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FR+  Playing With Fire

Alcaeus

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2013
Messages
25
FR+ Playing with Fire June 7th 2014


Franco, Estate and others who read my question over on the “Tactics and Technique” board will remember her as the girl I stood-up earlier this week and eventually rescheduled with.

Link provided:
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=6803

Stood her up Tuesday.

Sent her this 3 hours after our date: Babe! My bad! Holy Shit! I had a doctors appointment at 1:30 and just got back. OMG! You should totally kill me

Radio silence Tuesday night, Wednesday and Thursday I forgot about her. I remembered Friday night and did the second method of the two methods I was debating with. Check the above link.

Sent her this at 8pm: Hey, gonna give you a ring in a little

Her: Can U call 9ish nows no bueno

I call anyway. It rings. I leave a voicemail: Hey, (her name) Its Alcaeus. Give me call or shoot me a message.

I call again at 9:10 and it's just crap. I turn into a beta bitch on the phone. I beat around the bush, and I just felt so embarrassed with myself.

Alcay: Hello?

Her: Hey, whats up?
[ Very warm and reassuring I knew she would cool down, but this is better than I expected.]

Alcay: Yeah, so what's happening?
[ What the fuck? This is so unlike me. It's like I left my body and was watching someone else do the interaction for me.]

Her: Nothing much. I had dinner. How are things with you?

Alcay: Oh that's cool, yeah, I had a nice week, doctor said I have bronchitis, so I've been recovering.
[ I am a sad pile at this point. I can't control this interaction, believe it or not, I got butterflies in my stomach like a school girl as I spoke to her on the phone, it was partially disbelief that I had another chance with her, but at the rate I was going, I was gonna fuck it up.]

Her: Oh no! Are you feeling better?

Alcay: Yeah, I'm much better. Thats why I didn’t make it on Tuesday. So sick I totally forgot. Did I waste a lot of your time?
[ *Face palmed myself as I held the phone to my ear*]

Her: Kinda I, spent an hour and a ½ to get there.
[ Yikes]

Alcay: Damn that sucks...
[ Yes, I know, I'm just babbling and stalling.... Still don't know what came over me.]

Her: Well, I have Summer Youth tmm.

Alcay: Cool, I have to give a speech tmm.
[ Trying to qualify myself I guess? I'm a mess.]

Her: Thats nice, where?

Alcay: Middle School graduation, it finishes at 4

Her: Nice, Summer Youth finishes at 4 too.

~Guys please don’t kill me ~
Alcay: So ugmh, yeah, ughh, you wanna reschedule or something, you know?
[ *Hung my head in shame*]

Her: Yeah sure!

Alcay: Alright this Starbucks at X and Y location. I'll shoot you the exact address on Google maps.
[ After I passed that final bump, I became me again and streamlined the phone call.]

Her: Okay, what time?

Alcay: 5 clock should be perfect, it takes me a an hour to get there from the middle school. Can you do 5?

Her: Yup Sounds good.

Alcay: Alright I'll shoot you the address and I'll see you at 5 tmm. Sleep tight love.

Her: Tmm at 5. Okay, bye Alcaeus.


-----------------------------------------------Saturday ---------------------------------------

Got to Starbucks at 4:55. Sent her a message. She was gonna be very late.
I ended up waiting at Starbucks for 2.5 hours. We texted every couple of minutes. Turns out she went shopping with her mom so I was left waiting around feeling like a derp. Luckily, I discovered one of my friends worked at the Starbucks so he kept me busy and distracted me from my inner humiliation that I was de-prioritized and my time wasted.

Fast-forward 2.5 hours

I waited outside since inside Starbucks is fucking brick. I was sipping on a leaf green iced tea when she showed up around 7:30. She was dressed in a peach and white dress, very stylish; almost didn't recognize her. I saw her approach from the corner of my eye and stood up with green tea in hand and looked off into space until she walked into my bubble.

I was emotionally and physically fatigued and I just defaulted into a super platonic hug instead of a kiss on the cheek. Bad way to start off...

