Plausible Deniability: explain

[Marty]

Posting this one in Beginners, my friends, as I realize that I don't have a firm grasp on a basic concept.

Tell me something about the notion of "Plausible Deniability" as it relates to seduction (I am familiar with the concept in politics and diplomacy).

Specifically, is it relevant:

• In the context of others (a girl's friends, social group, passers-by and onlookers); or
• In the context of the girl herself?

In other words, by providing a girl with plausible deniability, is a man helping her to save face, or to deceive herself?

I know this is very fundamental, don't shoot me down, fellas; that's why I'm posting over here in Beginners. Needless to say, I'm seeing some stuff in my everyday field interactions which is causing me to ask myself this.

Thank you, as always!

-Marty

 

[Nova]

It's not so much about helping a girl deceive herself as it is about allowing her to bypass the limiting effects of social repercussions. You know when you say to a girl when things are on 'anyway lets go back to mine and watch a movie or something, its a five min walk' - providing you've set the correct tones and expectations, even though you haven't explicitly stated that you are going to fuck, she pretty much knows that's what is going to happen.

Girls are totally aware of whats going on when a sexy man gives her plausible deniability to come home with him. She may think that perhaps you will actually watch a movie, but she knows what your end motives are and what time is counting down too, and if shes cool with it, she will go home with you.

Because of how society works and its impact it has upon peoples minds, beliefs, outlooks, considerations and agendas it is not easy for a girl to agree to a man who is explicitly asking for sex even though she may be attracted because suddenly thoughts go through her head. 'what would my friends say' - 'oh maybe im being to easy' - 'omg he has the cheek to ask that, he thinks its going to be that easy does he, well i will show him'

Girls just want you to provide them with an excuse so that they need not debate with themselves if they should go home with you or not. I think to a degree you are helping her save face from both other people and her own mind.

You are helping them, by providing them with a bridge. It's not deceptive because if you have set the right tones both girl and guy 'gets it'. Let face it, both of you want the sex so lets make it happen.

 

[Marty]

Thanks for picking this one up, Nova. It's what I suspected—a bit of both. And just to be clear, I have no concerns on the "deception" score, this was purely to enhance my understanding.

The point is that I generally manage the reputational issues well enough, but I fall down on that "girls debating with themselves" issue. I am so clearly not debating with myself that I fail to empathize

It's a good point about society's beliefs thoroughly penetrating a girl's mind until she actually exerts self-censorship unless you provide her with an "excuse". I'll keep it in mind and put it to good use!