Passion: the most important part of sex

[JackBauer34]

Hi

I'm a long time reader and have always found this site very helpful for picking up and relationships

The only part where I feel it's lacking is the sex advice. There are some great tips here with positions and whatnot. But I think the key part to giving a woman the best sex she's had is passion. Chase mentions it briefly in one of his articles but I don't think enough emphasis is put on it

I have read a bunch of other reputable sites and books on sex. They tend to agree with me

I remember talking to this girl about sex and she told me one guy in particular changed sex for her forever. It just wasn't the same with any guy she's been with before or after. When I asked her what he did or what it was, she didn't really know she thought about it and said there was stuff like he was dominant, unpredictable changed positions often did anal etc they were all good but the main thing she said was probably because he was so passionate, and since he was enjoying it so much, so was she

Think about that. You could do the best g spot and deep spot positions with perfect accuracy, but if it's all clinical then that's what the experience for her will be. Clinical

Whereas you could be having uncomfortable sex in a car will not much room to move around, but if it's really intense and passionate, she will enjoy it much more and orgasm easier

Seems to me the key to give woman the best sex is mental rather than physical

Here's the tricky part; what exactly is passionate sex? Most people would think it's slow tantric love making. It can mean different things for different people but what it should mean Is just really intense lustful sex

So how do you be passionate? This is a bit hard since it's all mental. But I would say have intense facial expressions, looking at her in the eyes with a strong piercing look. Be really into the moment all the time. Moan and groan, in a manly way of course. This will make her hornier. She will cum easier and the whole experience will be better

Of course dominance must never be forgotten.

I was hoping to get some opinions from you guys about this? Do you agree? I just think for so long I've been focusing on the wrong things about sex. Positions techniques etc etc when the key is all in the mind and the way you express yourself. Extreme passion and lust and dominance are what will seperate you from all the other men

Agree or disagree? Any inputs?



PS: look at some porn videos starring nacho vidal or hakkan serbes. I think those guys are good examples

 

[Richard]

Here's the tricky part; what exactly is passionate sex? Most people would think it's slow tantric love making. It can mean different things for different people but what it should mean Is just really intense lustful sex

So how do you be passionate? This is a bit hard since it's all mental. But I would say have intense facial expressions, looking at her in the eyes with a strong piercing look. Be really into the moment all the time. Moan and groan, in a manly way of course. This will make her hornier. She will cum easier and the whole experience will be better

Of course dominance must never be forgotten.

I was hoping to get some opinions from you guys about this? Do you agree? I just think for so long I've been focusing on the wrong things about sex. Positions techniques etc etc when the key is all in the mind and the way you express yourself. Extreme passion and lust and dominance are what will seperate you from all the other men

Agree or disagree? Any inputs?

I agree. Passionate sex is my forte, while animalistic and rough is my secondary. Passion is pretty easy to create in actuality and it stems from your ability to make a woman feel what you want her to feel by using your nonverbals. Passion is created by slowing down the pace of things and helping a girl to feel like she's your sole focus in that moment and I shouldn't have to explain how to make a girl your sole focus in that moment because it's pretty self-explanatory.

But, you can't forget that some women will simply not be into this. A girl who goes out strictly looking for dick isn't really looking for passion, she just wants to be fucked. Passionate sex is geared more for people in relationships, or for turning a girl into a girlfriend. The books you've read about sex may be right but they're certainly not talking about PUA based sex. Show me a book on giving passionate sex to a girl during an instant lay and I'll be amazed.

All in all though, I think passionate sex is reserved for more intimate partners but it is some of the most powerful sex you can a girl nevertheless.

 

[Franco]

JackBauer34,

Orgasms come first and foremost from my experience. You can be as passionate as a fat kid eating cake on his birthday, but if you aren't ringing her bell, it's not going to make an ounce of difference.

I think this is why Chase emphasizes the positions and the movements first and foremost; this is how you make a girl orgasm. Women technically don't even have to be "comfortable" during sex -- you can read studies that show some women experienced their first orgasm while being raped. One can argue that a rape is "passionate" in terms of the emotions being emitted from both parties, but I don't think we really need to dive into that subject!

Once you master giving a girl orgasms like a robot, you can start working on your "passionate" intimacy skills. Some guys are naturally good at showing/giving passion (myself included), but I also know some guys who are rather emotionless in bed, and that can particular quality can certainly be improved to intensify the orgasms, as well as replicate more intense orgasms after that.