The dialogue begins as such:

Alcay: Hey, so you hungry? Want anything from inside?

Her: No I'm good.

Alcay: Lets go to Wendy's then, in there is freezing (motioning my head to Starbucks), plus they have plenty of seats (pointing at Wendy's).

Her: Okay hold my bags, they are friggin heavy.

Alcay: Lol (I chuckled), maybe in a little if I feel like it.
[ Saw that one a mile away, thought I was gonna be shopping guy.]

Her: Starts rambling about something.
[ I'm too busy trying to process logistics to listen, as long as she is talking I try to figure out a pull location. I settle on the Wendy's bathroom as we crossed the street. The Wendy's and Starbucks are two blocks from each other.]

Alcay: How old are you?
[ I wanted to hold the small of her back, but internally I felt it was too big a jump, not enough compliance and or comfort, so we just walk side by side.]

Her: 17, and you?

Alcay: 24.

Her: Really? You don't look like it. Are you lying?

Alcay: Alright you caught me. 23 and ½.
[ I did all this with sexy eye contact, facial expression and the sorts. Then things began to go downhill.]

Her: No really, let me see your ID.

Alcay: JK I'm actually 23 and 7/16.
[ Yes, I know the joke is over and I was beating a dead horse-- I'm such a fucking nerd.]

Her: *Blank dry stare..*
[ Thats when I took note of how rusty I had gotten.]

Alcay: Ok I'm 16.

Her: Huh? Oh no, this isn't going to work. You're that young? But your a Senior, how is that possible?
[She got very visibly flustered. I never experienced that before. It made me kinda nervous how loud and visibly expressive she became in public. This one is gonna be a handful.]

Alcay: No I was born in 1994.
[ I finally became aware the joke was over and just cut to the chase.]

Her: So your 20.

Alcay: No, 19.
[ I just wanted this age game to be over at this point, it was so stale.]

Her: You're mad suss. We are going to have trust issues.
[ That stung. In the moment I equivocated it to being called weird, but it's just a word she says and calls things I would later find out. The second part totally missed me but now after everything, I can see she was sizing me up for a relationship.]

We get to Wendy's and she sent this nugget my way:

Her: Open the door for me.
[ I was gonna do it anyway, but that made me want to challenge her. I did some rapid possibility processing and decided I didn't want to stand in front of a Wendy's doorway convincing a girl to open the door for me. I sucked up my pride opened the door and entered first.]

We enter Wendy's and I am tired, cold and uneasy. I lead us to a seat and sit down. We resume the age spectacle.

Her: You're 19?
[ Uhhh...]

Alcay: Lets trade Ids
[ I give her an Id without my picture and she examines it.]

Her: Oh 19.
[ Fucking duhhh.]

Alcay: Swing your Id.

Her: Here don't look at my picture and don't try to snatch it. Here I covered my picture.
[I look at the Id and see 1996 and half heartedly try to take it from her. Looking back I bet guys try to do that all the time, and I didn't want to wrestle her for an Id because that is totally what she wanted. I take my Id back and place it in my wallet.]

Decided it was time to throw in a chase frame

Alcay: Do I look cute?
[ I sounded so try hard... I went better in my head.]

Her: You have really long eyelashes Oh my God!
[ Hey she took my lame chase frame well, whew.]

Alcay: I exfoliated too, just for you.
[ Not exactly sure what my train of thought was when that crap escaped my mouth. ]

Her: Your eyelashes... are they real?
[ She ignored my exfoliation rubbish and touch my eyelash with her finger. I nod my head, yes.]

Alcay: It's fucking cold.
[ I was freezing again. This seduction was turning out to be a total disaster.]

Her: Look you have goosebumps.
[ I stand up and motion for her to follow me as we exit.]

Her: I'm tired, carry my bags or I am going home to drop them off.
[ She had the helpless baby face on, I can tell this chick has her share of orbiters.]

