Casual/FWB Not sure what t do

[Anonymous]

I started dating this girl like 2 months ago(Let's call her "J". I had a fiancé at the time, but it was the end of the relationship anyway. She pushed me to break up with the fiancé. I never told her it was a fiancé, Just a GF. We hung out and made out,but she wouldn't have sex with me till I broke up with the GF. A month later I did and J texted me a lot and we had a lot of text sex. We finally had a real date and the sex was awesome the first and second dates. Se couldn't get enough of me. The third time we had sex was a quickie during work lunch and neither of us could orgasm. Mostly because we were in a rush and she was nervous about her body building event the next day.

We were intense for like a month. Constant " missing you " texts from her. She told me not to be jealous if there were a lot of pics with guys on her FB due to the muscle event. There were a lot, but itwas cool. After the event she started texting me less and said she was too tired to see me. I went from seeing daily to not haven't seen her in two weeks. I text and call her and ask what's changed and she says nothing or too tired and busy. I've tried the blow off approach and she'll text "are you alive" or hey ! But the whole tone has changed.

Now I, using the approach and being honest saying I really like her and want more than a fling. Now it's very sporadic texts and it takes a long time to get a reply. What should I do? Did I blow it?

 

[Chase]

Cardfan-

We were intense for like a month. Constant " missing you " texts from her. She told me not to be jealous if there were a lot of pics with guys on her FB due to the muscle event. There were a lot, but itwas cool. After the event she started texting me less and said she was too tired to see me. I went from seeing daily to not haven't seen her in two weeks. I text and call her and ask what's changed and she says nothing or too tired and busy. I've tried the blow off approach and she'll text "are you alive" or hey ! But the whole tone has changed.

When you see a rapid reversal like this, it almost always means she's slept with someone else and moved on / lost interest. She has a lot of signs that point to her being a high sex drive / high novelty-seeking type who's used to being in command and getting what she wants, so that's rather to be expected with her here.

Now I, using the approach and being honest saying I really like her and want more than a fling. Now it's very sporadic texts and it takes a long time to get a reply. What should I do? Did I blow it?

It's not so much you as her. Her warning you that she was going to have a lot of pictures with men and for you to not be jealous communicates that she sees herself as the more dominant partner in your relationship (her instructing you to break up with your ex also shows this, as does her telling you she won't have sex until you break up, and then actually keeping her word and doing so). It also means she knows exactly what she's doing - she knew she'd be around a lot of men, she knew she'd be taking pictures of it, and she also wanted to minimize any chance you created some Facebook drama for her (thus communicating she expected you'd be more into her - and jealous - than she's into you). She sounds very sexually experienced, and very high sex drive. This kind of girl you can't "talk" into sleeping with you again - she does what she wants. The best thing you can do is try to intrigue her again - she may have found you interesting when you were the "forbidden fruit" in a relationship, but now that you're single and she has you she's become bored (as high drive girls are wont to do, frequently - boredom sets in very easily).

Telling her you want more than a fling does the opposite for you here than what you intended. All she WANTS are flings; saying you want a relationship classifies you as someone who's going to be problems and drama for her - who will get jealous and upset about her non-responsiveness and her dalliances with other men - and sends her running for the hills.

She may want more than flings at some point, but from someone she feels is dominant to her - not from someone she's comfortable bossing around. You'd need to completely change the dynamic you have with her before this became an option - and she'd need to chase it with you, rather than you chase after it with her.

"Are you there?" texts from her tell you she expects you to be there - it might be time to start breaking her expectations. She needs to think you have a more interesting, vivacious, energetic life than she does, quite possibly filled with more sex. If you can paint that picture for her, there's a good chance you become that thing that she wants and isn't sure if she can get once again, and regain her interest.

Chase