Hello people of GC,love the site!
Example how my life is at university at the moment, why I'm depressed regulary:
When i say something in a group conversation, I never get heard. I don't mean I talk too quietly, (most of the time) or I talk at the ''wrong time'', I just mean even if I speak at a reasonable tone, when there's a gap, about anything relavent to the conversation, I still don't get heard. Even if I join in a joke, I still don't get noticed. I can tell.
It's like I'm tuned out in advance.
I hear others talking, and some people even mumble something and it gets heard, where as if I am almost yelling something, nobody hears me. Like the other day when I finished work, we were in the canteen and I got up and said, ''see you all later!'' I said it in a loud-ish, cheerful voice, like I see most people doing when they're getting up to go, and nobody heard me. Nobody was even looking at me. They were all just drawn to the most extroverted person of the group. So I said, ''bye!'', but nobody still heard. I mean surely it doesn't hurt to just put up your hand and say, ''bye'' back, even if you are in a conversation. It's not alawys so Bad, but this shows my problem think. I see other people yelling goodbyes when there's a group conversation and they still hear and say goodbye. I mean surely you don't just stand and wait until the conversation is over then say bye, especially if you've got a bus to catch or something.
That's not the only time. It's just one of many things that happen.
People are nice to me, help me, sometimes invite me,but there is still this distance.
About me: I'm 6'0, twenty years old, not overweight or acne or something like that, the only problem is my social circle, which doesn't exist. I don't have friends. I seem to not look like it since I worked out, even as introvert , alone. I have muscles and , I also have no social anxiety or something, can speak in front of many people.Still I hear "you're shy" from girls often because I'm still quiet in comparison with my outgoing uni. Mates.
Since 1 year at university, new city. Meet new people, joined organizations made "friends" which are nice to me, but not like friends, more like uni. Acquaintances, other people met at the same time but act like real friends now.
When I'm with 3 friends and we meet new people, the new people seem only interested in my friends not me, I try to be interested in the other people, but that doesn't seem to help. I become an aquantance, while the others become friends. People don't really include me, cut me off,don't show me funny thigns on their smartphone in group situations, instead every other person, they don't seem to do that, to insult me, but this makes me mad and sad everytime since it shows, that I'm not so much appreciated. It shows they don't care about my reaction, to this not girl or funnz pic.
Why that is? Maybe because the last 5 years I spent much time on my computer, exercising and studying, had 3 friends tho. No travelling or much parties, drinking, no cool hobbies or all these crazy stories others have every new weekend. No 1,5k FB friends like the others. I mostly hang out with really social people since at unversity, since they approach me are open and friendly and hang out with me(everybody), but still don't include me fully. I want to eat, nobody really wants to go with me alone, x wants to eat they go and eat alone with him. It wasn't always like this, as child I never got that treatment, being chosen last in PE. I'm maybe not so interesting but it can't be that bad, how I am experiencing it every day. People would rather sit next someone else than me, I notice it when we learn in groups. Don't really talk much about not school related topics with me.
Any Ideas?
What can I do about it?
Example how my life is at university at the moment, why I'm depressed regulary:
When i say something in a group conversation, I never get heard. I don't mean I talk too quietly, (most of the time) or I talk at the ''wrong time'', I just mean even if I speak at a reasonable tone, when there's a gap, about anything relavent to the conversation, I still don't get heard. Even if I join in a joke, I still don't get noticed. I can tell.
It's like I'm tuned out in advance.
I hear others talking, and some people even mumble something and it gets heard, where as if I am almost yelling something, nobody hears me. Like the other day when I finished work, we were in the canteen and I got up and said, ''see you all later!'' I said it in a loud-ish, cheerful voice, like I see most people doing when they're getting up to go, and nobody heard me. Nobody was even looking at me. They were all just drawn to the most extroverted person of the group. So I said, ''bye!'', but nobody still heard. I mean surely it doesn't hurt to just put up your hand and say, ''bye'' back, even if you are in a conversation. It's not alawys so Bad, but this shows my problem think. I see other people yelling goodbyes when there's a group conversation and they still hear and say goodbye. I mean surely you don't just stand and wait until the conversation is over then say bye, especially if you've got a bus to catch or something.
That's not the only time. It's just one of many things that happen.
People are nice to me, help me, sometimes invite me,but there is still this distance.
About me: I'm 6'0, twenty years old, not overweight or acne or something like that, the only problem is my social circle, which doesn't exist. I don't have friends. I seem to not look like it since I worked out, even as introvert , alone. I have muscles and , I also have no social anxiety or something, can speak in front of many people.Still I hear "you're shy" from girls often because I'm still quiet in comparison with my outgoing uni. Mates.
Since 1 year at university, new city. Meet new people, joined organizations made "friends" which are nice to me, but not like friends, more like uni. Acquaintances, other people met at the same time but act like real friends now.
When I'm with 3 friends and we meet new people, the new people seem only interested in my friends not me, I try to be interested in the other people, but that doesn't seem to help. I become an aquantance, while the others become friends. People don't really include me, cut me off,don't show me funny thigns on their smartphone in group situations, instead every other person, they don't seem to do that, to insult me, but this makes me mad and sad everytime since it shows, that I'm not so much appreciated. It shows they don't care about my reaction, to this not girl or funnz pic.
Why that is? Maybe because the last 5 years I spent much time on my computer, exercising and studying, had 3 friends tho. No travelling or much parties, drinking, no cool hobbies or all these crazy stories others have every new weekend. No 1,5k FB friends like the others. I mostly hang out with really social people since at unversity, since they approach me are open and friendly and hang out with me(everybody), but still don't include me fully. I want to eat, nobody really wants to go with me alone, x wants to eat they go and eat alone with him. It wasn't always like this, as child I never got that treatment, being chosen last in PE. I'm maybe not so interesting but it can't be that bad, how I am experiencing it every day. People would rather sit next someone else than me, I notice it when we learn in groups. Don't really talk much about not school related topics with me.
Any Ideas?
What can I do about it?
