Expectations One way monogamy help and discussion

[DeepShadow]

I would like to ask you something about this and have a discussion with those who have experience with it.

1) I am in this type of relationship with 4 girls, let's say that only 1 for me is in the foreground (queen) the others I can see it as one or more levels below. They all accepted this with difficulty without wanting to know if I go with others except, and 2 of them know each other, let's all say they only know that if I have the opportunity to go I go with others. But practically all of them (2 directly told me, the other 2 implied which are the 2 I know and that I have sometimes seen together) want to be the only important one for me and that the others are just fucked without emotion. And here comes the problem. I don't feel like lying and I would like to tell him and make him accept that I can have more "queens" in addition to the side ones at a lower level. Except that thinking about it I find that the rhetoric about this is too weak because as long as you think about the fact that the woman can only have one man because she can only bond with one person and the man can bond with one person and fuck others without emotion, he loses logic and truth if you have multiple queens. it is there as long as it is in the first way I respect them keeping the feeling only for them but if I do it with more then they would feel authorized to go and bond with others too even if it would probably hurt them later.
How would you communicate it and what experience do you have about it?

2) I read this @Chase article https://www.girlschase.com/article/it-just-happened-subconscious-flirtation-and-hookups and I was thinking about something. In these one-way monogamy with the girls at the beginning of dating or with even those who will never become the "queen" do you engage in this discourse about not making things happen or do you find it too pretentious at the beginning? to me honestly even when it happens that I see her after some annoying fuck that she can do something like that, but I generally wait for the first month to talk about certain speeches and put more limits on the girl. How do you behave about these dynamics in the early stages?

3) In general, what limits do you set with the girls and in what way and with what timing? do you have some sort of ladder like after the third fuck or is it tied i say x after 1 month i say y after 3 months i say z etc?

I would like to have a discussion about this because I feel that there are some things that I probably miss when it comes to going beyond fucking especially in more particular and fragile situations like these.

 

[Regal Tiger]

I would like to ask you something about this and have a discussion with those who have experience with it.

1) I am in this type of relationship with 4 girls, let's say that only 1 for me is in the foreground (queen) the others I can see it as one or more levels below. They all accepted this with difficulty without wanting to know if I go with others except, and 2 of them know each other, let's all say they only know that if I have the opportunity to go I go with others. But practically all of them (2 directly told me, the other 2 implied which are the 2 I know and that I have sometimes seen together) want to be the only important one for me and that the others are just fucked without emotion.

Tough for them, there can only be 1 queen.

And here comes the problem. I don't feel like lying and I would like to tell him and make him accept that I can have more "queens"

You can't. If you want something open that's not queen theory (although a lot of the same concepts apply while with women). If you want a queen but continue to date other women that's cheating (unless you explicitly have something open)

In addition, you don't lie. There's no reason to. You have your serious chats with women when needed and those who accept it will be there and the ones that can't, won't (more on this in a second).

in addition to the side ones at a lower level. Except that thinking about it I find that the rhetoric about this is too weak because as long as you think about the fact that the woman can only have one man because she can only bond with one person and the man can bond with one person and fuck others without emotion, he loses logic and truth if you have multiple queens.

That's because you don't take on multiple queens. Again, you can have an open relationship if you want one, but that's not queen theory.

it is there as long as it is in the first way I respect them keeping the feeling only for them but if I do it with more then they would feel authorized to go and bond with others too even if it would probably hurt them later.
How would you communicate it and what experience do you have about it?

Here's my little way of doing things:
1) first 2-3 months, I have everyone be casual and keep an eye out for anyone that I may want to escalate with. I slowly and easily escalate the ones that I think have potential with a date here and a date there

2) after the 2-3 months she will no longer be happy with the sarcastic responses to the question 'what are we' or 'how many other girls are you seeing' or etc. Time for the talk about what I want

3) Give the talk. The women I've had these talks with were perfectly happy there, though some may need time to think about it.

4) After a little while, or perhaps even there, she'll want to establish some ground rules (personally I have my own rules now that I share with the women after they've accepted it so that they know up front what they can expect from me and what I expect from them).

