Online Dating is a waste of time

[Estate]

Hey guys...

So here's some more fodder to spark some debate on here. I posted a few weeks back that I shut down all online dating activity. I always kept my profile up and dabbled. It was like a safety net.
I want to talk about my experiences and why I had to finally just shut it down, why it is a waste of time and why it is even damaging IMO.

Years ago I met a wonderful girl online. Probably the love of my life. We dated for 2 years and sadly parted ways. She was the first girl I even went on a date with when I arrived in America.... hey that was easy right! Wrong! I got lucky.
After that relationship ended I went back online assuming it would be just as easy. Just go online, message a few girls and BAM, I'd have another girlfriend. WRONG!

After 5 painful months of trying I scored a date with a gorgeous blonde. "Finally", I thought! We dated for about 5 months. In the end she totally destroyed me. She had serious issues with men, she used me, cheated on me, treated me like dirt and after it ended she just tore me apart where my confidence was sub zero...

So back online I went... This time I said "to hell with it", get experience in dating. I upped my game and was getting numbers after numbers. I could literally set a date up for every day in the week. I had tuned my online game to a charm. This was EASY! Right? But I quickly learned... I met many girls just like that blonde... only this time I could spot the red flags and get out when I would have plowed through before (I can change her right? I'm not like those other guys! Wrong... girls with issues, have issues, you won't change her).

I met so many girls that would insist we go on fancy dates to expensive restaurants and then never hear from them again. I quickly learned to filter these girls out. If a girl is angling for expensive or fancy dates, you know she is a serial online-dater who just wants guys to buy her fancy meals then split. In fact I began to be a complete dick in this regard. I actually went on a date with a girl because she looked like a stunning blonde in her pics. In real life she was "ok". We had planned to meet for drinks but when we got to the bar she was "hungry". Sure, lets get some apps. I could have eaten too... so she began to work her way through the most expensive items on the menu. I finished my drink, told her I was all set, paid my tab and got out of there. I didn't feel good about it but I didn't even have the desire left to plow through it and see if I could get a lay... I knew what she wanted from the night.

I dated 2 girls who, little did I know, had FIANCES! Yes, fiances... I found out after a month or so but again, what a way to feel used and like trash.
I had multiple Same Night Lays from online dating but you guessed it... the next day there was always some catch... a boyfriend, another fiance... etc, etc... sure, it's easy sex but after a while, when you can SEE their game unfold on the date, you just don't value them anymore.
Girls will flake like there is no tomorrow... there is no etiquette... you can feel like you are getting along like a house on fire and she'll just stop messaging... you can be having some fun, sexy banter over text, set dates and they flake on the day... You can even meet them and have what seemed like fantastic dates, they will even tell you so and ask when you can meet again, but when you call or text again... no reply. It's demoralizing!

Most guys will know what I mean when I say girls don't reply to them. Now, while my online game was pretty good and I was getting all these numbers... lets face it... the 10's of online dating get spammed with thousands of messages... they don't reply. The 7/8's then get hundreds... some reply, but many girls you are not even sold on... will not reply.
It creates a false economy. A 10 online is usually a 7 in any reputable bar in any given city... a 7/8 is probably a 5 in another setting. I realized this on one particular date... A girl I thought looked really great and her pictures really stood out among the droves online met up with me for drinks in the city one evening after work. She was indeed cute when we met. We sat down chatting and sipping drinks and next I literally stopped myself in my tracks... I was being a total dick. This girl I would have ranked a 9 online was sitting infront of me but as she spoke, my eyes were drawn to the door as droves and droves of young professional women came into the bar... this girl I was with was a 7 if I'm being nice... just LOOK at the women coming through that door.

Yet despite the fact that in real life these girls are "not all that", they still now have abundance. They can and will reject you online. Crazy isn't it? The whole reason they are online is because in real life they do not have this abundance. Several girls I went out with told me as much. They were online dating because they never get approached or asked out in real life. But for guys, it is so damaging. You see these girls, you message them and they reject you... girls you were SURE would have to be into you. Then you begin to question yourself. "If I can't even get a reply for THIS girl... what chance do I have with those REALLY hot girls out on the streets or at the club? I have no hope!"

But this is where you are wrong. It is all brought on by the false economy which comes from online dating. I have seen girls I wouldn't touch with a barge-pole have "Average 5 star ratings" on OK Cupid. Guys are so desperate to get a reply from ANYONE that they begin to see these girls as 5 star material, girls who are FAR from it.

"But if I can't even get THOSE girls online, what hope do I have?"
Well the answer is surprising. It's not the same in real life. Firstly, a girl values a guy she meets in real life more. She is impressed by his confidence and attitude to successfully chat her up and now she has met a great guy without ever having to have that awkward pause when friends ask "So how did you two meet?".
While it's true that hot girls get approached a lot in real life... they still won't have anywhere near the abundance they have online. Sure, they'll turn down some creepers or guys with zero game. But do they really have to abundance to just walk away from a guy who confidently, politely and sexily(?) begins to talk to her at the bar? No way!
You soon begin to realize that the 8/9/10's you couldn't even imagine replying to you online are now EXTREMELY into you when you are right there in the flesh. But only if you believe it! The problem comes when you are too shy and down on yourself from your online experience to even approach her anymore!

