit on. She sits in a way that immediately places a lot of distance between us. Her legs are slightly close to my legs, but her body is definitely further away. It’s close enough that when I put my arm on the sofa, I can occasionally use the hand to incidentally touch her arm.
Conversation feels a little boring-I do actually think my voice is much better, and there’s definitely a purr to how I’m talking, and while she’s asking me questions and is engaged, she doesn’t actually feel particularly invested at any point.
I do find out her schedule early on, and it turns out she’s just started running, and is going for a run in the morning. So that introduces an early logistical issue.
From here it’s some deep diving, mixed with some stimulating topics. Deep diving on childhood/family/heritage. I add in some stimulating topics in terms of where she wants to travel, and what she enjoys doing when traveling, and what emotions she feels when traveling. Then go into some of the people you meet when traveling, the creeps, the friends, and the lovers. She doesn’t connect much with the lovers because she’s been traveling with friends and so wasn’t really looking for that. I try to dive into how she’s found dating in NYC, but she just avoids the question.
That’s kind of how it goes. I try to go into a topic, get her talking about it, then connect with her about it, but it feels a bit stale throughout.
At some point I suggest we get out of here, and she looks at the clock and says she needs to go home. I don’t suggest a pull to mine, but do suggest staying out longer, and she declines, saying she needs to sleep. I try to persist a bit, but not very much.
The vibe is friendly throughout, and there’s some incidental touch on the walk to the bus stop, and she is laughing and I’m teasing her throughout. But nothing ever feels really “on”.
Notes from Hector
I should have addressed the elephant in the room-mainly that she's behaving in a way that is highly corporate, and not going into details that are good for date talk. I should have told her that it felt like she was putting a wall up, and then been okay with dipping if she kept up that behavior.
It was a rainy day, and I was walking home from work. I hadn’t done any approaches (had given one girl a compliment, but that doesn’t count). I’m standing, about to cross the street, when I notice a girl give me a IOI. I pause, as she isn’t the cutest, but decide to run after her and see what happens. Open direct, with cute, and she calls me out on where I saw her, so I own up to it by pointing out that I’m out of breath. I don’t think I really seemed that chasing but given it was after work, it could have been.
We talk and we trade a little bit of information. I found out her current plans, her job, and some of her hobbies before we trade numbers. I don’t remember her asking too much about me.
Texting
Texting is pretty straightforward, taken mostly from Hector’s book. And so the date is set for 8:30PM on a weekday. A little later than I would have liked, but the only time that works for me given some new hobbies I’m picking up.
The Date
She arrives before me, and I’m running late getting from my previous engagement. I think I apologize a bit too much, and am a bit discombobulated on my arrival. Not smooth, but a little wild. I take a second to calm down while in conversation with her.
I order and pay for the drinks, and then we go to the couches to sit on. She sits in a way that immediately places a lot of distance between us. Her legs are slightly close to my legs, but her body is definitely further away. It’s close enough that when I put my arm on the sofa, I can occasionally use the hand to incidentally touch her arm.
Conversation feels a little boring-I do actually think my voice is much better, and there’s definitely a purr to how I’m talking, and while she’s asking me questions and is engaged, she doesn’t actually feel particularly invested at any point.
I do find out her schedule early on, and it turns out she’s just started running, and is going for a run in the morning. So that introduces an early logistical issue.
From here it’s some deep diving, mixed with some stimulating topics. Deep diving on childhood/family/heritage. I add in some stimulating topics in terms of where she wants to travel, and what she enjoys doing when traveling, and what emotions she feels when traveling. Then go into some of the people you meet when traveling, the creeps, the friends, and the lovers. She doesn’t connect much with the lovers because she’s been traveling with friends and so wasn’t really looking for that. I try to dive into how she’s found dating in NYC, but she just avoids the question.
That’s kind of how it goes. I try to go into a topic, get her talking about it, then connect with her about it, but it feels a bit stale throughout.
At some point I suggest we get out of here, and she looks at the clock and says she needs to go home. I don’t suggest a pull to mine, but do suggest staying out longer, and she declines, saying she needs to sleep. I try to persist a bit, but not very much.
The vibe is friendly throughout, and there’s some incidental touch on the walk to the bus stop, and she is laughing and I’m teasing her throughout. But nothing ever feels really “on”.
Notes from Hector
I should have addressed the elephant in the room-mainly that she's behaving in a way that is highly corporate, and not going into details that are good for date talk. I should have told her that it felt like she was putting a wall up, and then been okay with dipping if she kept up that behavior.
