Open Relationship

[Whizzy]

Hi All!

Does anyone here have experience with open relationships? I recently came across a girl that wanted to date me but due to my constant traveling didn't want a full relationship. In my experience those tend to lead to bad places for one member of the party or another but maybe those more experienced than me could say otherwise.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Does anyone here have experience with open relationships? I recently came across a girl that wanted to date me but due to my constant traveling didn't want a full relationship. In my experience those tend to lead to bad places for one member of the party or another but maybe those more experienced than me could say otherwise.

It's either you fall in love or she does. The problem i face was that i could fall for her if i get lazy and if she starts making drama and i give in to her wants.

This is something you should be aware, and probably her too.

Zac

 

[Whizzy]

I am fully aware of that issue, which is the main reason I am against being in an open relationship. I can't think of one that has particularly ended too well

 

[Thedoctor]

Hey Whizzy,

Have you ever had any relationship that ended well? Can't say most of mine have, open relationship or not. Guess you have to ask yourself a few questions about this situation:

1) Is your travelling the issue, or is she just not ready/willing to commit to you?
2) With your lifestyle, can you honestly make a closed relationship work?
3) Do you actually want a closed relationship with this girl, cause if so, don't do the open relationship cause it will end up in you getting jealous.

As far as my opinion on open relationships, so long as you lay down the ground rules and have a mature discussion about it, I don't see how it cannot work as well as other relationship dynamics.

-Doc

 

[trashKENNUT]

I am fully aware of that issue, which is the main reason I am against being in an open relationship. I can't think of one that has particularly ended too well

I think the most important thing i learn is to never end it, because it's never an official one. Don't be emotional about it.

and when you get back to her sometime later, it will be okay. Be generally positive about the whole thing. and set expectations. Expect less also.

Zac

 

[Godsninja]

Does anyone here have experience with open relationships? I recently came across a girl that wanted to date me but due to my constant traveling didn't want a full relationship. In my experience those tend to lead to bad places for one member of the party or another but maybe those more experienced than me could say otherwise.

It's either you fall in love or she does. The problem i face was that i could fall for her if i get lazy and if she starts making drama and i give in to her wants.

This is something you should be aware, and probably her too.

Zac

Hey man, I just googled 'girls chase open relationship' because I want one with a girl but I don't want to be tied down. She wants to date, and I'm cool with that.
I said it has to be an open relationship and shes asking me what kinda cuz that could mean a lot, but I don't have experience with open relationships...at all..

So could you please clarify what in the F*** you mean? I really don't want her or I to get hurt, badly, at least..

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hey man, I just googled 'girls chase open relationship' because I want one with a girl but I don't want to be tied down. She wants to date, and I'm cool with that.
I said it has to be an open relationship and shes asking me what kinda cuz that could mean a lot, but I don't have experience with open relationships...at all..

So could you please clarify what in the F*** you mean? I really don't want her or I to get hurt, badly, at least..

Basically first, we should ask ourselves what is an "open relationship". So what is that?

An open relationship from a wiki (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open_relationship) means that parties want to be together but agree to a form of a non-monogamous relationship. This means that they agree that a romantic or intimate relationship with another person is accepted, permitted, or tolerated

Now the reason i say that if i start to fall in love with her is when i get lazy in talking to other girls. This makes me think she is all that special girl to me and i suddenly get jealous because she sees other men. For the girl, she will start create drama by not attending to my phone calls, acting all angry, denying sex.

I don't believe in having an open relationship with a girl unless she is sexually experienced. Because to be honest, it doesn't work!!!, for most women. and i emphasize "most women" and even if a girl is sexually experienced, one way or another, you guys are going to start being lazy and have a scarcity mentality.

My suggestions to you if you want to start having an open relationship is to see a girl and contact her less than once in a ten days. Do not act all boyfriend and do special things for her, other than treat her dinner after sex or she treats you dinner and you give her sex. It's a vice versa thing. Set expectations with a girl by doing it is more easier than stating outright you want an open relationship.

