FR OKCupid date, reserved girl looking for more

[jackoftades819]

So I match with this girl on OKCupid and she messages me first, she's average looking but I love her smile. We char for a while, we tell each other something interesting about our selves and why we were on the site (she's looking for more dating experience & I say looking for interesting people). I tell her about my passion for music, she asks "That's cool! Are you a good teacher?" I respond with "Well I've never tried but I'm very good with my hands". And she replies with "Lol are you offering ". Already off to a good start.

We discuss logistics and we set up a date for evening the next day. I try to just get her over to see a movie but she says she's cautious so I arrange to meet her at a dining hall on campus. I tell her to wear something cute and she responds with "I'm always cute lol". So an hour before the date I send her a confirmation text and we're all set. I'm wearing a leather jacket with grey jeans and a necklace with an angel charm. She gets a little lost but I find her, hug her, tell her she looks good. We get to the dining hall and we're having a great conversation. I get her to do most of the talking. She asks about my necklace, and I tell her that maybe I'll tell her about it later. She's smiling and talking for most of the time and I love it, I loved listening to her talk. She talks about her career, family, dogs, etc.

She asks a few questions about me but I use these as an opportunity to tease and deflect but ultimately answer. We talk about books for the longest time, including Harry Potter, but she mentions Stephen King so I bring up his book "Gerald's Game", which is premised by a husband handcuffing his wife to the bed for sex. I take this opportunity to ask her inclination towards handcuff or bondage in general. She's reluctant to talk at first but she opens up, mentioning that she really only does "typical" things in bed. We move on to something else for a bit but we get back to sex topics soon enough. She tells me one night stands are probably not for her, I counter this by bringing up how sex is about the physical AND emotional connection and I tell her how that sort of thing feels in the moment. She seems very entranced. She's mentioned before that she "likes to make people work for stuff" as a way to prove if they really want something. I tease her about the way society views sex as a reward that women give men for dates. She's agreed or said she understood at every point. I also ask her what she enjoys in bed but she says that's something for a possible second date.

We've been talking for hours and she says she probably should go home (she mentioned before that she has an early morning) so I suggest we go to my place for about 5 minutes and give her a "music lesson". She declines says she'd save that for a second date, I don't push for it. I walk her out to her car, tell her I had a lot of fun talking to her and kiss her on the lips. I'm sure she wants to see me again and I might bed her this time, so I'd love any advice for the second date.

 

[Fuck This]

Second date cook dinner with her at your place if you live where you have a kitchen.

If you need a venue change to give her a more comfort, take her with you to the market to buy ingredients. (shared experience)

No kitchen? hhmmmm...Winter night picnic or hot chocolate (and schnapps) in a thermos. Roast a couple marshmallows over a firepit, or even a backpacking stove. Cold? let's head to my place to warm up. Have her meet you at your place, go out and return to your place.

 

[mindful]

I've found myself in this situation many times before, couldn't close on the first date and rarely saw the girl again. So I'm interested how this turns out

Anyways, a few observations.

This girl is flirting with you well before the date, and even on your confirmation texts - so yep this is a good sign which you realize.

It seems like you know what you are doing from a conversational stand-point, also introducing some sex topics to take it off the safe path and have her view you in a more sexual way.

I'd say the biggest glaring thing that sticks out to me is this:

We've been talking for hours and she says she probably should go home (she mentioned before that she has an early morning)

You were with her in the dining hall for far too long, so long that SHE was the one that said she should probably go home. This leads to difficult situations where a girl can emotionally crest and fall-off and think nothing is going to happen. I know you tried to get her to come to your place initially, but most girls will not do that unless your frame is on point. So you get her out at the dining hall... and you just stay and talk. You need to be aware to move it forward on your terms not hers. You tried to move her back to your place once she said she should go... not good.

At the end of the date you kiss her - I know there is mixed views on this site about that. I've done it both ways with mixed results.

I'm sure she wants to see me again and I might bed her this time, so I'd love any advice for the second date.

Even if you think the date went great you should never assume this. A girl will reflect on the overall experience and how you made her feel (in the moment) when she decides if she will see you again (and I hope she does).

And as for a second date: I agree with the above poster and try to get her to your place.

 

[CCIF3]

You were with her in the dining hall for far too long, so long that SHE was the one that said she should probably go home. This leads to difficult situations where a girl can emotionally crest and fall-off and think nothing is going to happen.

EXACTLY what happens.

Sometimes this fall-off happens within the span of 5 minutes and afterward you think, "uh where was the girl that liked me." Then she goes cold, so you begin chasing, and that's the beginning of the end.