Alcay: (I stop. Give her the skeptical look and say) That's too bad, I'm going to the park, its up to you if you want to come.
[ This bitch crazy? Carry her shopping bags or she leaving? Ultimatum my ass. In all honesty I wanted that booty, but that isn't going to make me regress into a beta bitch. Try again hunny.]

We start walking to the same Wendy's entrance we use, I am mentally crunching escalation locations at the park but I can't draw up anything unless it get darks enough. Then she snaps me back to into the moment.

Her: Which way is the park?

Alcay: It's on the right. You know what, forget it. Lets go to this park (I point down the road), that other park is too far.
[ I switched parks midway because the initial park on the right, I remember it was loaded with kids and parents and I had a hard time escalating for the kiss on a past date. I was a bit flippant in how I switched parks. Took a minor hit in my ability to lead.]

We start to walk the 5 blocks to the park and the conversation is awkward but not forced. I was struggling with deep diving because I was too focused on escalation logistics again.

Alcay: So where do you live?
[ Just wanted to get her talking.]

Her: With my mom and older sister in XYZ.
[Fuck, can't take it back to her place. Too far away, plus people variables.]

Her: And you?

Alcay: With my mom and little sister. Any plans for tmm?

Her: Yup, Church!

Alcay: Oh so your a church girl.

Her: Lol, yeah I guess.

Alcay: Do you go because you want to or was the religion shoved down your throat?

Her: I really don't know, I guess its just something I do.
[Yay, made some headway, with a deep dive.]

Alcay: Yeah, sometimes when your in the habit of something you don’t stop and realize you have a choice to do it. Well, don't get me wrong, if you like church, do you. I just want to know how you feel about it.

Her: I like it I guess. Its just that my mom brings me every Sunday. What about you?

Alcay: Not really, that chapter in my life has kinda passed. You church girls had your way with me and threw me to the side.
[Chase frame? Pre-selection?]

Her: What do you mean we church girls?

Alcay: Oh yeah, I know all about you guys. Masquerading as these chaste people when in fact your sexual curiosity is stronger than the less sexuality suppressed person.

Her: What, NO!?
[ She gave me one of those defiant nos, but if you maintained eye contact, you could see below the surface layer of defiance, that she knew what I said was true. Skeptical look and I let the conversation die for a moment, for it to sink in. ]

Alcay: Any hobbies?

Her: Photography.

Alcay: Aiyyyyy!
[Sexy smile and the works. First successful sexual progress since interaction.]

Her: No! Not like that, gosh. Not the type your thinking. I take pictures of nature and buildings.
[ She is laughing and we are finally having a mutual good time.]

Alcay: I do, photography too, maybe you could teach me a thing or two.
[ I was way too excited to share a commonality with her. Should have lead her to this realization. (Nice, do you have a DSLR?)]

Her: Maybe. What about you, what are your dreams?
[We are about to cross a busy intersection and I grab her hand. She got quiet, conversation tapered off]

Alcay: I want to become an Aerospace Engineer.
[Lame. I gave her my cookie cut college essay answer instead of baiting her. The conversation dropped right there because she could not relate, and I didn't ask her her dreams because she already told me when we first met to trade contact #s. ]

Alcay: Any other hobbies
[ Keep her talking. But I chose an exhausted conversation thread. Should have deep dived her about photography.]

Her: I do journaling too.
[ My deep diving is so rusty.]

Alcay: Tell me a story.
[ Talk girl, talk.]

Her: I write them down I don't know them off the top of my head!
[I didn't even ask a follow up question just topic jumped.]

Alcay: No silly, tell me about your childhood.

Her: What do you want to know?
[It was like pulling teeth... ughh]

Alcay: The beginning; Where did you grow up.

She tells me about her early days and how she lived in Massachusetts and move back to NYC, how she is part Trinity and other stuff I forgot about.

We get to the park and find a nice seat facing out toward the train away from people.

She sits up close next to me and her leg is brushing my leg. She moves her hand and it contacts my knee cap I take it as another opportunity to chase frame.