Zac

 

[Gonzaleth]

Personally I am very interested in how to manage a casual relationship as well and I am feeling that it will be a better fit for me currently.

I am new to this whole pickup thing, and at the back of my head I have this idea that if I ever get into a serious relationship again, I will probably have to drop the whole pickup thing. Then what? Try to pick up the skill again when we break up? It is like a band-aid solution.... and after my last relationship, it just places a spotlight on how piss poor I was at this aspect of my life. I want this skill to be a permanent fixture in my life. Chase talked about not going through with the whole process to prove to yourself that you still have options, but I am not even good to begin with, so it needs to be all practice for me, and having a serious relationship will probably impede my progress.

What do you guys think? Is it playing with fire?

 

[Godsninja]

I see what you're saying ZacAdam.

To Gonzaleth, no, I think I see what you're saying too because I feel similar. I've gotten out so GD much in the past 2 weeks, I remember being like this a freakin decade ago. The problem I face is that every guy is pretty much a douchebag and is trying to topple my self esteem. I'm gonna read up about it soon.

To address your question a little better, IMO.....I like to think about it like this. If you get burned, you've already hit the bottom, and dealt with it. This time is no different, except you know the feeling, your prepared, and your already in the field, so it's not hard to jump from that sinking rock onto another... kind of a weird metaphor but that's how I see it, especially with ZacAdam's 1-10 day rule.

My issue is with this girl I thought was dtf but instead she's fairly reserved. She txt's me that she would have been down to get dirty but she knows she shouldn't and if she was, it would be with someone shes 'dating'. I've been introspecting a bit, and I thought I'd date her in an open relationship, because I frankly don't think I ever wanted to f her and toss her, I'm not really like that. I'm just a super casual guy and never formally dated anyone before! So today we went on a date and it was kinda crappy, we didn't really discuss the terms, and now I'm just rele in-content because it feels like she is only with me because she feels obligated to. Every time we are about to hang out she almost flops, but I get her back on board. It's not all bad, everything good is via txt, but when I talk to her it's like bam, I'm a fucking nun. Now I'm up, thinking, and I want to write her a letter saying either take this fucking bullet vibrator as a symbol for your true interest for me, or get the fuck out. I tried to F her really fast, so she's really on edge. There's way more to is but w.e. you guys probably get it.

 

[Godsninja]

Ok so I'm not going to say that. Here's what I AM going to say. Feel free to critique me, and analyze the crap out of this.
Some may think I'm going off a little bit, but my underlying intent is to get this girl into an open relationship.

"
I'm writing you this because I'm wondering why you are with me right now. I need to make it very clear exactly what I want with you. I already told you what I want in a women: for here to get me, and for her to get wild with me. But you told me the other day that you're confused and that I'm confusing you. You also said that you're trying to be open, and I don't think it's something that you need to try to do. You were open via txt but when it comes to talking to you in person it's difficult. I think openness is something that comes naturally depending on how you feel about someone.

I just have a feeling that your only with me because you feel like you're obligated to for some reason, maybe it's because you don't want to hurt me, or maybe it's something else. I do know that I don't want to be with someone who feels obligated to be with me. I want to be with someone because they enjoy my company, not out of obligation. The whole point of this is to enjoy ourselves in each other's company.

I want to let you know that I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable the other day. I think maybe you don't trust me and think sex is all I want from you. I wouldn't even be close to writing this letter if that were true. The thing is, if you don't trust me enough to believe me, this can't work. At the same time, if you're going to try to use sex to control me, this won't work either.

So here is my point. Think about any attachments that are depleting your emotional reserves. Consider letting them go.

I will talk to you soon, think about what I just said.
"

I'll give her a text in just under 2 weeks. I really wanted to do her while my rents weren't home but I guess us guys who know what we're doing are doing it slow because we know it will always be there.

p.s. i haven't given her the letter yet, so any tips would be greatly considered.