Both parts are important in becoming the "best" possible lover you can be, but orgasms are what really matter to a woman the most. If you can't give a woman orgasms, then you need to accept the fact that she might come across a man who can give her orgasms, and likely has the ability to steal her heart away.

- Franco

 

[JackBauer34]

Here's the tricky part; what exactly is passionate sex? Most people would think it's slow tantric love making. It can mean different things for different people but what it should mean Is just really intense lustful sex

So how do you be passionate? This is a bit hard since it's all mental. But I would say have intense facial expressions, looking at her in the eyes with a strong piercing look. Be really into the moment all the time. Moan and groan, in a manly way of course. This will make her hornier. She will cum easier and the whole experience will be better

Of course dominance must never be forgotten.

I was hoping to get some opinions from you guys about this? Do you agree? I just think for so long I've been focusing on the wrong things about sex. Positions techniques etc etc when the key is all in the mind and the way you express yourself. Extreme passion and lust and dominance are what will seperate you from all the other men

Agree or disagree? Any inputs?

I agree. Passionate sex is my forte, while animalistic and rough is my secondary. Passion is pretty easy to create in actuality and it stems from your ability to make a woman feel what you want her to feel by using your nonverbals. Passion is created by slowing down the pace of things and helping a girl to feel like she's your sole focus in that moment and I shouldn't have to explain how to make a girl your sole focus in that moment because it's pretty self-explanatory.

But, you can't forget that some women will simply not be into this. A girl who goes out strictly looking for dick isn't really looking for passion, she just wants to be fucked. Passionate sex is geared more for people in relationships, or for turning a girl into a girlfriend. The books you've read about sex may be right but they're certainly not talking about PUA based sex. Show me a book on giving passionate sex to a girl during an instant lay and I'll be amazed.

All in all though, I think passionate sex is reserved for more intimate partners but it is some of the most powerful sex you can a girl nevertheless.

I think me and you are talking about different kinds of passion. You seem to mean intimate love making, I'm talking about animalistic pleasure and lust

 

[JackBauer34]

JackBauer34,

Orgasms come first and foremost from my experience. You can be as passionate as a fat kid eating cake on his birthday, but if you aren't ringing her bell, it's not going to make an ounce of difference.

I think this is why Chase emphasizes the positions and the movements first and foremost; this is how you make a girl orgasm. Women technically don't even have to be "comfortable" during sex -- you can read studies that show some women experienced their first orgasm while being raped. One can argue that a rape is "passionate" in terms of the emotions being emitted from both parties, but I don't think we really need to dive into that subject!

Once you master giving a girl orgasms like a robot, you can start working on your "passionate" intimacy skills. Some guys are naturally good at showing/giving passion (myself included), but I also know some guys who are rather emotionless in bed, and that can particular quality can certainly be improved to intensify the orgasms, as well as replicate more intense orgasms after that.

Both parts are important in becoming the "best" possible lover you can be, but orgasms are what really matter to a woman the most. If you can't give a woman orgasms, then you need to accept the fact that she might come across a man who can give her orgasms, and likely has the ability to steal her heart away.

- Franco

Hmm I disagree.

I'll use extreme examples here to get my point across. If a woman' happens to find herself with some average joe who's just read all the sex positions books on earth and knows every trick in book, and that's what he'll be focused on, on a nice big bed mind you so they have all the time and space in the world. If he's gonna just be all technical and just do all the right positions and thrusts, she still won't cum in a million years if he's going about it all technically, JUST technically


Where as if she met a dominant man who shoved her in some bathroom, passionatley make out and feel her body and fuck her with dirty lustful enthusiasm and dominance, she will cum hard even if they're in a cramped bathroom and he isn't getting all the positions right and hitting the right points with the same accuracy as the technician guy, it will still be the better fuck

Rape is also a good example as you said some woman have their first or very strong orgasms from rape. How can you have a strong orgasm in some dark alley with a stranger rape you like there's no tomorrow? I doubt he's focusing on hitting her g spot

It's because for woman sex and orgasms are more mental than physical. I think this is really important to remember; mental over physical. She doesn't want a doctor examining her body she wants a wild man to fuck her brains out


That being said, if you're ALSO an expert on the physical techniques then you're pretty much a sex God

But I really do believe that to give a woman her best sex, mental stimulation and arousal is more important than the physical stimulation

 

[Franco]

JB,

Where as if she met a dominant man who shoved her in some bathroom, passionatley make out and feel her body and fuck her with dirty lustful enthusiasm and dominance, she will cum hard even if they're in a cramped bathroom and he isn't getting all the positions right and hitting the right points with the same accuracy as the technician guy, it will still be the better fuck

Not necessarily. This is all just hypothetical, and you could technically still do all of the above to a girl and still not have her cum if you aren't giving her stimulation to her clit while simultaneously making solid body contact and keeping the same thrusting momentum.

