Partners in other Relationships attracted to each other?

[RDawg]

So I heard a very interesting story the other night and it raises a "question" whether people in relationships are really "more'' attracted to singles or if they are attracted to people in other relationships. For example, you have:

Boyfriend A = Girlfriend A
Boyfriend B = Girlfriend B

All 4 of these partners know each other from social circle and are all friends of mine, yet Boyfriend A and Girlfriend B hooked up secretly without there partners knowing on a night out. Boyfriend A and Girlfriend B both love there partners very much but they are still young and want to have fun. The reason I believe behind this attraction is that they are both in similar situations and they know each of them won't "rat" each other out. So there is a sense of trust between Boyfriend A and Girlfriend B because they believe they won't get caught, since they both don't want to leave there "current" relationships. Anyways, this sounds like a scene out of a movie like American Pie or something but it's pretty crazy to hear something like this, since I am friends with everyone. By the way, Boyfriend A told me this story, and he is my best friend. Boyfriend B is a good buddy as well, but not as close with him as boyfriend A.

Anyways, my view on relationships and cheating has changed with Chase's article that I have read. Boyfriend B had this coming for him, and I have been saying this to people for a while, just based on girlfriend B's personality (party girl). Also, boyfriend B doesn't go out anymore, he would rather stay at home then go out with guys sometimes (cut all his options off). Both of these relationships have been about 3 years long.

Anyways, the point of this post is that I believe people in relationships are attracted to other people in relationships as well, not just attracted to single people. I know there has been studies done on how the person in a relationship is more attracted to the single person but I think there is more factors that are in play here, as mentioned with situation above. Anyways, I hope this generates some discussion and I would like to hear some thoughts about something like this. Maybe this is just a rare scenario but I do think it is very unique.

 

[Chase]

RDawg-

Absolutely; while people in relationships may be more attracted to single people on average, that doesn't mean that people in relationships never hook up with other people in relationships (nor does it mean that single people never date single people... obviously, right?

I could tell you plenty of personal stories of going out on double dates with friends of mine, my girlfriend in tow, and having the other girl touching me or flirting with me whenever her boyfriend and my girlfriend were busy chatting with one another and not paying attention. If you're an attractive guy and the other guy's girl is tired of her guy, or wants revenge on him, or just isn't so much the monogamous sort, she may go for you regardless (especially if she doesn't get out much otherwise and you're the best option she's got, but I've also had party girls who went out by themselves a lot pull this - in that case, they seemed more to be girls who'd hook up anyway and I was just another checkbox on a long list of guys they wanted to hit the sack with).

It happens more often than you'd think. And, girls will tend to be fairly likely to be attracted to the friends (or brothers) of men they are dating, since men surround themselves with similar types of men, and if she likes her boyfriend she will probably like his friends.

Chase

 

[RDawg]

RDawg-

Absolutely; while people in relationships may be more attracted to single people on average, that doesn't mean that people in relationships never hook up with other people in relationships (nor does it mean that single people never date single people... obviously, right?

I could tell you plenty of personal stories of going out on double dates with friends of mine, my girlfriend in tow, and having the other girl touching me or flirting with me whenever her boyfriend and my girlfriend were busy chatting with one another and not paying attention. If you're an attractive guy and the other guy's girl is tired of her guy, or wants revenge on him, or just isn't so much the monogamous sort, she may go for you regardless (especially if she doesn't get out much otherwise and you're the best option she's got, but I've also had party girls who went out by themselves a lot pull this - in that case, they seemed more to be girls who'd hook up anyway and I was just another checkbox on a long list of guys they wanted to hit the sack with).

It happens more often than you'd think. And, girls will tend to be fairly likely to be attracted to the friends (or brothers) of men they are dating, since men surround themselves with similar types of men, and if she likes her boyfriend she will probably like his friends.

Chase

Wow! That's pretty crazy! It seems like it's hard to find a "good" quality potential girlfriend these days (especially one that won't cheat). Just out of curiosity Chase, have you ever hooked up with one of your friend's or buddy's girlfriend? And what would you do, if your buddy's girlfriend is hitting on you? This has happened to me but it seems like there is a very "fine" line to walk.

Lastly, that's interesting to know that girls are fairly attracted to the "friends/brothers" of the men they are dating. Never looked at things that way but that does make sense.

Thanks for the input Chase!

Ciao

- Rdawg

 

[Chase]

RDawg-

Wow! That's pretty crazy! It seems like it's hard to find a "good" quality potential girlfriend these days (especially one that won't cheat).

Well... there are plenty who won't. I also have a number of friends who have girlfriends who are perpetually mad at them because they have trouble controlling them or suspect them of cheating or whatnot, and usually these guys are dating party girls because they find them more exciting. Party girl + resentment/suspicion/revenge motivations = probably flirt, in my experience.

Just out of curiosity Chase, have you ever hooked up with one of your friend's or buddy's girlfriend? And what would you do, if your buddy's girlfriend is hitting on you? This has happened to me but it seems like there is a very "fine" line to walk.

Nope. That's a line I will not cross. Partly principles, and partly also just that I do not want to sleep with women if I know the guy they've slept with before... psychological thing; same reason I could never watch anything other than lesbian porn. If I see the dude or imagine him, might as well be a fire hose aimed squarely at my erection.

I used to flirt with buddies' girlfriends to "test" them and see how loyal they were, and then I'd tell my buddies, "Bro, she was breathing heavy and flirting hard... I suggest you think twice about this one." At one point I even offered to a buddy of mine to try and sleep with his girl and report back on what happened because I suspected she might be cheating on him and I wanted to get him some intel. Eventually I just learned not to get involved... often all that happens is the guy ends up defending his girlfriend as "not like that" and then you've got tension in your friendship.

Also, at the upper levels of skill, you will have unfair leverage over these girls: you've got the close friend attraction bonus, plus quite possibly perfect logistics if you're crashing in your buddy's place and his girl is over there a lot, plus you're operating at a level of game few guys have... it's potentially a novel situation that even a conservative girl might slip up in, and I don't want to be the guy who's creating this whole crazy situation that never would've happened in a million years if I hadn't created it in the first place to try and "prove something." Better just to keep everything on a platonic level.

Now I just try to be as platonic as can be around my buddies' girlfriends and just not interact with them too much. Women have polarized reactions to me; chances are, she'll get attracted at some point, and then either she start making passes at me, or she might decide she hates me if I don't flirt back or sleep with her or if she regrets flirting with me because she sees herself as a good girl, etc. I'd just rather avoid that altogether and just be a nice, pleasant, not-too-sexy guy with her so I don't become a source of discord in my friends' relationships.

Chase