People making you wait as a power move

[Dash of Englishness]

Sometimes you have to wait for people in life, but if someone is doing it as a power move it can be very offensive. Have you ever had such experiences? With this thread I don't just mean girls making you wait in the context of seduction. Below are some experiences of the matter. Please share your thoughts and experiences.

My first memory that made me think of this was from a time when a colleague was taking over from a security shift from I'd just finished (it involved one guard in a cabin by a gate of a manufacturing plant). We'd said a few words to each other, and I was about to say something else about the job that he 'sort of' needed to know... just one of those things you'd say for the sake of it. He'd just brought something from his car (20 yards away) to the hut, and must have been about to go get the other bag from his car. As I started speaking he said "hang on there a minute" and went back to get the other bag. I waited and when he back as I'd started "yeah all I was saying was that...". He interrupted "yeah yeah, go on away home"! It was sort of like a double blow. I thought "why the fcuk did you even make me wait". If it were me in his position I'd have just waited a sec or two and let the person go, rather than both of us being there for another 60 seconds... as that sec or two wouldn't even really be taken from him anyway. I'm not saying it was deliberate of him. Maybe just natural lack of respect for me being young. Be it deliberate or not, after him witnessing that I'm sure he lost some respect for me. And yes, the guy was an ahole anyway.

As a bus driver (currently) it can happen too. One time these girls ran up to the bus (parked at the stop) to get to it in case it left, but their bfs only walked. They said "see those guys there, will you wait for them?". I waited because I was a minute ahead of time anyway. Guys at that age could be figuring out how to be an a**hole, and testing you to see if they've any power. They probably thought they delayed the bus. Another time I'd a crowd of people getting on the bus, and I noticed some scobes in the background. All the crowd got on and I closed the door. Then a few tourists came running up to the bus so I opened it again. Then after closing it again, only then did the scobes shout out "wait wait wait". This time I saw it coming and just drove off.

Another time I had been finishing a night shift and was hoping to get home before the sun came up so that I could get to sleep. I had a temporary access card at the time, and as I was about to drop it back into security it didn't work at the door. The security guy took it from me through the side window, went over to one of the PCs and proceeded to try and fix it. I knew I'd be ignored when I said "I'm really in a hurry" but still couldn't help but say it. No reaction! He took his time and fixed it. Only then did I realise that I didn't actually need to go in as I'd already handed it back through the side window.

One time was when I'd just clocked out (finished work), and one of the line managers was asking me a question. Then his friend came in and they proceeded to chat. After about 10 seconds I said "I'll be back in a second". He said "Liam, wait a second there". I just said "don't worry, back in a second" as I kept walking. I went and did something else and came back about 3 minutes later. yes, depending on the person that mightn't turn out very well. I couldn't have stood the thought of standing there while they were chatting.

Last example! A motorcycle guy (on foot) was crossing the road. A car on the other side of the road beaconed him to go out. He walked slowly considering the situation. I beeped at him and waved at him to go faster. He looked back as if to say "I could kick the shit out of you". Now I'd be a lot slower to do that in the states where they've guns.


Thanks for reading.

 

[Fuck This]

A lot of respect is respecting your time. When people feel their time is more valuable than yours, I take offense. Mainly because time is limited and we all have the same daily allotment...

I'll usually reverse it on someone and go do what I need to to and tell them "Find me when you are done..."

 

[Gunwitch]

Hanlon's razor man, "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

I hate just giving someone a quote as an answer but this is 100% appropriate. Something I finally realized myself, no one does anything right, but it isn't personal, they're just stupid or don't care. They aren't twisting their mustache hatching a conspiracy to make you late, overcook your food, forget to do things, etc etc etc. Makes it easier to just go "sigh, that's life" and not feel like they're directly doing anything to do with you.


Gun

 

[DarkKnight]

Basically you are saying you have trouble with being assertive. With the two guys being slow when you have to drive the bus an easy "tell your boyfriends to hurry up I will leave on my schedule". The biker guy, the gun is irrelevant, you just lost the staredown and rationalized about guns. For all he knows you could carry a gun as well.

All these things get easier when you already have experienced your jerk ohase.

 

[Searcher]

People here have given you good answers regarding being assertive. Assertiveness will be something that you will cultivate through practice and in the beginning you will probably overreact and look at everything as a malicious attack but it's ok as it's a process you will have to go through to finally be more calibrated. (Good thing is that you have already started since you recognize power moves).


Now as for responses.

As a bus driver (currently) it can happen too. One time these girls ran up to the bus (parked at the stop) to get to it in case it left, but their bfs only walked. They said "see those guys there, will you wait for them?". I waited because I was a minute ahead of time anyway. Guys at that age could be figuring out how to be an a**hole, and testing you to see if they've any power. They probably thought they delayed the bus

Response :-
"If they don't run and make it I am going to close the door."

