Socializing Passing Eye Contact

[Anonymous]

I have a very distinctive question about an issue I encounter everyday.

When I am walking past someone and they are walking in the opposite direction I try to make eye contact with that person with the goal of smiling and saying "hi." My issue is that 95% of people in this world avoid that eye contact. They simply look straight ahead or look at the ground and keep walking by, even though I am sure most people notice out of their peripheral vision that I am attempting to make eye contact.

I am not talking about just complete strangers I am also talking about people who I have am acquaintances with. For example I just recently joined a new CrossFit gym, which if you know anything about CrossFit you know it to be a very social community of people who workout in a class structure and encourage each other. What I have recently noticed is that the majority of the extremely social alpha males will recipricate the eye contact with a strong smile and usually a hand shake. The less social alpha males will sometimes recipricate the eye contact but usually with a "what the fuck are you looking at" look. The beta males will mostly avoid eye contact. Majority of the women will avoid eye contact, even if I have introduced myself them at least once. Of course what I am concerned about is the women. What gives?

When I cross paths with a women that I have introduced myself to and she does not recpricate the eye contact I feel like a creep who just stared her down. Is that how it is percieved.
Should I conform to 95% of the world and just not attempt to have eye contact?
Someone please give me the breakdown?

 

[Thinkingenigma]

I have a very distinctive question about an issue I encounter everyday.

When I am walking past someone and they are walking in the opposite direction I try to make eye contact with that person with the goal of smiling and saying "hi." My issue is that 95% of people in this world avoid that eye contact. They simply look straight ahead or look at the ground and keep walking by, even though I am sure most people notice out of their peripheral vision that I am attempting to make eye contact.

I am not talking about just complete strangers I am also talking about people who I have am acquaintances with. For example I just recently joined a new CrossFit gym, which if you know anything about CrossFit you know it to be a very social community of people who workout in a class structure and encourage each other. What I have recently noticed is that the majority of the extremely social alpha males will recipricate the eye contact with a strong smile and usually a hand shake. The less social alpha males will sometimes recipricate the eye contact but usually with a "what the fuck are you looking at" look. The beta males will mostly avoid eye contact. Majority of the women will avoid eye contact, even if I have introduced myself them at least once. Of course what I am concerned about is the women. What gives?

When I cross paths with a women that I have introduced myself to and she does not recpricate the eye contact I feel like a creep who just stared her down. Is that how it is percieved.
Should I conform to 95% of the world and just not attempt to have eye contact?
Someone please give me the breakdown?

Part of this depends on where you live. In Memphis, for instance, the exact opposite is true. People are very aggressive with eye contact here, especially as you get closer to downtown. What that means is that if you make confident and sexy eye contact, girls who are interested will completely eye-fuck you, which is great pre-selection. That said, when I went to Waco for a conference, it was completely different and was much like you described. The only thing you can really do is to make sure that you aren't giving them the creeper stare, but rather the one that is both playful and intense at the same time. Aside from that, it's just a cultural thing. However, you can improve this by dressing in ways that are more edgy, and to practice walking powerfully. Both of these draw attention to yourself and allow you to easily make eye contact in the first place.

 

[superflirt]

So interested in this topic myself... I think it may have a lot to do with area as well, however, i seem to notice this trend almost everywhere i go.

One day i got fed up with it because I was again in my typical thought process and feeling like, "is there something wrong with me? is it something I'M doing that makes no one want to return my eye contact or smile back? what gives?" So, i decided to force myself to test the theory.

I was on a university campus in my hometown during high traffic time of day and i was getting no returned eye contact or smiles or maybe like 1 out of 30 people.. Anyways, I just plopped myself down on a set of stairs and just sat and watched all the college-goers walk through this heavy-traffic, outdoor area of the university.
And I sat there probably 20 minutes just watching and realized that NO ONE was smiling or making eye contact with each other. Literally NO ONE. It was a trip and kind of an eye-opener for me. It helped me not take it so personally and realize that, hey, if you smile and make eye contact with someone and tehy smile and make eye contact back, especially if it's a girl, whoa!, you better talk to her cuz that's a special, COOL person. They're different, like you and those kinds of people should clique up, in my opinion.

Anyways, i dont know what to do about it, it seems like a society thing. A lot of people are drawn to their cell phones and none of the TV shows that everybody watches show how to interact with strangers really so i guess everyone just looks down?? I don't know... I personally choose to act rather than react, so if someone's walking m direction, before we pass i make a point to give a (calibrated to the situation, i.e. guy or girl, elderly or young) smile and say "Hi!" .. If they think it's weird, whatever, let them REACT to my action by thinking its weird. However, i've found that most people appreciate it and look up and are like, "Oh hey!" and if it's at work or something i'll be like, "You going home for the day?.. Right on, have a good one.." and continue on...