Online dating conversations

[RyRy]

So I've decided to try out the online dating world I'm not getting very far in the real world,
I already have one problem, I don't know how to start conversation with them, I want to sound interesting, and have them want to talk, but how do I 'break the ice' to say and make conversation from there ?

 

[Light]

Here:

https://boards.girlschase.com/viewforum.php?f=25

 

[Estate]

So I've decided to try out the online dating world I'm not getting very far in the real world,
I already have one problem, I don't know how to start conversation with them, I want to sound interesting, and have them want to talk, but how do I 'break the ice' to say and make conversation from there ?

Online dating is very hit and miss. Guys sometimes seem to want a magic opening email that works... there just isn't one.
From female friends I know a lot of guys send very douchey messages or else they try to be overly funny and come across terribly lame.

Personally I had a lot of success by just being genuine. Tell her something like genuine, kinda like a direct street opener but without being overly forward with "Hey babe, you're so hot", that is a turnoff.
Keep it to maybe 4-5 sentences.

Having said that... the online dating pool is very thin. It's VERY hard to meet girls without problems or of any quality. I've written here lately I've just given up on it, it's a crutch.
If you're having trouble in the real world, this isn't really going to help you... but if your trouble right now is opening girls then learning to do it for real with get you MUCH further than going down the online route, just my take on it.

 

[Thedoctor]

I agree with Estate on this one in that it takes a lot of effort for low results. But that might just be my own experience with it. First thing's first, make sure your pictures look sharp! I changed mine up to more flattering "sexier" photos after reading advice on this site. I can say I definitely noticed a spike in responses. Here are a few ideas I've used that usually got replies:

-Anything pertaining to food, especially if she writes she likes to cook in her profile - ask her what her best dish is to prepare/eat
-Ask how she has found her online dating experience thus far / what brought her to online dating site
-If she says she likes to travel or has lots of pics of exotic locations, ask her her where her favourite trip was or the one place that's on her bucket list

If you take two mins to skim her profile, there's usually lots of things you can find to talk to her about. FYI, don't send her a picture of your dick. For some unbeknownst reason, they don't reply to that.

-Doc

 

[RyRy]

Cheers for the info guys, I have taken some things into account, I've put up new photos hopefully it will do,
I do say I need some pointers on starting the convo, sounding interesting,
What's some that you use,

Yeah nah no dick photos, tried it once didn't work to well haha.

 

[Richard]

My advice from my current experience, there is no perfect formula in writing an opening message. But, I've played around with alot of ideas, and one of the one's that works best is what Chase has said, something random pertaining to something she is interested in. I was having a few problems with this myself, and with girls I haven't been interested in, just experimenting techniques on, things like "Hey, I heard that girls who like sushi and Hello Kitty are the greatest soccer players! (insert question pertaining to her here)" and I've seen some good results back . Like we've all been told, there is no perfect way to craft an opening message, it is very hit and miss, but with some time, and some playing around with different message types, you may see some results.
- Good Luck,
Richard

 

[NarrowJ]

I think online dating basically sucks and is a waste of time, when you could be out approaching girls in person and making a connection and an actual personal impression on them. Anyhoo, I played around with a ton of different opening messages. I would pick out something out of their profile and comment on it, and that was at least better than just trying to start out a conversation with "hey there" or "hi, how are you?". However, after a ton of trial and error I found that my most effective opening message BY FAR was this (below):

Hey [name], very nice pics. I can tell you and I would hit it off VERY well...



So how's this online dating thing been going for you, missy?

-J

Let me break down why I think this was so effective for me:

1. "Hey [name],"
A simple greeting. If her name is in her profile, use it. It will make the message seem more personal. Same as texting. If not, you can just say Hey there,

2. "Very nice pics."
A simple compliment. You're direct, but its not overzealous like "zomg you have theeee most beautiful eyes!!" Always be direct online, it will seem a little "off" if you're not clear about your intent, because hey it's a dating site right?

3. "I'm thinking you and I would hit it off VERY well..."
Showing some confidence here. Gets her wondering about the two of you. The ellipsis at the end is important, as it implies there is more to your thought.

4. ";"
Winky face. I played with using it and not using it. Couldn't tell if it made much of a difference, but I think a wink has a sexy feel to it. So I'm ok if I get a few less responses, but keep the sexy vibe in the messages I'm sending.

5. "So how''s this online dating thing been going for you, missy?"
This just gives her a hook. Something to respond to. You don't have to talk about this, it just gets her to reply to your message. And you can ask her pretty much anything. I just picked a very general question that you could ask any girl online.

6. "-J"
Don't tell her your name, sign with just an initial or not at all. I like the signature, though. Adds a bit of class, I think. Remember you're a mysterious guy. Make her ask.


I've gotten all kinds of different responses to this, but some of the best ones are like "Hmmm how come you think we'd hit it off so well?" because then the whole interaction is about you guys getting together and makes asking her out so much easier. Plus, this is a very generic message. You can copy/paste this and message 100 girls in like 15 minutes.


