Sex Dynamics On the "8 Tradeoffs" Article - #3

[TheEcho]

Hey all!

Based on: https://www.girlschase.com/article/8-tradeoffs-girls-men-must-choose-between-ltrs

Curious about the dynamics around #3. I'll give an estimated breakdown of my ex based on the numbers to better illuminate her (1-10, with 1 being the first trait, 10 being the second)

Spoiler: Traits

1. 7 - High Beauty vs. Low Maintenance
2. 6 - Great Appearance vs. Low Jealousy
3. 3/8 - Ample Passion vs. Low Drama
4. 7 - Vivacious Spirit vs. Submissive Devotion
5. 8 - Self-Starter vs. Follows Your Lead
6. well... it was 2, now 6 - Fertility vs. Experience/Refinement
7. 1 - Malleability vs. Pre-Training
8. 7 - Independence vs. Need

She was pretty low drama the entire relationship other than the constant issue of me not having a career yet. She increasingly dressed better and I got her to become a gym junkie which has continued after the relationship. I pretty much showed the world to her, she had almost 0 experiences before me (romantic and otherwise). She was a bit needy, was quite submissive, and liked me leading everything.

For the question... being low drama, sex happened A LOT. In 5 years of her living at home and coming over 3-5x/week, there's a tiny handful of times she didn't want to do it. There were more visits we did it 3+ times than visits we didn't do it.
On my Europe trip, tons of other dudes were coming out of relationships as well, but they all reported high rates of sexlessness towards the end.

So I wonder, did I strike gold to an extant? Did I break the usual dynamic? Is being a great lover a "cure" for otherwise low sex-drive girls?
Would be great to hear from other guys who also tend toward being great lovers.

Thanks all!

 

[Will_V]

I think the passion might be referring to the type of sex - as in wild, full of energy, try-new-things type of sex - rather than the frequency or availability. Submissive girls can be very sexual too but it typically will be more intimate and slow.

The tradeoff seems to hold true for my ex, it took a lot of maneuvering to keep the drama from getting out of hand (and sometimes it got way out) but she was by far the most adventurous girl in and out of bed I've known. Sometimes I wonder why I end up with these girls as I don't like drama but something in me just can't resist the energy. When they are under your spell there's nothing like it.

 

[Wick]

I think the passion might be referring to the type of sex - as in wild, full of energy, try-new-things type of sex - rather than the frequency or availability. Submissive girls can be very sexual too but it typically will be more intimate and slow.

Actually Chase did specify he meant passion and frequency.

Here's a quote from the article from #3:

• "The men with the lowest-drama, most tranquil relationships tend to have sex very infrequently once they pass a certain number of years in their LTRs

• The men with the most passionate, hottest sex relationships tend to have an annoying amount of aggravating drama even after many years in their LTRs

• Then there are the men in the middle, who have an average amount of drama + an average amount of sex"

////

I also dated a girl who was very low drama and there was not a single time where we did not have sex if we were in each other's presence. However she was very submissive and I was very horny, so I guess she was following my lead...

I feel like I need more experience to understand these trade offs more, because I just do not seem to agree with it. In my experience relationships tend to follow these patterns, but cannot be defined so black and white like this. Maybe this article should be treated more as a loose guide.

One of the few times I am skeptical of Chase's advice and that makes me question my doubts. I trust @Chase enough to suspend my doubts and chalk it up to lack of experience compared to his. Perhaps he can chime in and elaborate further.

I am also dating a girl where there is a LOT of drama and we are not having as much sex as I'd like. I'm very good at handling drama so I don't mind that part, but here's another example that doesn't line up with this "trade-off".

I will add that, I think the current lack of sex plus drama is more coming from my girl being very over worked and my inability to make enough money to allow her to take a few days off. Working on both these things.

So perhaps this guide is not taking into account the other factors that contribute to sex frequency and what causes drama.

 

[TheEcho]

I also dated a girl who was very low drama and there was not a single time where we did not have sex if we were in each other's presence. However she was very submissive and I was very horny, so I guess she was following my lead...

Yeah, she would say she wasn't really horny, so makes me think submissiveness overrides a low sex drive. There is also the possibility it overrides her tendency toward drama, so you have a lessening of the drama and an increase in sexual receptivity.

I also am not drawing off a ton of experience, but my first "girlfriend" (3 months) was crazy, but not much wilder in bed than my low-drama ex. Submissive girls seem happy to let you have your way with them. The dramatic girls just seem to get in everyone's way lol, though I also haven't experienced the upside (crazy sex from her).

Toying with the seeming paradox of not liking drama, so leaning more towards comfort pre-sex, but being very physically and psychologically dominant in bed, so much more conqueror during sex. Makes me wonder if my personality is currently not integrated well, assuming the bedroom-me is the real me.

This is including up to the very end of our 5 year relationship. She was increasingly unhappy with things (with cause), but sex stayed plentiful. I never stopped being dominant and adoring of her body, so that probably helped.

 

[Will_V]

• The men with the lowest-drama, most tranquil relationships tend to have sex very infrequently once they pass a certain number of years in their LTRs

Oh ok so frequency is part of it, but we are talking multiple years in. Maybe then she is just following your lead in the beginning, but things might wane once she gets too comfortable.

I've never been in an LTR with a very submissive (soft/sweet) type girl so I can't really say how that ends up.

The length of the relationship is a very big factor and I'm sure all the guys out there in sexless marriages didn't start out that way.

I will add that, I think the current lack of sex plus drama is more coming from my girl being very over worked and my inability to make enough money to allow her to take a few days off. Working on both these things.

So perhaps this guide is not taking into account the other factors that contribute to sex frequency and what causes drama.

Yes that's a thing, I too had some periods of relatively low sex interest when my girl was working, studying and commuting multiple hours - to which was added the drama of her thinking I should be doing more. In that case it became more valuable for her to get my investment in more boyfriendy ways, and part of the drama was me resisting that whole dynamic knowing that while I patched the leak the ship would be heading straight for the rocks anyway which didn't seem worthwhile to me.

It might be that the article is simply talking about innate tendency vs situational - and innate is what will always win out in the long term.