Alcay: Hey! Feeling me up already?
[She gives me an exasperated look and rejects my frame. It dawned on me that I should pause logistics and focus on warming her to my sexuality. This was a bit too much resistance than I am accustomed to.]

I place my right hand over her shoulder and tell her to kiss me on the cheek to test the waters. She hesitates for one second then kisses me. Thats my green light. I face her, say “My turn” and kiss her cheek. We go back and forth like this two more times and then she fakes a kiss to my lips and I took it as an over-obvious escalation window. I was embarrassed that it took such a large hint that it was time for me to kiss her on the lips. We kiss and then it gets fucking boring...

Her: We are not going to make out.
[What the fuck? Girl we need to have sex, forget making out, thats for middle schoolers.]

Alcay: (Sexy voice,) Uhm, hmm
[And then I go for the kiss. She doesn't reciprocate so I end up kissing two stone lips.]

Her: I don't want to make out on the first date.
[Holy Shit!!! Bitch, we need to have sex on the first date, stop fucking with me.]

I kiss her on the cheek lean back and play it cool. I got LMR and I haven’t touched any of her privates yet.... I rest her head on my shoulder, and we watch the sunset fall over the buildings.

A bit more kissing on the cheek and stone lips and the occasional reciprocal lips that kiss me back and we finally get to another hurdle.

Her: You're such a player.
[ This shit never ends.]

Alcay: Why would you say that?

Her: You're too smooth.
[First genuine compliment of the evening!]

Alcay: I just do what I want and what feels natural.

Her: Are you a virgin?
[ Here we go...]

Alcay: Kinda (Sexy smile)

Her: There is no kinda. Its yes or no.
[Right then and there I knew she was one of those virginity zealots. No LR to write tonight. Bummer]

Alcay: It's really not a big deal. Are you?

Her: Yes and yes it is. You need to find someone you can live with, someone special and you know you can lose it to them.
[Now she was giving me life advice on love.. I should have glazed over it and ignored her but I got agitated and mentally emotional. I needed to stop her from spreading this blue pill crap.

Alcay: Listen Babe. First, sex is an experience shared between two cool people. It is an amazing experience in itself and the media only brainwashes those who don't know any better to worship celibacy. The fact is, sex and love are not the same thing.
[After I said that I caught myself and rationalized where I was. Stuck with an inexperienced virgin who was more trouble than she is worth and 99% no possibility of sex. What can be accomplished?]

Her: Well I don't plan to lose it anytime soon.

Alcay: Thats too bad, (Hinting that she missed out)
[I could always break down her shields with felatio, and convince her of anal and oral, and then possibly vaginal. But in the moment I was lazy.]

Our conversation took a noticeable plunge. We both saw there was no future for the interaction. I did the only thing I knew how to do. I lead her.

Alcay: Hey, kiss me.

Her: She kissed me on the cheek
[Back pedaling....]

I took her chin and then guided her lips to mine. She interrupts me with.

Her: I don't know how to kiss.
[I couldn't tell if she was joking or felt insecure about her skills, so I just took it at face value.]

Alcay: Well first, we make eye contact. (I'm acting it out with her too) Then we slowly begin to approach each other's face. A good rule of thumb is to bare to the right, just like when you are driving. You go to your right, and I go to my right. As our lips get closer we begin to close our eyes. The goal is to close your eyes just as your lips touch and then focus on the texture and sensation of our mouths.
[ The second our lips touched, she shot her tongue into my mouth. Lol, bad form, but that lesson is for another day.]

We make out some more and take breaks and finally I decided it is time to go. We get up, hold hands and walk out the park. She continues to allude to how I am a player and I just let it rock. I finally come out and say I'm not boyfriend material, she gives that “Oh no you didn't” look and I knew I buried myself.

Her: That is such a player thing to say.
[Fuck, I went and opened my mouth, I'm never gonna hear the end of this.]

Alcay: No. It is an honest thing to say. I'm not like one of those guys that lead girls on.