Best of luck, but I really have to recommend you get your butt out there and meet girls in person!

-NJ

 

[Nova]

I acutally did a little experient recently, I created a profile on POF using some hot gals pics etc etc, and man you should see the ammount of messages a girl like that gets. My inbox was literally at 55 in what 40 mins. Really shows you how much hard work it can be for a hot girl online, and how easy it is for her to miss you out amoung the hundreds of other messages she is getting.

The other interesting thing was the ammount of messages I got saying: 'wow your beautiful, would you like to chat' or something to that effect, im serious it was ridiculous and must get so boring for the girl, which shows you how important it is to switch it up and start with something unique.

Somestimes I got a message from some dude trying to be different but it came accross as very try hard and they were usually VERY long messages, they just looked like the dude did a copy/paste job.

I think your opening message must be short, but different. Honestly Chase's 'hows this dating thing treating you, miss' is pretty effective.

 

[RyRy]

Cheers guys,

Very helpful info from everyone, Just a quick question and this may sound stupid but what would you respond to the girl asking how I think we'd hit it off, I can't do quick and whitty thinking ?

I'm pretty terrible at the dating game be it online or in person, I try to remember all the info I get from the site and put it into real life but I never remember what to say or just mess up, it's like the amount of useful info I get on here I almost need to bring a note pad with me,

I did try the 10 day challenge thing to get out there, did pretty good until I had to go up to a girl and say hi, I could do it fine but almost every girl I said it to just looked at me like I murdered their family in their sleep and walked off, so I gave up.

Here's one of the lines I was told by a mate to use, but never got any replies unfortunately, Hey I'm Ryan, how are you? I would really like to get to know you as you seem like a really nice person from your about me, He gets a lot of replies but when I tried it not so good.

 

[Richard]

I disagree with maintaining one universal line only, I like originality, and girls appreciate genuine compliments as well. If you say the same thing to every girl you meet, it will sounds rehearsed and girls will also pick up on that vibe and almost immediately shut you out. As for you however, I would try to do the 10 day challenge again, and work past the "Hi," portion, and instead change it to "Hey," for some reason, when I hear hi out of nowhere, it always sounds off, to me, "hi" doesn't really fit into modern society (at least for the 18 to like 25 year olds). Upon your first few times approaching, you will generally get skewed results, some girls will act likes bitches, others will smile or blush, others will keep walking and say nothing, it's all in getting the experience man. Pushing past your initial sticking point will propel you forward and will allow you to familiarize yourself with leaving your comfort zone, which is a huge bonus in this skill, it's a skill you will need in this community.
Good luck RyRy,
Richard

 

[Anonymous]

you can just start with "hello" and you have a higher chance than not trying at all. You have access with an unlimited amount of women, you can just do whatever you want.

 

[buzzidol]

Online dating is definitely a numbers game. At least for men it is. As in real life, the hot women get constantly hit on by other guys. If you put yourself in their shoes it's kind of easy to see why they just hit delete every time they get another email saying something like "hey babe" or "hi gorgeous"... Grabbing someone's attention that you don't know is incredibly hard.

The good thing is women are much more pro-active these days on dating sites. So if you put up a decent enough profile without seeming desperate, THEY may actually come to you! So you won't have to worry about writing a witty opener. I think it's a good idea to check out sites which have a fair mix of men to women too. Most of the ones at the casual end are massively overpopulated with guys. Especially the free ones. Some of these have 20 guys for every 1 woman - so it's an uphill struggle to get girls to reply right from the get go.

If you want better odds I would try places like eharmony or perfectmatch. And possibly the minority sites like religious ones usually have far more women on them and where the odds are more favorable to men. There you stand a better chance of being noticed.

 

[Whizzy]

I disagree with maintaining one universal line only, I like originality, and girls appreciate genuine compliments as well. If you say the same thing to every girl you meet, it will sounds rehearsed and girls will also pick up on that vibe and almost immediately shut you out. As for you however, I would try to do the 10 day challenge again, and work past the "Hi," portion, and instead change it to "Hey," for some reason, when I hear hi out of nowhere, it always sounds off, to me, "hi" doesn't really fit into modern society (at least for the 18 to like 25 year olds). Upon your first few times approaching, you will generally get skewed results, some girls will act likes bitches, others will smile or blush, others will keep walking and say nothing, it's all in getting the experience man. Pushing past your initial sticking point will propel you forward and will allow you to familiarize yourself with leaving your comfort zone, which is a huge bonus in this skill, it's a skill you will need in this community.
Good luck RyRy,
Richard

I have to agree with Richard here. I've tried the online dating thing a while back and saying the same exact lines (essentially copy and pasting) gets old fast. Change up the messages and have a little fun with them. I have noticed that emote-icons do help as they convey just a touch of warmth, but just don't overuse them or they will lose their touch in a conversation fast. Same as with texting