FU One step forward and a lot of steps back

[Pato]

Last night, I had some friends come over. I only thought it was going to be one or two people, but three more wound up showing up, including my date to homecoming (which was last weekend). She didn't have a date and our mutual friend told me I should ask her (and then some of her other friends told me also). She got really drunk and passed out, and I kind of took care of her.

So she was the only girl there out of all 6 of us, and for a good part of the time that everyone was here they were just screwing around messing shit up in my basement. Eventually later that night, I told her I needed to talk to her in private about something. So we went up to my room and sat on my bed. We were talking a little bit about what happened at homecoming and the rest of our weeks. There were some rumors going on about us, and I told her that I didn't start the rumors and wouldn't say anything if we did do anything together, and how what we do is our business.

Eventually I had my arm around her and she was kind of but not completely leaning her head on my shoulder, and I said "Can I ask you something?" to which she replied "mmhmmm". I paused for a second, slowly moved my hand under her chin, brought her face to mine, and kissed her. The kiss was pretty short (around 3 seconds but I lost track of time), and I pulled away first. It's possible that she was about to start pushing me back, but I don't know and it kind of felt like she kissed me back just a little. This is the (roughly, not exactly) part of the following conversation that ensued:

Me: (looking her straight in the eyes) Your lips are really soft.
Her: (smiling) Thank you. But I can't.
Me: (confused and looking at her) What?
Her: I don't like you like that.
Me: (still confused but looking her in the eyes) Really?
Her: Yeah, I mean you're a really nice guy but... (don't remember exactly what she said, but basically that she didn't see me like that)

So we talked a little bit more (maybe 30 seconds to a minute) and we went downstairs. By that time everyone was about to leave, so everyone left. Now I have a few questions.

Firstly, why did she even come over in the first place? I didn't invite her, she came with one of my friends (who already has a gf) and it was out of the blue. Is it that I waited too long to do something and she lost interest? We were only at my house for around 2 hours before I took the girl up to my room, so I'm not sure if that's it. Maybe she really thought we were just friends and didn't expect anything from me. Secondly, did I screw up the interaction in my room? We didn't talk for too long before I made my move, so I'm not sure what really happened there. Maybe my reaction to her rejection/resistance was off? Maybe I should have said, "Well I don't think you'd be smiling if you didn't like it" or something like that? I'm really lost here.

Thirdly and the major question, where do I go from here? I'm already forgetting about the girl (but not the interaction and I'm still really upset/pissed that was how it happened), but I did like her. She's in my new social circle and I don't really want things to get awkward between us. Is there anything I could do to help or fix the situation? Do I pull her aside and talk to her in person, send her a text, gradually stop talking to her? If she's in my social circle it could maybe create some problems for me.

I'm also really pissed about being called a "nice guy" because I've really tried to avoid being that. Another thing, that was my first "real" kiss and the first time I had the balls to do something with a girl, so I'm embarrassed and upset about what happened. I guess I'm becoming more confident and taking more risks/making more moves, but the rejection feels pretty painful and I feel like instead of making progress I'm moving backwards.

Sorry for the long post, and any criticism, advice, or feedback would be so helpful. Thanks a ton,
Pato

 

[Pato]

Just realized this is probably not the right category for this topic. If it should be moved somewhere else, can someone do that for me? Thanks.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Pato,

I think what's important to remember is that you pushed yourself out of a limiting comfort zone, and just opened yourself to new potential. I don't think this is an FU, more just you realizing the work it takes to becoming truly attractive and a real "Casanova". Part of this is to increase your sexual value, learn how to overcome LMR, and also to avoid coming across as a "nice guy". You obtained this "nice guy" label because you were giving a lot of compliance to her and her friends (asking her out after they told you to and taking care of her by yourself after she was drunk are two big ones I'm seeing).

This next mantra is important for all facets of seduction, but particularly for LMR: "Listen to actions, not words". She accepted the kiss and was smiling after. As far as you and I concerned, what she gave you was token resistance. And if you're in her social group...she's going to give you a lot that stuff. So instead, this scenario would've suited better like this:

You: (looking her straight in the eyes) Your lips are really soft.
Her: (smiling) Thank you. But I can't.
You: (says nothing, starts kissing her neck and feeling up her body)
Her: Look, it's not supposed to be like that between us! (is not doing anything to stop you)
You: (says nothing, kisses lips, still feeling around body)

and the game follows that you until you escalate to sex. It needs to seem you are busting with sexuality when escalating. And of course, if she says "Stop!" or pushes you away physically, you stop. But before that point, you keep escalating.

Hope that helps, my friend.
~Nick

 

[Pato]

Thanks a lot for the advice, Nick.

Yeah, after I posted and thought about it for awhile, I kept thinking that I should've persisted and tried to break through the resistance. After thinking about it for awhile, in a way I'm almost (not quite though) happy that it happened as it has made me realize a lot about myself and that I need to improve myself in some big areas. I'm still a bit frustrated, but I'm feeling much better already and I know I can really learn from this experience and make new strides in my game. Yeah I lost the girl, but the lessons to be learned might be of greater importance.

Considering the girl, what do you think I should do next? Should I just forget about her? I know for sure that I don't want to be "a friend" to her, because honestly, she wouldn't make a very good friend. I'm not saying I don't like her, but I just feel like she wouldn't give me nearly as much value as I gave her. Do you think there's any way to salvage the situation? If not, I'd probably want to drop her somewhat slowly. So whenever I see her around or anything I won't ignore her and be rude, but I'm not going to pay her too much attention. I'm not expecting anything else from the situation, but do you have any advice on how to handle this?

Thanks again.