5) Never violate any of the rules, otherwise it's cheating

2) I read this @Chase article https://www.girlschase.com/article/it-just-happened-subconscious-flirtation-and-hookups and I was thinking about something. In these one-way monogamy with the girls at the beginning of dating or with even those who will never become the "queen" do you engage in this discourse about not making things happen or do you find it too pretentious at the beginning? to me honestly even when it happens that I see her after some annoying fuck that she can do something like that, but I generally wait for the first month to talk about certain speeches and put more limits on the girl. How do you behave about these dynamics in the early stages?

Ignore sappy romantic holidays for the wallet draining facades they are.

Also, I straight up tell women beforehand that I do not celebrate valentines day. It's bullshit.

If we've been dating like a month or less and I feel like there's potential for more from a girl, then I'll tell her that we can do something for holiday outside of the holiday itself. For Xmas I tell her that I'm going to give her a great massage.

For fuckbuddies they should already know their fuckbuddies. I've literally never had any get upset about a holiday. I make it clear through my actions what we're all about and women don't get mad (at least, in my experience so far)

3) In general, what limits do you set with the girls and in what way and with what timing? do you have some sort of ladder like after the third fuck or is it tied i say x after 1 month i say y after 3 months i say z etc?

You mean for the relationship talk? 2-3 months

As far as actual relationship boundaries I place on myself?
1) I'll never fuck anyone that she knows (outside of special circumstances which she will know about beforehand)
2) Anyone else that I fuck will be for pure pleasure and nothing else. I'll never take them out on dates with the exception of the first one
3) You're my number 1 and most important. I care about you more than any of the others

There are other aspects of the talk that I give, but those are my main rules

I would like to have a discussion about this because I feel that there are some things that I probably miss when it comes to going beyond fucking especially in more particular and fragile situations like these.

In regards to your number 1 or in regards to having an open relationship? Correct me if I'm wrong here, but it sounds like you want an open relationship or even some type of polygamy? Which goes a bit beyond what I do and am experienced with (outside of nearly full-on open relationships which I'm not into anymore)

 

[DeepShadow]

Here's my little way of doing things:
1) first 2-3 months, I have everyone be casual and keep an eye out for anyone that I may want to escalate with. I slowly and easily escalate the ones that I think have potential with a date here and a date there

2) after the 2-3 months she will no longer be happy with the sarcastic responses to the question 'what are we' or 'how many other girls are you seeing' or etc. Time for the talk about what I want

3) Give the talk. The women I've had these talks with were perfectly happy there, though some may need time to think about it.

4) After a little while, or perhaps even there, she'll want to establish some ground rules (personally I have my own rules now that I share with the women after they've accepted it so that they know up front what they can expect from me and what I expect from them).

5) Never violate any of the rules, otherwise it's cheating

So in the first 2 3 months you let them do what they want? don't you mind that they go with others?

You mean for the relationship talk? 2-3 months

As far as actual relationship boundaries I place on myself?
1) I'll never fuck anyone that she knows (outside of special circumstances which she will know about beforehand)
2) Anyone else that I fuck will be for pure pleasure and nothing else. I'll never take them out on dates with the exception of the first one
3) You're my number 1 and most important. I care about you more than any of the others

There are other aspects of the talk that I give, but those are my main rules


In regards to your number 1 or in regards to having an open relationship? Correct me if I'm wrong here, but it sounds like you want an open relationship or even some type of polygamy? Which goes a bit beyond what I do and am experienced with (outside of nearly full-on open relationships which I'm not into anymore)

Not necessarily relationship if you mean something serious and monogamous, I mean if you still want to see a girl for an extended time.
However by queen I don't mean the various theories it was just a reference to make it clear that she is the most important, a sort of hierarchy. One way monogamy means that I can see other girls while she can't go out with others.

 

[Regal Tiger]

So in the first 2 3 months you let them do what they want? don't you mind that they go with others?

Sure, I'd rather she not see anyone else. And if she does then that kind of downgrades her in my eyes

But if you're not yet serious in any way then what are you going to do about it?

As men it's our jobs to hang out, hook up and have fun. Relationship stuff is her job to win us over. Don't give this reward away for free

You're free to make comments about it early on though, about how you see the world and most of the time, if she likes you, will adhere to your frame

Not necessarily relationship if you mean something serious and monogamous,

I just mean serious

I mean if you still want to see a girl for an extended time.
However by queen I don't mean the various theories it was just a reference to make it clear that she is the most important, a sort of hierarchy. One way monogamy means that I can see other girls while she can't go out with
others.

