Old contact. Genuine disinterest, or shit test?

[ThePhoenix]

Ok, so I'm still reeling over something that happened Sunday. (Had a beautiful girl in my bedroom and I let my fears stop me from escalating. Might post about it later.) I'm trying to get my mind off it so I'm firing out texts all over the place randomly. Got to get out for more day game, too.

Anyway, one of these random texts I fire out is to a girl I initially met in one of the most daring approaches in my life, in 2015. (None of my friends IRL would have been 1/4 as bold.) I realize success ratio on old girls is going to be low, but a text only takes a few moments so what the heck.

Back in 2015, had a coffee date with this girl near her place at the other end of the city. We connected well, I hinted I'd like to go home with her, she hinted let's do it now, but my brain was deeply conditioned out of appreciating that's what her answer actually meant. Totally violated Sexy Son Hypothesis / "move fast." We stayed in touch here and there the remainder of that year. Tried to get her out again but, although we talked on the phone and arrived at an idea we both liked, I was both not persistent enough and made other strategy blunders; between that and my clueless handling of her initial hint, didn't happen.

Next summer, sent her a little reconnect text which she didn't answer. Did the same New Years 2017 and we traded a couple messages, but I was dumb and didn't go in quick for a meet so it just went nowhere. Sent a couple reconnect texts last summer she didn't answer. Decided not to write this New Years as I had written some other girls anyway and figured I'd wait to reconnect over the cultural thing we met through instead, which starts up on the back end in March.

So today, I write and she answers in under 20 min.:

Me: Feathered enemy! [inside joke] So as I recall, you're not [participating in the event] any more. I know those [people who interfered with the event] drove me pretty crazy. What do you say we grab coffee, Amerie?

Her: Hi Phoenix, I'm not sure about [participating in the event]. Unfortunately my schedule is unpredictable so I wouldn't be able Togo [sic] for coffee.

I'd assume this is disinterest. But I'm used to fried contacts just not answering at all, or else being much more terse, so I'm almost wondering if it's a shit test or something or just needs some "manly resolve" lol.

Questions:

1. Is this definitely firm disinterest, or is there a good way to try to push through this? I don't want to do anything she would find too rude/uncalibrated, especially with her having potential connections.
   
   
2. Was I too quick in proposing coffee in a text literally out of the blue, or is this an ok approach to trying to revive old contacts?

 

[Seppuku]

Ok, so I'm still reeling over something that happened Sunday. (Had a beautiful girl in my bedroom and I let my fears stop me from escalating. Might post about it later.) I'm trying to get my mind off it so I'm firing out texts all over the place randomly. Got to get out for more day game, too.

Oh God hahaha. Well, you're getting girls in your room, that's a progress. Next time, instead of thinking of all the things that could go wrong if you escalate, think that if you let her out of the room without escalating you will never see her again. How about that for a motivation? You escalate: 50% chance of making two happy people and 50% chance of dealing with LMR. You don't escalate: you make two frustrated people and never see her again. So next time, take the leap of faith and choose option 1.

We are conditioned to think that fucking a girl within a couple of hours of ever meeting her *cannot* work. Yet, it is in this precise circumstance that our chance of ever fucking her is the highest. Fortunately after succeeding at that a couple of times our brain start to register the fact. And after doing just that fifty times, it becomes the new normality.

Me: Feathered enemy! [inside joke] So as I recall, you're not [participating in the event] any more. I know those [people who interfered with the event] drove me pretty crazy. What do you say we grab coffee, Amerie?

Her: Hi Phoenix, I'm not sure about [participating in the event]. Unfortunately my schedule is unpredictable so I wouldn't be able Togo [sic] for coffee.

I'd assume this is disinterest. But I'm used to fried contacts just not answering at all, or else being much more terse, so I'm almost wondering if it's a shit test or something or just needs some "manly resolve" lol.

Who the hell knows for sure. Here, you jumped out of the blue straight into asking for a coffee date. I would first chat a little back and forth to feel how it vibes. Then float the general idea of meeting up. Then go specific (what, where and when).

In case of unhelpful comment like here, the best is to (1) completely ignore she ever said that, (2) do not respond, (3) go silent, and (4) re-engage after a week or so like if nothing happened.

If it's a second unhelpful answer, then it's a sign you'd better spend your time on more promising prospects.

Seppuku

 

[ThePhoenix]

Hey Seppuku, thank you for the suggestions! Will try waiting a bit and re-engaging & see what she does.

Here, you jumped out of the blue straight into asking for a coffee date. I would first chat a little back and forth to feel how it vibes. Then float the general idea of meeting up. Then go specific (what, where and when).

That would usually be my approach, too. However, here I was sort of trying out a notion from Chase, that initial texts that don't say what you actually want impose a high cognitive burden so are less likely to be answered. He has advocated bringing up meeting in the first text. I'm having a bit of trouble reconciling that with what you and I both seem to have found, unless that was only intended for use after a recent approach.

Oh God hahaha. Well, you're getting girls in your room, that's a progress. Next time, instead of thinking of all the things that could go wrong if you escalate, think that if you let her out of the room without escalating you will never see her again. How about that for a motivation? You escalate: 50% chance of making two happy people and 50% chance of dealing with LMR. You don't escalate: you make two frustrated people and never see her again. So next time, take the leap of faith and choose option 1.