 

[Godsninja]

I didn't give her the letter, I realized it was kind of a dumb idea when i woke up bahaha

Anyways, I think i understand the principle behind the dinner thing, but wouldn't you run the risk of attraction expiring after 10-14 days?

Also, do you think the same concept could be applied to other things? e.g. Being a girls gym partner but wanting sex in return.

 

[trashKENNUT]

I didn't give her the letter, I realized it was kind of a dumb idea when i woke up bahaha

Anyways, I think i understand the principle behind the dinner thing, but wouldn't you run the risk of attraction expiring after 10-14 days?

Also, do you think the same concept could be applied to other things? e.g. Being a girls gym partner but wanting sex in return.

I am abit lost. Do help me understand what is and why you wanted to give her the letter. i see if i can help you.

Zac

 

[Godsninja]

I randomly met her on campus omw to the parking lot. We txtd a bit, and then I met her before the campus concert. There was a bunch of little things she did that made me think she wants me. Too much to write really. Like she bought tickets for the concert, came home to my house with me before cuz I forgot a sweater, and then ends up not coming to the concert with me, so I figured she just WANTED it. After the concert I wanted to get her but she wouldn't come down from her residence building.

She thought I didn't want to talk to her afterwords but I let her know I was ok with it. A couple days later she came back to my place and I made a move on her. She txted me the same night, and at first she said she thinks we shouldn't hang out anymore (cuz i made her uncomfortable lol) but she also later on goes to say that she honestly wanted to do it, but she knows that she shouldn't so she didn't. She said she would if it were a guy she was dating, but not a random guy. Then I told her I would date her but in an open relationship, and we decided to meet the next day to talk it out. When the next day came, she was about to flake but I worked it out. We didn't really end up talking about the open relationship...

So I basically wanted to give her the letter so she would open up a bit and just be more real with me, and take off her mask. She seems a little cold and aloof. I can get her to hangout with me but it just feels like a waste of time almost. At first it seemed like she was really horny, and I made a move, but now I don't know.
I don't know if she's actually interested, or if she just feels obligated to for some reason, or if it's just my good looks that give her reason to come with me. It feels like I'm in some sort of auto-rejection/red zone area because of the move I made on her, so now I want to straighten things out. I thought writing her a letter would help (LOL) but I think the best course is to sit on it till late next week, and see where things go. If things go sour, I'll accept it, but I REALLY just want to bring the devil out of her.

So yea. That's my life story. I'm pretty confident in this new course of action, with no pussy ass letter (the FUCK was I thinking, I wish I had an invisible counterpart that could slap the shit out of me sometimes). Any tips would be appreciated, such as what I should do with her next time I see her (keep in mind I want to fuck her). If I DO see her again and go on a 'date', it would be our second bahahah. Our first was at tim hortons, i had an icecap and she had nothing.

Right now I'm just getting out there and beating my threshold guardian. I'm basically a social butterfly lol, but I got wayy too much school work so I'll have to stop approaching cute girls for the time being and get shit done... WOW...ok so it took me a while to write this all, and it took me a while to restructure it so it made sense. In this time I think maybe DATING this girl, even in an OPEN relationship, might be a mistake, UNLESS the next date goes absolutely fucking perfectly awesome. Right? But if it doesn't go ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY PERFECTLY, I still must get me some. If it goes perfect, I won't need any further tips really, but if it doesn't, is where I'm a little worried. I deleted the text, but even after I made her feel awkward/nervous/uncomfortable, she still told me she wanted to, i.e. fuck, so I know that THAT part of her is in there! I MUST BRING IT OUT >

So now you know everything, and now I feel like a retard for writing so much..

Tips?

p.s. she also knows I got a big penis cuz that's the first thing I said to her after she told me she thinks that we shouldn't hang out anymore, after I made a move.