Her: Why aren't you boyfriend material?
[She totally wanted me as her boyfriend.]

Alcay: I'm too stupid.
[Lmao, dumbest thing to leave my mouth in months.]

Her: You're going to XYZ Prestigious college on a full scholarship.

Alcay: It's just that my prioritize are up in the air and I really want to focus on things about me first, I probably wouldn't have the time to give a girlfriend the things she need.
[ That's much better.]

She was content with that answer and as we walked to her bus stop, she held my hand more aggressively. Gave myself a pat on the back for that power-play.

We lean against a building holding hands and when her bus comes we kiss and she gives me a ferocious hug. I begin to walk to the train station and when I get home I send her this text:

Alcay: Hope you got home safe. Well thanks for a lovely evening.

~

Please leave questions, comments and concerns. Advice, no matter how small is also much appreciated.

-Alcay
 

Whizzy

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 8, 2013
Messages
676
Re: FR+ Playing With Fire

The text "Alright I'll shoot you the address and I'll see you at 5 tmm. Sleep tight love" should more than likely be reduced to "Alright, see you at 5". Adding in the sleep tight love is too boyfriend like, but if you wanted to you could add "Try not to think about me too much tonight ;)" As a general rule I noticed that your texts are significantly longer than hers, if possible try to keep them shorter than hers, if you noticed her texts rarely went over 3 words.

As for the date itself, waiting for 2.5 hours...definitely makes it seem like your time is not valuable. At that point I would recommend rescheduling the date or making up an excuse such as "Perfect x&y came up, meet you there soon" and then come back later if you want. Either way, don't waste your time!

Honestly a kiss on the cheek is just about as platonic as a hug so I wouldn't worry too deeply about that one.

Your first line, "Hey, so you hungry? Want anything from inside?" Heck no! You wanted Wendy's anyways, dont be her server, instead try "Let's grab some food from Wendy's, i'm starving". Remember you are the man, lead like a boss.

When she asked you about her bags, you handled it pretty well. Normally I would just give her a skeptical, "oh no you didn't" look and not even respond.

The age joke...you picked an age that was too close to your real age but not entirely believable. Granted the joke wasn't all that great and backfired a bit, but i think you already realized that :)

"Open the door for me"...noooooooooooooooooooooooo she just made you her bitch essentially with this one. Granted this was a good move by her in terms of investment, but dont just do it. Pause and then channel your inner Christian Grey sexy eyes look, then open the door. Oh how she will pay for this later ;)

"Not really, that chapter in my life has kinda passed. You church girls had your way with me and threw me to the side" I feel like this had the potential for a chase frame, but was just worded in a way that made it sound like you couldn't attract church girls. Instead try something like "I can't go near a church after the naughty things I've done". Keep in mind you have to deliver this line in the right tone, sexy as hell!

Her: What, NO!? I wish I could bold this line from her some more...this was the line and the setup that you had been waiting for my friend! If you had kept pressing the conversation with a sexual undertone she very well may have folded and there was the escalation opportunity setting itself up for you.

At this point I am not entirely sure this would have played out since the sexuality hasn't been there from the start and as you mention later, she knows enough about you to have slotted you for boyfriend material. However the virgin conversation was a little off as well...

"Are you a virgin?", instead of kinda try for "wouldn't you like to know?" with the sexy smile. This sets up a chase frame instead of her appearing to get mad at your weak answer.

Last comment then I have to head out, but "Hope you got home safe. Well thanks for a lovely evening." when you get home...just fits you into boyfriend land even more I feel. However you had some saving grace at the ends of the date by giving off a scarcity aura and male dominance with "It's just that my prioritize are up in the air and I really want to focus on things about me first, I probably wouldn't have the time to give a girlfriend the things she need."

Overall good job and hope this helps!
 

maximus6004

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 28, 2014
Messages
367
Re: FR+ Playing With Fire

I agree with everything stated in the comment above. Also.I.believe you gave too.much value. Treat her like a lover.