We are conditioned to think that fucking a girl within a couple of hours of ever meeting her *cannot* work. Yet, it is in this precise circumstance that our chance of ever fucking her is the highest. Fortunately after succeeding at that a couple of times our brain start to register the fact. And after doing just that fifty times, it becomes the new normality.

Yes!

Now, this one was slightly more...uh... complicated, in part because she wasn't a total stranger, though at that point close to it.

She had been a back-and-forth teenage crush (stared at each other endlessly on first sight, liked her but couldn't get at her, then all of a sudden after going for other girls she liked me but I didn't take - one of those "natural attraction but no game to make it happen" stories). Pushed her out of my life some 16 years ago to protect the catastrophic oneitis. This past Sunday was basically the first time we saw each other in nearly half her life!

When eventually I recovered my mind 8 years ago, I looked her up to find a lesbian living with a white girl (oh, the irony!) who she's still with. A friend who was better with girls looked at our correspondence and just told me flatly she's bisexual. There were several meet-up plans which fell through on both sides. Keenly aware of the friend-zone danger, I kept her at great distance save the first little bit.

She reached out this past Christmas out of the blue after 2 years of silence and I decided to jump. Made plans that several times fell through, and then on Saturday I used a good dose of "manly resolve" and found myself shocked to be in her presence the very next day, in spite of a small child and being a half-hour away! And she wasn't boyishly done up like she was in the last pics I'd seen from a few years back. Now it's girly tights and perfume.

We meet, hug, trade compliments, I use your idea to tell her to sit beside me and she complies. Try to deep dive her but she's making it hard by doing the same to me. She also asks about friends she used to know, are they married, etc. Asks me if I have a girl and I use your "one for each weekday" line, hahaha! She uses my creative works to invite herself over. (I baited her a bit here - I'd been intentionally vague to the point she said so.)

Accidentally found a perfect little ploy that got her to ask if she could come in my bedroom. What little I did do physically, including touching her hair (4" twists), was not resisted at all. The feather that stopped me was verbal: I tugged this thin little windbreaker type thing she was wearing, querying, "Aren't you hot in this?" (I've since realized that telling is better than asking!) "Nah, I'm cold. I'm always cold." (I can think of ways of fixing that!)

Had she actually been a total stranger, it may have been less of a mind fuck. I was torn between seeing her as a girl who wants to get fucked, and seeing her as an old friend who actually wants to see my productions which I had used to lure her to my bedroom (doubles as office) and who is not attracted to males and is faithful to her partner of 14 years. It didn't help that she was actually pretty interested in what she had come to see, and was inundating me with questions about it. Of course, after she left, I was furious with myself for not just assuming in my favour! Really, I had nothing to lose by trying. My mind was greatly exaggerating the fear of offending her.

She's given me remarkable latitude in past, and she had to leave due to obligations, so there's some small chance I could get her back. But I know how big of a fuck up not taking her straight away was. If she does return I will have to be 100% certain with myself what it's about.

Before leaving, she made repeated suggestions of coming back, and mentioned bringing alcohol. I expressed concern that when she goes back to work she won't have time any more, but she assured me she will. I'm not typically big on alcohol, but post-disaster decided to embrace her suggestion; we talked about it a bit, which was well received. I suggested some days I was free but she just said she'd be in touch (but there was some ambiguity because we had just been joking about snobbery so that could've been part of the joke). I decided to take a page from your book and retract the day suggestions. Neither of us have written since then (Tue).

The having to get back to me is tough because scheduling I think is genuinely tricky for her so it's hard to differentiate between that and games. I also don't know if her partner looks at her phone or not or if they have an open relationship. (What I do know, is that cheating is just as common in lesbians, and sometimes they do fuck guys.) I am of course painfully reminded that all of these variables were easily resolvable on Sunday.

Oh, and when this girl was 16 or 17 she enlisted the help of a tomboy to rip off my clothes. In a moment of sheer madness, I warded them off for Dulcinea, at which point they left, and left behind an angry little note, LMAO!!

I wish I knew where exactly she had seen this going on Saturday, but I suppose the only way I'll really know is to beat the odds by getting her back here and taking her! If it succeeds, it's obvious. If it fails, nobody really knows.

I need to rid my mind of the useless idea that if I try to have sex with her and she doesn't want to, she'll hate me for having tried. My brain got polluted by society's picture of men as horrible monsters that try to extract sex out of mostly uninterested women. I should be as comfortable inviting her to sex as I would be inviting her to play cards. Either she wants to or not, which she'll communicate. It's a struggle to remove all of that mental pollution.

Anyway, I learned a bunch about my particular logistics of getting a girl over. Some things went well and others were wild traps that it took getting trapped in to see. So even if I don't see her back, it was good practice.

Was at the mall briefly yesterday to get my mind off it all, and because I know chances are better on fresh girls! Talked to a couple girls.. neither of them bit, but one deserves a FR. As does another from last week who did bite but I can't figure out if I missed a strange window. I'm not as shy, nervous and in my head doing random approaches as I was a couple months ago.

Phoenix