Passive aggressiveness

[DesiBro]

I've noticed lately that I have the tendency to be passive aggressive when things don't go my way. Does anyone have any advice on how to overcome this tendency?

It's difficult to get rid of , especially since I often feel like I have no better alternative.

 

[Thedoctor]

Desi,

In my experience, passive aggressive people are usually the ones who are a little afraid of confrontation. My general advice would be to speak your mind about any issue that has you behaving in a passive aggressive way. I realize that's not overly specific, but it is kind of an umbrella solution whether it pertains to: women, work, family, poor customer service somewhere, etc.

Can you provide one or two examples or be a little more specific to what you actually mean? One could write several books on passive aggressive behaviour to cover the entire spectrum otherwise.

-Doc

 

[DesiBro]

Yeah, an example: I've been a member of an organization for many years, and I am now a very senior member. Lately, due to other commitments, I haven't had as much time to devote to this organization, so they have decided that I shouldn't represent them at an upcoming conference. As a (highly competent) senior member, I took offense at this, so my first reaction was to want to quit and walk away.

On one hand, I feel like this would send a message to the management that what they are doing is not right more effectively than anything else I could do. Devoting more time to the organization after getting slighted seems like giving in to the wishes of the management, but I find it tough to come up with alternatives.

 

[metomeya]

Hey DesiBro,

I'm not a passive aggressive person myself, but I think you admitting to it shows you can be the bigger man in situations.

That being said, I would say exactly what you just said in your post to your peers in the organization (actually whoever decided against you representing them). Of course, do it respectively and with your emotions in check. It might be a little nerve racking the same way it is to cold approach a beauty woman. And like talking to a beauty woman you will try to justify or talk yourself out of it. But once you do it, you'll realize it was really no big deal.

The organization will most likely recognize your feelings and do something to accommodate its long term member, or worst case they give you a hard time about it. If the latter, they are not worth your time and you should leave.

I think Thedoctor hit the nail on the head. This is why you often see passive aggressive behavior often in offices and organizations. People believe they are in a situation where they are not allowed to be upfront and honest with each other's feelings. Interestingly, the first study to talk about passive aggressive behavior was on the military where you really can't express your feels.