If they try to argue say how their boyfriends are inconveniencing everyone in the bus.

Last example! A motorcycle guy (on foot) was crossing the road. A car on the other side of the road beaconed him to go out. He walked slowly considering the situation. I beeped at him and waved at him to go faster. He looked back as if to say "I could kick the shit out of you". Now I'd be a lot slower to do that in the states where they've guns.

Him walking slowly is understandable since he doesn't want to seem like he is following orders.
If in a stare down better to generally give a amused/bored look.

As I started speaking he said "hang on there a minute" and went back to get the other bag.

Response :- We are done here. You can leave.

I waited and when he back as I'd started "yeah all I was saying was that...". He interrupted "yeah yeah, go on away home"! It was sort of like a double blow. I thought "why the fcuk did you even make me wait". If it were me in his position I'd have just waited a sec or two and let the person go, rather than both of us being there for another 60 seconds... as that sec or two wouldn't even really be taken from him anyway. I'm not saying it was deliberate of him. Maybe just natural lack of respect for me being young. Be it deliberate or not, after him witnessing that I'm sure he lost some respect for me. And yes, the guy was an ahole anyway.

Not waiting for him would have been better. However if there was something that was important for him to know then

Response :- "Don't run away when I am telling you something important. It's irresponsible, understood?"

 

[Dash of Englishness]

Basically you are saying you have trouble with being assertive. With the two guys being slow when you have to drive the bus an easy "tell your boyfriends to hurry up I will leave on my schedule". The biker guy, the gun is irrelevant, you just lost the staredown and rationalized about guns. For all he knows you could carry a gun as well.

All these things get easier when you already have experienced your jerk ohase.

Trouble in being assertive? Some of these instances happened a long time ago. How do you know what I even said to those girls. The bus had to wait anyway. And what do you mean I lost the staredown? I took the risk (albeit small risk) and beeped the horn. Nothing about guns entered my mind at the time; I probably shouldn't have typed that sentence... I think I got a bit ahead of myself in thinking that a lot of forum users here might be from the U.S, and the premise of the comment might also be inaccurate.

 

[Dash of Englishness]

People here have given you good answers regarding being assertive. Assertiveness will be something that you will cultivate through practice and in the beginning you will probably overreact and look at everything as a malicious attack but it's ok as it's a process you will have to go through to finally be more calibrated. (Good thing is that you have already started since you recognize power moves).


Now as for responses.



Response :-
"If they don't run and make it I am going to close the door."

If they try to argue say how their boyfriends are inconveniencing everyone in the bus.



Him walking slowly is understandable since he doesn't want to seem like he is following orders.
If in a stare down better to generally give a amused/bored look.



Response :- We are done here. You can leave.



Not waiting for him would have been better. However if there was something that was important for him to know then

Response :- "Don't run away when I am telling you something important. It's irresponsible, understood?"

Those are good responses. Thanks

I might ask you about another thing he said to me once when we were changing over. He was going on sort of like "this is here now, and that's there, you're good to go". So that last "you're good to go" part seemed off... especially seeing as it was a job where you just sit around doing nothing. Seems like nothing in a way, but then I doubt he'd be saying that line to the other security guards his own age. That security guard had an aggressiveness to him... he was about 30 years my senior too. He was full of power moves. It was as if he'd read a book on it or something! I wasn't always quick enough for them, but I remember saying to myself that if he fucking touches me, I wouldn't be having that. One morning when we were changing over, he gave me a casual pat on the back as he left. It was pushing it just a bit too much for me, so I called his name, and as he turned around I said "don't be touching me okay". He frowned, leaned in and said "are ya alright?" as if to imply there was something up with me. I said "we're not buddy buddies now are we?... lets just take it slow"! It was so awkward, but worth it.

About the biker though; isn't it a sign of insecurity to want to appear like you're not following orders? Think about it; you're on the side of the street looking for a gap in the traffic to get through... a car leaves you go... I wouldn't view that as an order. Do you walk, or do you jog though? I'd jog! I'm not sure whether you're defending the biker there, but I'd be more inclined to put it down to rudeness or arrogance. I certainly don't think I failed being assertive.

 

[Dash of Englishness]

One time was when I'd just finished my shift and I needed to ask the payroll lady a question. The HR lady was in her office when I opened the door. As I saw they looked busy I said "it's alright, I'll come back to another time". The HR lady said that she'd just be one second. I said "don't worry, it's fine" but she again insisted "I'll literally just be one second" almost insisting that I wait. I levelled this insistence by again saying "don't worry it's fine" as I turned and left. I felt a bit rude but I was glad... she'd probably have left me waiting 3 minutes in the hallway. Certainly couldn't picture her waiting that long for me!