Here is when it all hit home for me:
That girl I met after work for drinks some months ago... the one I was being distracted with my other girls in the bar. We went out again the following week. Infact SHE asked me in a text literally a half hour after we left the bar when we could meet again. She was into me, right? Well that next week I met her again and then after that she flaked. No excuse, nothing. Man, was I pissed. So I got my buddies together the next night, went to one of the fanciest bars in town and took home a stunning Eastern European girl (and I LOOOOOOOOOVE Eastern European girls ).
It just all struck home with me at that point. I was pissed after the first girl flaked on me. I could have been down on myself (I kinda was) because this girl had rejected me without explanation. I could have moped around, refused to go out, gotten depressed and given up altogether. But a day later I was banging an absolute smokeshow Eastern European. How could that even be? How could this girl (6? 7?) reject me while I am right now in my bed pounding this other stunning girl? It made no sense...

The reality is, the latter of the two valued me more. We met in person, I was on my A-Game that night and she couldn't resist. The other girl went back online after our 2nd date and decided she had 3 million other messages which could potentially be better than our dates (probably not in reality). But she had the abundance mentality. While the Eastern European just had to have me, there was no cooler fucker in the bar than me that night and she wasn't going to give that up in the hope that someone better might approach her at the bar later in the night, there WAS NO-ONE better, FACT.

So that was long winded. If you got this far, congradulations and thank you. But for the guys still out there using online dating as a crutch... please... do yourself a favor and go shut down that account now, for good!
Go outside and use all the wonderful things you've learned on this site to meet REAL women and stop letting yourslf be devalued and demoralized by online dating.

 

[PinotNoir]

This is a great post. Thanks for sharing.

I was thinking about trying out online dating this year, but this is making me a little hesitant. If it doesn't work out with this current girl that I'm pursuing, I'll probably try it out. At least, I'll have this in the back of my head. If a girl is hinting at a fancy restaurant or will only go on a date if it's at a fancy restaurant, I'll definitely drop it, and I'll screen more on baggage and/or crazy.

It's funny; I actually feel the same way about clubs where I live. The girl-to-guy ratio is too skewed. I've gotten rejected by girls that I would consider a 5, but then this doesn't happen during the day with girls that I consider 7s. This is part of the reason I only do day game now unless out with friends at night.

That really sucks about the blonde, but it's good that you bounced back and met a smokin' hot Eastern European

At least, now you know with your experience what girls to cut out early from your life.

 

[NarrowJ]

I completely agree that girls don't end up valuing you as much if you meet them online. I've had some first date lays with girls that I met online, that just didn't seem to look at me the same way after as the women I meet in real life.

I also agree that the economy is screwed up on there, but you can be successful if your profile stands out. I found that after I got some very nice pictures of myself and came up with a good, funny profile that women will flock to the men that stand out amongst the other profiles. I was having a hard time getting the 7's and 8's to even reply to me, but then I got some good pictures (a couple professionally done ones, one showing me with no shirt and one showing me doing something cool) and amped up the wittiness of my profile and BAM! I started not only getting replies from 8's and 9's, but I also started getting girls to message me first. I met a beautiful, fit (and rich- daddy's money though) 21 year old Vietnamese girl and had sex with her on 1st date. I met a 27 year old fitness model/personal trainer that I had sex with on 2nd date. Just a couple examples.

So, it's doable. But not worth the time. It's just way more difficult and you don't get the same returns you would as meeting girls out and about. Estate is correct, it's merely a crutch and it will actually make you more apprehensive to go approach a girl in person.


-NJ

 

[trashKENNUT]

In my personal opinion, It depends.

I would like to be well groomed in all areas of seduction. It will take some time because you cater to different things at different times. So what i desire to achieve must always be reminded at the back of my mind.

One aims perfection, Another just wants to be good with women. So it's different sets for different people. But Estate did kick a$$ with this post. Love it.

Zac

 

[Estate]

I'll give the counterpoint that it's not like you CAN'T meet women online.
Infact once you get your online game down it's stupidly easy to get women on there because 99% of guys fill their profiles and messages with the same junk.

Also, it's not like you CAN'T meet a great girl online. My best girlfriend ever, I met online.
It's just that girls like her are the expection. She was a really quality girl who was very career motivated, studied on the side, didn't really do bars and clubs and from a lack of time and lack of being in a social venues very often at night... the amount of times she was asked out was almost zero.
It was just luck that she was stunning as well.

You DO find these girls online. Sometimes they slip under the radar and don't put themselves in the positions in real life to meet guys but genuinely want to meet a boyfriend.

It's just that these are so few and far between and when they do come online, you can bet they won't last too long on there.

The rest? Well, lets face it... it's just like why any GUY goes on there... they DO meet guys but they can't keep a boyfriend. The reasons can be many and varied.


If you are just looking to get laid and don't need the girls to be 10's then by all means, go online, tune your game and it will happen for you.
But as I said... it creates a false economy. You could meet so much better girls in real life while thinking this is the best you can get online. It takes a lot of power out of your hands. If she's down for it, she's down. If she's not she won't reply.
Also, if your online game is not that good yet, the whole experiece is demoralizing.