Play the Game Damn Well Before I Die

[thedude]

Hi Fellas,

When I say 'the Game" I mean the game of life. In the end we're all gonna die, no matter how high you fly or how fast and how well, we're all going to the same place(or so it appears).

Before that happens I'd like to see how well I can play the game.

Can I maximize my SMV value? (Put on 10 LBs of Muscle, slightly better clothes, grow out long hair completely,)

Can I date high quality women that are both kickass to be around an beautiful superficially?

Can I become self-employed in a way that allows me to travel or live wherever I want when I want to?

These are the three things that are on my mind. They continue to appear day in and day out so this is what I'll focus on.

I've had a ton of fuck ups in the dating high quality women department haha. I was too aggressive or not calibrated or too persistent with 3 beautiful black women one after the other these past 3 months. Pretty silly.

I'll post up some FU reports explaining the details soon enough.

One thing i'm unsure of is, well should I fuck as many women as I can, no matter the level? Am I still not passed that point?

Example: I was walking to the store to buy some chewing game because I taken 3 bars of a special chocolate.

Spot this girl entering her apartment, strike up a convo and I agree to share/sell some of the chocolate.

I come back, we enter my place, she's joking about me killing her and stuff since I just met her. Lots of jokes like that but she isn't leaving, playing with her hair. Eventually I kiss her and it becomes obvious I can smash if I'd like(I ask her to see my little home studio, we exit the room and she asks to see it again/ "let's go back inside" haha.

But she was probably a 5, maybe 6 on the scale and her personality was... child-like. Spoiled girl who complains about silly things.

If she hadn't of lived so close to me(a house or 2 down) should I have slept with her to get the ball rolling again?

I'll post some FU's soon

 

[thedude]

And now I wonder if what I wrote above is authentic.

These ideas pop into my head daily but why? Why?

What is my task to perform? Is this truly it? Is it authentic? Or is it some egoic gratification bullshit. To be "the best", to have more women, more this, more that blah blah blah....

If I were to go out with a dating coach and he said" go approach her, that group, that set," I'd approach each and every one even if I don't talk to groups of women very often, I'd still do it without fear.

I find now that what I have in fearlessness I lack in imagination of things to do. To say, to try, in what order...

I guess it will all come into focus eventually? I tried to think and figure my way around for years but that was all fear and bullshit... And even now I'm still tempted to do that but one must let go...

What is the right action in each moment? Dammit it all.

I remember when I was in college taking intro philosophy course.

We were discussing democracy and communism and he said...

" I wish someone would just make my choices for me".

At the time I had my head firmly up my own ass and thought he was a coward. But now I understand the fear behind that statement, how pervasive it is...

Especially as I grapple with what I should do, eacah and every moment...