I've already seen guys try all sorts of stuff that "seemed" lustful enough to make a girl cum, but if they aren't focusing on stimulating her correctly, then it could all go for naught. It depends on the girl too -- a girl who's more experienced generally has an easier time of reaching orgasm because she either (a) knows how to let herself "go" or (b) knows how to contribute to the stimulation to get her all the way to that point, and sometimes both (a) and (b). I've especially seen it fail when guys try to go for "speed" (super fast thrusts in the heat of the lustful moment) instead of "power" (super deep, rhytmic thrusts that have a deeper impact on the feelings she's experiencing, both mentally and physically).

There's a mental component to the sexual technique here, too -- having deep, rhythmic thrusts usually sends the girl into a kind of "trance" state where she can just forget everything else and focus purely on the good feeling that she's getting from your powerful thrusts penetrating her deeply in timed intervals. When you change positions or change thrust speed too often, it takes her "out" of that trance state for a moment and kind of breaks that spell. Orgasm is kind of a "build-up" thing too; it builds up and up and up until it reaches climax, but if you stop or change the motion that is giving her that build up, then you either lose momentum and have to make it back up with extra thrusts, or you might even have to start all over again. So I can argue that there's actually a "mental" element to the technique, and it's the way you perform that technique that can stimulate her mentally.

If you feel like you are "passionless" though and want to add the element of passion to your sex (which can help a woman achieve orgasm faster), then a quick addition you can make to your technique is to throw in dirty talk. Talk about how she's your "dirty little slut" and "how good it feels to have your enormous cock inside her tight, wet little pussy" and other things of that nature, and it'll likely engage her more in the moment, which can help keep her in that trance state by not letting her mind wander to anything other than the pounding of your cock inside her and the sound of your voice enabling it.

It's a bit more complex than it might seem, but I see passion as an "intensifier" of sex rather than a necessity. I've made girls cum several times when I was totally out of the moment and not feeling super lustful/passionate myself (NOTE: this occasionally happens with girlfriends or long-term sex partners where the "lust" has died down a bit), but I made sure to focus on keeping my rhythm solid and my thrusts deep and powerful so that she could be in the mental state necessary to finish.

- Franco

 

[JackBauer34]

I hope Chase will chime in here

 

[Chase]

Jack (and others)-

Fun discussion. Franco PM'ed me this thread so I wouldn't miss it.

Everyone defines passion a bit differently, so I'm going to define it here as this: as an expression of desire, possession, dominance, and hunger that makes a woman feel owned, controlled, submitted, and wanted so completely during the sex act that she loses herself in the moment and becomes completely consumed by it, ideally to ecstatic results.

So, both Jack and Franco have some wonderful points in this thread, though are approaching it from somewhat different paradigms.

Jack's approaching it from sort of a "pure, raw passion" standpoint, while Franco's coming at it from an "executed passion atop a mechanical skill set" standpoint. Both of these are different "kinds" of passion and come from different places.

The passion Jack's talking about requires a specific emotional state in the man's mind. If you've ever had really wild, knee-knocking, wrist-turning sex, it's almost always when you're wound up for some reason: it was really hard to lay this girl and you finally got it, or you've had sexual tension building with her for hours and it's finally come to a head, or she's a girlfriend of yours and you've been fighting for days and she finally came to you and submitted and you just took her and dominated her in an animalistic frenzy. Some girl you were friends with for years and finally conquered. That chick who was giving you lip all night and you unexpectedly hooked up at the end of it. It's impossible to simulate without the right emotional build-up. Hemingway describes this in For Whom the Bell Tolls as sex so incredible for the woman it feels like the earth is quaking and splitting apart beneath her, and notes how it's something that's only experienced a few times, at best, in a woman's life... and many/most women never experience it.

The passion Franco's talking about is a more systematic approach used for raising your baseline. That is, make the average sex session with you more passionate by learning the right behaviors, actions, etc. to employ to make sex a more emotionally enjoyable experience. This kind of passion I agree you're better learning the mechanics of sex first, then adding your "passion enhancements" on after, since it's easier to learn correct mechanics without the thrills of passion muddying the water (i.e., hard to know if you pleased her because you had correct form, or just gave her a wild emotional ride). Maybe think about it like the fighter who's learning how to do a rear kick, and he has to choose between whether he's going to come out of the gates kicking like a mule, or if he's going to carefully and methodically get his form right first, then start kicking like a mule. The first guy with his mule kicks from the get-go starts off stronger; the second guy, getting his form right and then adding in force and fury, ends up with the better, more effective, more complete kick after that training period is over.

