Patterns and characteristics of a "true love" relationship?

[RAFox]

Chase once mentioned, in one of his articles, that he has witnessed a few relationships, in which both parties were equally in love with each other. My question is, has anyone else ever witnessed this? We're there any characteristics that those reationships all have in common, anything that could be called a pattern?

Cheers!

 

[Drck]

But what is 'True Love'? Each of us may consider somehing else...

If you talk about those sweet feelings, that tingling in stomach and beating heart, they may last some time. But eventually they will fade away... How long does it last, 2 months? 3 years? It depends, but eventually those feelings will be gone...

What is left then? Then you have to look at the overall relationship. Who contributes what, how much effort both invest, what are their common things to do... There are many factors, for example religion may at first not be important at all, but after 3-4 years it may become a huge issue... The girl may be at first very attractive, but after say 10 years in relationship she gained 30-40 extra pounds and she gave birth to 2 children... She used to pay 100% attention to him only, but now she pays 80% attention to children and only 20% to him... She is no longer visually attractive, yet there are still plenty of young females around... If she had to chose between children and you, guess who would she chose...

So when you take the initial relationship and compare it to 10 years later, there are huge differences... During the 10 years, we meet new people, we get different jobs, we learn new things that are now important... We may grow easily apart because life is constantly changing...

The rule in seduction usually is NOT to fall in Love first (if at all), because if you do you will usually mess up and lose... You will start overinvesting, carrying too much, chasing and so on, and that will push her away to auto-rejection... The rule is, the person who falls in love first usually loses...

So if you are looking for some pattern, IMO the best is to watch how much are both investing into each other, emotionally, mentally, physically... Which requires constant and persistant effort... Ideally you want to be investing just little bit less than she does, that way you always have upper hand...

Initially you will (ideally) investing some 30% overall, while she 70%. As the time go, you can let it go down say you 45% vs her 55%... Said in other words, if you want to keep her she always has to be investing into you...

 

[RAFox]

Hey, Drck.

I really appreciate the long answer you gave me. I am already aware of everything you wrote.
I believe that the sort of love that expires after a couple of years ain't love at all, just the rather simple circumstance of being horny that fades away after getting used to your partner. Do you know Eckhart Tolle? He's a really big number terms of enlightenment, and he says that things like hatred and desire won't last, because they don't come from the core of your being, but your ego.

Nah man, I'm talking about the love that lasts a lifetime, and beyond. Something Chase refers to as "old people love". When all you want for your mate is happiness and good feelings only. Undying loyalty and support. The kind of insane love that when, once her husband passed away, the wife refused to eat and drink, that she died for (I witnessed that myself, it ain't just a fairytale)! This is what it means to me, anyway.

But what I'm looking for are patterns and similarities in relationships in which both mates' affection levels are pretty much equal, since then I can work on recreating the circumstances, if that's even possible.

Cheers!

 

[Drck]

Don't know, who knows (unless he or she went through it)....

What I know is that there are definitely different kinds of girls can click with. The girl can be 9/10 in looks but I may not feel anything. Other girls can be looks 6/10 yet there could be quite strong connection.

I've recently read about sexual market value, I'm still not familiar with it but it sorts of make sense. You sort of evaluate what is your sexual market value - physical attraction, social status, experience, finances, age, health,... You add it all up and come up with a number, say 7/10.

Then you evaluate the girl the same way. If she is say very pretty but her overal value is 5/10, it may not be a good match. If her overall value relative to yours is 9/10, she might be out of your league, you will have very hard time to get her...

Didn't spent much time on it but it seems like an interesting concept. Basically you are trying to aim for a girl that is some 1 point higher than you, that way you can still fall in love and keep her, assuming you have a good game. If she is the same or 1 point lower, it is still a good match, but not optimal. If she is 2 points lower, you probably won't be in love for too long, if at all....

 

[JimmyB]

RAFox, here's just my take on it. True love - the type of love where two people are together for their entire lives - I think occurs when, firstly, both partners are incredibly attracted to one another. I do mean physically, but also emotionally and personality-wise. Both parts are required. And secondly, they both have to have an attitude of wanting to make their relationship work and be willing to act in ways that keep the relationship going. As a man, you have to really, truly understand what is needed for a lasting relationship. Because men are more the leaders and women the followers, a man that strongly leads a relationship will usually have a very successful and long-lasting relationship as long as he maintains his strong leadership. Because the women will just follow along happily - it's in her nature to follow a strong man. And she will have very little reason to stray. So when true love can last a lifetime you have:
1. A strong man who leads a relationship and is stable from the start until death.
2. Two people who are willing to put in the work required for a lasting relationship, even when it is very difficult.
3. Crazy attraction between the two partners. If you marry the most attractive girl (man) you've ever met, then you'll never have feelings of regret. And more importantly if you two have similar personalities and get along better than anyone else, you'll be compatible forever, assuming you're both genuinely that person.
I actually think Drck is on to something with the sexual market value. I think essentially you have to think she's almost out of your league, and she thinks the same thing about you. You both feel like you have found a catch and are lucky to be with your partner. I don't use a rating system usually, but it's like if you are an 8/10 and consider her a 9/10, and she think's she's an 8/10 and considers you a 9/10. Neither partner ends up with the "settling" feeling.