For example, I went out with an eighteen year old who would only meet me at the movies. Cool watched a movie she gave me the signal to do.more. she came from a very traditional.mexican family religious all.lived together. All that, I brought her to my place where she said straight up, don't think your fucking me tonight. I'm not that kind of girl. So I said is this ok, and I grabbed her ass. She said no it's not ok. So I said what's not ok this? Yes that is not ok.... so let me get this straight this is not ok.... lol stop it. Yea I slept with her dropped her off at five a.m. her parents were driving around looking for her at the theatre.... She told them she was sad and went to cry by herself on a long walk... lol never saw her again after that though
 

maximus6004

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 28, 2014
Messages
367
Re: FR+ Playing With Fire

Basically, always assume attraction and keep.the logistics to.doing anything with her back.at your house.
 

Alcaeus

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2013
Messages
25
Re: FR+ Playing With Fire

Whizzy said:
The text "Alright I'll shoot you the address and I'll see you at 5 tmm. Sleep tight love" should more than likely be reduced to "Alright, see you at 5". Adding in the sleep tight love is too boyfriend like, but if you wanted to you could add "Try not to think about me too much tonight ;)" As a general rule I noticed that your texts are significantly longer than hers, if possible try to keep them shorter than hers, if you noticed her texts rarely went over 3 words.

Solid Advice! I definitely have to practice that more often. My texts were way longer than hers and when I noticed it for myself it was a bit too late...

As for the date itself, waiting for 2.5 hours...definitely makes it seem like your time is not valuable. At that point I would recommend rescheduling the date or making up an excuse such as "Perfect x&y came up, meet you there soon" and then come back later if you want. Either way, don't waste your time!

Still beating myself up for that. Yeah, that's a big no-no.

Honestly a kiss on the cheek is just about as platonic as a hug so I wouldn't worry too deeply about that one.

Totally agree, I meant to kiss her (on the lips) when we first met like I've done to girls in the past who I knew it was on with. As a rule for myself I opt for the hug, because it provides more contact than a quick kiss on the cheek.

The age joke...you picked an age that was too close to your real age but not entirely believable.

Thanks for pointing that out. Age was too close to my real one.

"Are you a virgin?", instead of kinda try for "wouldn't you like to know?" with the sexy smile. This sets up a chase frame instead of her appearing to get mad at your weak answer.

Ahhh, the infamous, "Are you a virgin?" question. This question has chase potential all over it. I blundered the opportunity this time around but I'm sure I can get away next time with solely sexy eye contact and a mischievous smile.

Thanks Whizzy
 

Alcaeus

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2013
Messages
25
Re: FR+ Playing With Fire

maximus6004 said:
I agree with everything stated in the comment above. Also.I.believe you gave too.much value. Treat her like a lover.

Maximus, bro, I felt like my value was sky high, but we just weren't relating... the attraction was there, but relatability was in the gutter.

The fact that she placed up those walls of resistance before we could escalate to sex threw me for a curve ball. I kept composure though. Personally, I take it as a marker beacon when a chick says, "Where not having sex." or any similar derivatives. Just love the challenge because the fact that they say that when we are already in a seduction location means she already lost... :)

Thanks for weighing in.
 

Verisimilitude

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
461
Re: FR+ Playing With Fire

After reading the whole interaction, one major thing sticks out at me. You're trying to do waaaay too much. Especially as a beginner, you need to keep things simple. The entire interaction reminds me of how in an article Chase says, "Ughhhhh stop talking, she's already attracted". She shows up dressed to the nines? She is on guard and calls you a player? She quickly puts her tongue in your mouth? She was attracted already man.

The joke about your age was too much. Completely unnecessary. Playing games like that isn't gonna make her like you (because she already does)! You get down on yourself about how hard you have to work to get this girl and how you are so nervous. Stop trying to do so much. Its a common mistake. You don't make her like you more, you end up talking yourself out of a good date (Because of the religious objections, I'm not sure that she would have had sex with you no matter what you did).