You can make the kind of passion Jack's talking about be a more controllable thing, but this is primarily done through how you structure your interactions with women and how you push your own emotional buttons (or make girls push them). A lot of it has to do with mutual feedback: you say something sexy to her, she escalates it by submitting to it or saying something sexier back, you escalate it more by taking it even farther, and so on and so forth until you've reached a sort of runaway freight train effect.

A lot of it is physical dominance: shoving her legs open, throwing her around the bed or around the room, dominantly making her do things she complains about doing. A lot of it is also how into it you are: if you're in a barely-conscious super-aroused frenzy, where you're just focused on how good it feels to slam this powerless, submitted girl as hard as you can with your cock and how good it feels having her wet pussy wrapped around your member, and you're moaning and going at it that way, she'll get extremely into it as well, and the feedback only turns you on more, which you demonstrate during the sex, and then she gets turned on more, etc.

I've noticed that movement becomes fluid during extremely passionate sex, much more so than you can mechanically get it to be even during well-performed sex when you're simulating passion as best you can. There seems to be a specific thrust angle/movement you use that glides the penis in perfectly for deep ejaculation/insemination that I haven't been able to copy when not super turned on and passionate... but as soon as you're thrusting into her this way, it makes a girl just erupt in delight. It's not orgasm, per se (though it can lead to some pretty powerful ones); it's more of an "Oh God, I've been taken by a deeply passionate man who is completely possessing me." There's also just general dominance; no matter how well I simulate passion, I can't toss a girl around as recklessly dominant as I do when I'm bursting at the seams with uncontrolled carnal lust for her.

I've gotten a little better about summoning this on-demand over the years, but it's still highly situation-dependent. If there's been no sexual build up, no tension, she hasn't resisted like crazy then completely submitted, etc., it's very hard to summon this level of passion - that "That was the best sex of my life and I will remember it forever" variety.

I'd say for a guy who's learning and can't do any of this yet, focus on what Franco talks about first: get the mechanics down, then learn how to simulate passion and raise your passion baseline so you're still more passionate than most guys even when there isn't anything to trigger that unconscious passion. Once you've got that down, it's time to start seeking out those rare moments Jack talks about, figuring out what the factors were that led to them, and seeking to make them less and less rare, and more and more common.

If you want a quick recap on factors leading up to "once-in-a-lifetime, earth-shattering sex", here are the ones I've found:

• Huge build-up of sexual tension beforehand (she was super hard to get, you two were fighting for days or had a huge blow-up argument)

• You completely dominate her into accepting something she was vehemently against, then shag her brains out (e.g., she discovers another woman you've slept with since being with her, gets angry or uncomfortable about it, then submits to sex with you anyway)

• During the actual sex act itself, she completely submits to you, often after initially resisting (from fighting it to "I'm yours, I submit")

• You're uncontrolled in your lust for her - it's just a pure, unconscious carnality that you're barely directing. You may not even remember it much later

• There's a large element of mutual escalation in the sex act, with you being passionate, her receiving this and moaning/yielding more passionately, or wrapping her thighs around you more powerfully, etc.; you sensing this and getting even more into it, thrusting harder, grunting more animalistically, etc.

Also, this sex will typically be hard, typically be sweaty, and typically be fast, but not "jackhammer fast" (though it may be "jackhammer forceful"). It's the kind of sex you wouldn't normally do when not in a hyper-aroused state because it'd be too exhausting / too much work / you couldn't pull it off convincingly.

The downside of this kind of passion is it's dependent on the situation, and rarely something you can summon at will.

All you can do is get better at structuring your seductions to lead to a passionate end, or let the occasional blow-up fight occur and break the rules and engage in makeup sex... then when you get these, don't try to control it at all, just flip into unconscious "do what feels amazing" mode and make it unforgettable for both of you.

(of course, this is also where mechanical skill and training comes in... just like the martial artist who goes into automatic during an actual fight, or the sports player who shifts into automatic at a key point in the game, his 'automatic' mode is still only as good as his training beforehand was - he isn't going to suddenly start doing new moves he doesn't know how to do and executing them flawlessly... he's going to fall back on what he knows, and trust his unconscious self to know which of it to use, when)

Chase

 

[JackBauer34]

Great write up Chase. It would indeed be a powerful tool to be able to summon up that sort of sex on demand.