- Joined
- Jan 4, 2013
- Messages
- 747
When I first read this article a while back, I said to myself, "Thank god someone finally wrote an article countering this. I'm so fucking sick of people telling me this before a date."
And, I still feel that it's terrible "advice" -- since it's really not advice at all.
However, as I have been approaching more in my life, I've kind of come back full circle on this and realized that there are 2 good points from this statement (which you won't understand if someone says "just be yourself" without explaining it).
1. Approach no matter what you look like or feel like. I went out with a couple of buddies (as I often do) to a pizza joint, just to hang out and shoot the shit. Since I didn't think we were going to go out to flirt with women and I had felt lazy that day (it happens), I didn't shave (looked rather rough) and only had a t-shirt on (that fit poorly) and some jeans. After dinner, we decided to hit up a bar. This bar is rather attracting of hipsters, so the women dress to impress and the guys mirror this. You'll see nice button-downs, ties, etc. In my mind, I began to think, "Ah, shit. Look at my clothes." I'm also skinny (a runner's body), so I usually like a long-sleeve to make me feel more secure. But, when we arrived, I realized all of my worries were idiotic. Yes, next time, I should dress nicer, but who cares? If a girl doesn't like me in a t-shirt, then that's her fault. Why should I miss some opportunities with beautiful women just because of what I'm wearing? I approached that night (some girls in really nice dresses) and got some numbers. Sure, I got rejected a few times, but you only need one success. I focused on what I had available to me at the time: my resourcefulness, my wit, and myself. Strong eye contact and walking with confidence and then, "Hey, no one told me that there's a wedding tonight. Any of you have a tie I can borrow?"
Bottom line: Be comfortable and confident in who you are; have self-worth. You don't always need nice clothes too approach (even if everyone else is wearing extremely nice clothes). Be proud of who you are at this present moment, no matter what you look like. You will improve in the future, but at the present, you can't do it within 5 min, so don't worry about it. If a girl doesn't like you for what you're wearing at the time, then she's probably not a good "fish" anyway. Focus on what you do have, instead of what you don't.
2. Don't bend your opinions to align with hers. Most guys (like I used to believe) think that if you disagree with a girl that she'll find you less attractive. Of course, in a perfect world, we'd love to agree on everything and have a deep connection and be in-sync the entire conversation, but it's just not going to happen. We go through measures to prevent this like being non-judgmental, asking more questions than answering, etc., but it still may crop up. In this case, never bend your opinion just to suit her. Be a man, and she'll find this just as sexy (or more) as a guy that actually does agree with her. Her:"What soup do you like?" Guy:"Tomato." Her:"Gross, I love split plea." Guy:"Well, we can't all have perfect taste buds like me
"
Bottom line: Stand up for your values. You're entitled to your opinions. It doesn't mean that you should judge others or go on a tirade, but it also doesn't mean that you should apologize for your opinions. We all have this freedom; don't let someone take it from you. Don't "people please." If she doesn't agree with you and gets all upset, move on. Meet someone else.
EDIT: #2 would also apply to compliance/supplication. If you don't want to do something for her, then don't. If you don't think she looks attractive that day, then don't give her a compliment. You can be honest and still be nice, so be honest.
And, I still feel that it's terrible "advice" -- since it's really not advice at all.
However, as I have been approaching more in my life, I've kind of come back full circle on this and realized that there are 2 good points from this statement (which you won't understand if someone says "just be yourself" without explaining it).
1. Approach no matter what you look like or feel like. I went out with a couple of buddies (as I often do) to a pizza joint, just to hang out and shoot the shit. Since I didn't think we were going to go out to flirt with women and I had felt lazy that day (it happens), I didn't shave (looked rather rough) and only had a t-shirt on (that fit poorly) and some jeans. After dinner, we decided to hit up a bar. This bar is rather attracting of hipsters, so the women dress to impress and the guys mirror this. You'll see nice button-downs, ties, etc. In my mind, I began to think, "Ah, shit. Look at my clothes." I'm also skinny (a runner's body), so I usually like a long-sleeve to make me feel more secure. But, when we arrived, I realized all of my worries were idiotic. Yes, next time, I should dress nicer, but who cares? If a girl doesn't like me in a t-shirt, then that's her fault. Why should I miss some opportunities with beautiful women just because of what I'm wearing? I approached that night (some girls in really nice dresses) and got some numbers. Sure, I got rejected a few times, but you only need one success. I focused on what I had available to me at the time: my resourcefulness, my wit, and myself. Strong eye contact and walking with confidence and then, "Hey, no one told me that there's a wedding tonight. Any of you have a tie I can borrow?"
Bottom line: Be comfortable and confident in who you are; have self-worth. You don't always need nice clothes too approach (even if everyone else is wearing extremely nice clothes). Be proud of who you are at this present moment, no matter what you look like. You will improve in the future, but at the present, you can't do it within 5 min, so don't worry about it. If a girl doesn't like you for what you're wearing at the time, then she's probably not a good "fish" anyway. Focus on what you do have, instead of what you don't.
2. Don't bend your opinions to align with hers. Most guys (like I used to believe) think that if you disagree with a girl that she'll find you less attractive. Of course, in a perfect world, we'd love to agree on everything and have a deep connection and be in-sync the entire conversation, but it's just not going to happen. We go through measures to prevent this like being non-judgmental, asking more questions than answering, etc., but it still may crop up. In this case, never bend your opinion just to suit her. Be a man, and she'll find this just as sexy (or more) as a guy that actually does agree with her. Her:"What soup do you like?" Guy:"Tomato." Her:"Gross, I love split plea." Guy:"Well, we can't all have perfect taste buds like me
"Bottom line: Stand up for your values. You're entitled to your opinions. It doesn't mean that you should judge others or go on a tirade, but it also doesn't mean that you should apologize for your opinions. We all have this freedom; don't let someone take it from you. Don't "people please." If she doesn't agree with you and gets all upset, move on. Meet someone else.
EDIT: #2 would also apply to compliance/supplication. If you don't want to do something for her, then don't. If you don't think she looks attractive that day, then don't give her a compliment. You can be honest and still be nice, so be honest.