You say that the value was there (I think attraction is a better word) but the reliability was low, which is a different way of saying your deep diving was clumsy. Again, doing too much. The church comment created division (remember we want to get warmth and a team attitude), and the "tell me a story" line never works. Don't ask her to tell you a story, let her open up to you and then she will feel safe enough to tell you a story. People love to talk about themselves, you just gotta let them. Let deep diving flow naturally, or it will feel awkward. The lack of connection can help explain why she kept testing you about being a player (also a sign of attraction). She likes you, but is nervous because she feels you don't understand her.

Ok so those are cons. But you did a lot of stuff right too.

First, you got her attracted to you. That's half the battle. You got the basics, which is huge. When she complimented you on your eyelashes, that was a sign. The photography chase frame was perfect. It helped steer the interaction in the right way. Grabbing her hand is great too. She got quiet because she got turned on and nervous. The part where you taught her to kiss is what makes this FR though. It lowered her walls and got you leading and her chasing.

A lot of good stuff. You just need to get out of your own way. Do you have a step by step process internalized? Having a next step to go to is always good. I think you should have tried to invite her home or somewhere quieter to have sex.

When you get nervous, take a couple seconds and get it together. And stop talking so much. Instead of talking more, talk less and slower. It calms you down and stops you from fumbling. When you get flustered, go back to the basics. First control your breathing, then your posture, then your eye contact. By going back to the simple things you realize that know what to do (and get small victories along the way).

When you understand how to do just enough to get the seduction right combined with solid deep diving, you are gonna knock it out of the park! It takes a while, but you are out of the beginner stage! You got the fundamentals, now get the intermediate stuff down and you'll be light years ahead of most guys. I remember when I crossed that threshold, things got noticeably easier. I was working less and getting more. A really awesome feeling.

Keep it simple,

V
 

Alcaeus

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 5, 2013
Messages
25
Re: FR+ Playing With Fire

Verisimilitude said:
After reading the whole interaction, one major thing sticks out at me. You're trying to do waaaay too much. Especially as a beginner, you need to keep things simple. The entire interaction reminds me of how in an article Chase says, "Ughhhhh stop talking, she's already attracted". She shows up dressed to the nines? She is on guard and calls you a player? She quickly puts her tongue in your mouth? She was attracted already man.

V, Fucking splendid bro. Thank you, I never took the second to back off and look at the situation from third person; she wanted me. I guess I just wanted to increase attraction even more... through talking? I totally forgot about sexual tension.


You get down on yourself about how hard you have to work to get this girl and how you are so nervous. Stop trying to do so much. Its a common mistake. You don't make her like you more, you end up talking yourself out of a good date.

lol, nearly did that.

Don't ask her to tell you a story, let her open up to you and then she will feel safe enough to tell you a story. People love to talk about themselves, you just gotta let them. Let deep diving flow naturally, or it will feel awkward. The lack of connection can help explain why she kept testing you about being a player (also a sign of attraction). She likes you, but is nervous because she feels you don't understand her.

Yup I agree, "Tell me a story" I have come to notice gets chicks slightly defensive, because they are placed on the spot to entertain you. I've asked, in the most soothing and genuine tones and it still chaffes. Got to work on my deep diving, I want conversation to come smoothly and naturally.

Do you have a step by step process internalized? Having a next step to go to is always good.

You caught me. I've been pushing off making a solid process for the longest. I'll get down to it tonight.

When you get nervous, take a couple seconds and get it together. And stop talking so much. Instead of talking more, talk less and slower. It calms you down and stops you from fumbling. When you get flustered, go back to the basics. First control your breathing, then your posture, then your eye contact. By going back to the simple things you realize that know what to do (and get small victories along the way).

Perfect. Thank you! I overthought many things. Got to remember to conciously fall back on my fundamentals. Need to turn back on my sexy slow talk again and build that tension.

V, Thank you for those honest and thoughtful observations. Brought things I had neglected to the forefront to practice and hone.
 
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