Right, in which case what does she get that other women won't? Gotta make that clear

 

[trashKENNUT]

Tough for them, there can only be 1 queen

Yea...

Somebody has to play Wife Number 4, and if they are willing to. Leverage.

z@c+

 

[TomInHo]

I would like to ask you something about this and have a discussion with those who have experience with it.

1) I am in this type of relationship with 4 girls, let's say that only 1 for me is in the foreground (queen) the others I can see it as one or more levels below. They all accepted this with difficulty without wanting to know if I go with others except, and 2 of them know each other, let's all say they only know that if I have the opportunity to go I go with others. But practically all of them (2 directly told me, the other 2 implied which are the 2 I know and that I have sometimes seen together) want to be the only important one for me and that the others are just fucked without emotion.

No need to explain all this....

All you need to do is set a strong frame that you will never be monogamous. Then treat your women well. Let her think she's the queen if she wants.

Because think about it. When you have a best friend, do you constantly remind him that he is your bestie?... Probably not, instead you show him

Actions > Words

2) I read this @Chase article https://www.girlschase.com/article/it-just-happened-subconscious-flirtation-and-hookups and I was thinking about something. In these one-way monogamy with the girls at the beginning of dating or with even those who will never become the "queen" do you engage in this discourse about not making things happen or do you find it too pretentious at the beginning? to me honestly even when it happens that I see her after some annoying fuck that she can do something like that, but I generally wait for the first month to talk about certain speeches and put more limits on the girl. How do you behave about these dynamics in the early stages?

IMO opinion putting limits on a girl within 1-3 months is a little extreme. Because you honestly don't know her yet, and your judgment is being clouded by being in the honey moon period

Just have fun, and watch her actions and after months, years you can decide if you are both compatible with each other for something more serious.

Because you may not realize it, but when you take on a girl as a girlfriend that's a big responsibility, because it's like adopting a child. It's not just about sex anymore but building a team, where you are the leader and in charge of the emotional health and growth of it

3) In general, what limits do you set with the girls and in what way and with what timing? do you have some sort of ladder like after the third fuck or is it tied i say x after 1 month i say y after 3 months i say z etc?

I would like to have a discussion about this because I feel that there are some things that I probably miss when it comes to going beyond fucking especially in more particular and fragile situations like these.

I don't think about any of this really. One thing you must understand about women is that they always want MORE....

And if you start the relationship by setting too many boundaries, having too many experiences (dates, trips, restaurants, special activities) it becomes too difficult to keep things fun and exciting in the long term

Therefore it is smart to start all your relationships by giving girls the bare minimum (Good sex & conversation). Which gives you room for growth, and plays into the fantasy that a lot of women have... The desire to win a man over

Plus, it also gives you time to observe your girls and see which ones invest in you the most and win the title of QUEEN.

TLDR: Stop worrying about trying to control these women, instead let them work hard to earn your leadership

 

[DeepShadow]

No need to explain all this....

All you need to do is set a strong frame that you will never be monogamous. Then treat your women well. Let her think she's the queen if she wants.

Because think about it. When you have a best friend, do you constantly remind him that he is your bestie?... Probably not, instead you show him

Actions > Words


IMO opinion putting limits on a girl within 1-3 months is a little extreme. Because you honestly don't know her yet, and your judgment is being clouded by being in the honey moon period

Just have fun, and watch her actions and after months, years you can decide if you are both compatible with each other for something more serious.

Because you may not realize it, but when you take on a girl as a girlfriend that's a big responsibility, because it's like adopting a child. It's not just about sex anymore but building a team, where you are the leader and in charge of the emotional health and growth of it



I don't think about any of this really. One thing you must understand about women is that they always want MORE....

And if you start the relationship by setting too many boundaries, having too many experiences (dates, trips, restaurants, special activities) it becomes too difficult to keep things fun and exciting in the long term

Therefore it is smart to start all your relationships by giving girls the bare minimum (Good sex & conversation). Which gives you room for growth, and plays into the fantasy that a lot of women have... The desire to win a man over

Plus, it also gives you time to observe your girls and see which ones invest in you the most and win the title of QUEEN.

TLDR: Stop worrying about trying to control these women, instead let them work hard to earn your leadership

man my talk is not because I want him to be one of my girls right away but because I don't like that if I have sex with a girl she can do it or potentially do it. Me the first months is as you say only sex if not something very informal if I see what it takes to not make her feel just a fuck. The limits are for her