Socializing People making their way with their hands/arms

[lux7]

Rarely it happens to have people that make their way through you by using their hands/arms or by by grabbing your arm.

Please no hate now, I like being natural and honest so don't attack me for it, it happens to be almost always Asians/Vietnamese around here.
I don't know why, maybe it's the fact that their sizable community is not very liked/integrated and they feel it and for the few that actually go out that's they way to react to it, but that's how it is.

Anyway, I'm a very friendly and nice person and prefer of letting things go rather than taking it personally, but it bugs me that people have to push other people aside by using their arms rather than just walk by.
Even doing it with your body, in a crowded place, is totally OK: people need to move in spite of the crowd, but making one's way with one's arms just feels rude.

This evening I was walking down the stairs of a club, slowly, and here it comes this guy that rather than waiting for his turn and/or moving aside and brushing his body, grabbed my arm.
I didn't say anything as he didn't push/move me, but I don't like being grabbed as it feels being bossed around and was thinking it's not cool to keep quiet when you feel someone is being rude: would you say something in those cases?

 

[AsianPersuasion]

The Asians that I grew up with were far too reserved and shy to do something like reach out to lead someone else aside... I actually just started doing that to practice dominance, and I always thought it was a rare thing for people to do.

 

[lux7]

The Asians that I grew up with were far too reserved and shy to do something like reach out to lead someone else aside... I actually just started doing that to practice dominance, and I always thought it was a rare thing for people to do.

Permission to speak candidly, no offense and personal attack intended , I don't think it conveys dominance more than it does show rudeness and lack of social calibration (especially if you do that to actually follow your pal, you seem like a rude kid who's scared of losing contact with his shepard ).

It's only in the nights I've seen it happening, so it could be that the minority of the ones whom go out have developed that kind of attitude out of resentment for this racist society they live in (Asians here are almost always seen with other Asians and idiots around here make no qualms on saying they "don't like them").
Also of course these are personal observations, no scientific observation and recording has been done .

 

[Franco]

I'll chime in on this one.

I don't think it conveys dominance more than it does show rudeness and lack of social calibration (especially if you do that to actually follow your pal, you seem like a rude kid who's scared of losing contact with his shepard

I agree mostly with what lucifer has said here. I have plenty of experience moving through crowds as I go to clubs and music festivals relatively regularly. When I need to get somewhere and someone is in my way, my usual progression is this:

• If the individual in front of me sees me, I point in the direction I want to go and make a facial expression that says, "hey, I'm trying to get *there* (while pointing). Can I get through?"
• If the individual in front of me does not see me, I tap him or her on the shoulder (guys)/lower back (girls) and then do the point I mentioned above.
• If the individual does not respond the first time to my tap, I try this one to two more times in quick succession to see if they just didn't notice my tapping.
  (Here's where things change up)
• If the individual ignores my tapping, I put my hand on their back and move them out of the way (albeit as "gently" as possible while still making sure they get the hint that I'm getting through)
• If the individual acknowledges my tapping by turning and looking at me, and THEN doesn't move, I do exactly the same thing and move them with my hand. In this type of situation, especially if a girl is following you and you're leading, you need to assert your dominance that when you want to go somewhere, you get there. The trick is to keep your eyes on where you are going and don't make eye contact with the person in your way, unless you're looking to pick a fight. But I obviously don't encourage picking fights!

So to sum things up, politely let people know that you want to get through by tapping them first. Before you start pushing, make sure they've actually acknowledged your tapping (by tapping them again if you need to). If they ignore your obvious tapping, or acknowledge your tapping and THEN ignore it, then push them out of the way gently, keep your eyes locked on where you need to go, and keep moving.

This will usually get you where you want to go while maintaining your dominant, assertive vibe and preventing unnecessary fights.

- Franco

 

[AsianPersuasion]

Thanks Franco, I'll keep that in mind. No more leading people aside by touching their tricep