- Joined
- Nov 12, 2024
- Messages
- 71
I don't get a lot of dates take that for what it's worth. This is just the disclosure part of the post. I have my female fans sometimes, when I am part of a community or have a strong network but mostly I'm living alone now, not connecting very much, in my 40s. It's horrible.. otherwise my life is good. My career is decent, finances good, health good.
Ok now on to the meat of this.
I wanted to post to make one point or describe one idea, whose thought I had this early Saturday morning an hour ago in the kitchen
I'm not saying what's right or wrong. My way doesn't seem to be working. I'm probably depriving people and modern people of what they need but my approach is and has always kinda been..
Reward (women) when they're nice, beautiful, available, feminine, compliant... Avoid them otherwise.
Always meet them half way
Of course it's probably biased by my male mind and projection of what they're looking for but I do think I understand masculinity and femininity and polarity. It doesn't take a game scholar to understand that
Of course I try meet them and anyone half way
It's not necessarily all one can do. One can be more aggressive, more push pull, neg and all that .
Why I do it this way and not another way I think comes from a combination of things.
It seems natural, and self respecting and the Hallmark of a good relationship where a man is in control but not domineering. It's low friction low effort not chasing after people who might not want to be caught, it's more sanity bringing and I'm focused on my work and growth and being. If they don't see that it's their problem. If they don't try it's their loss. If they don't open their heart why should I give mine? I'll be waiting like Howard Roark. Not a pride thing but what's the alternative? Also another reason is that chasing always blew up in my face. Life has been training me in a way or giving me associations.
There's a dance instructor likes me I am instinctively sure - I touch her on the arm. She is sexy and confident in a way but she refuses to meet me half way, expose her heart. She just stays there looking, waiting. I can't do it. She has to be vulnerable or I can't or I almost don't want it. She's a grown adult. This is just one example.
These are my backwards explanation ideas for you. I don't see them as rationalizations because they make sense here and being this way feels natural and smart but yet I don't get results. I don't want to make excuses but that can be for many reasons. I had chances earlier and if I didn't totally miss them or fuck them up being aspie or whatever could and would be in an LTR with children. Also the field, the terrain is different. There is not much community in urban or metro environments. Everything is commoditized and standardized according to new social protocols. I always try to cross these lines by just being, but one still needs a venue, a context. There is so much irony, and I think anxiety.
I'm not a nice guy and never was and I'm very sexual but maybe I don't show enough.. I don't know but here's what I do do which I realized this morning -- when a woman is feminine or opens or something I reward that like positive dog training like that guy talks about. If we're talking about that old social psychology what was it transactional analysis, stroking people. It's what our society has lost, giving people social rewards in an authentic non manipulative way and in the case of male female, in a polarized way..
But it's hard to get the core connectivity with strangers, and women seem harder these days or more rigid, so I may have to evolve but I like just becoming a better person who is always trying to improve, fulfilling a masculine role without changing or chasing. Something's gotta give it I keep at it or it seems like that but it doesn't. We live in a (post industrial) society
I don't think I stressed enough the core concept I wanted to share. I still think it's a powerful one in the right place and sometimes I win with women. Reward good behavior. That's all.. no other method. That can work in different times places and contexts. Maybe if I wasn't so neurodivergent, maybe if I had had half a family or anyone in my corner, or lived in a different city but it makes it seem like I am full of shit have no wisdom don't know what I'm talking about since the lack of results speak for themselves. That's why I gave a disclaimer. That's called honor and honesty.
Also if I really like someone I get a little shy for a kind of reverence I think. I still think I'm acting masculine and am willing to move things forward when she meets me half way or does her role
But now while I'm more established in so many ways in life there's also so much water under the bridge, wounds, disappointments perhaps, things I feel entitled to, angers buried. I don't know if or how they will come out and manifest if someone trusts me. I try to be realistic.. but also true to myself. My objective function is always the same I guess - be the best, get the best. There's never a need to apologize for that but a need for wisdom. Mcfly. Sometimes wisdom maybe loops back and sometimes maybe even a man has to let go of wisdom and let emotion dictate.
Seems like in not just an ideal world but normal world, being and becoming a man (successful, strong smart) as the main thing while also not being a nice guy cuck over rewarder but rewarding when women fall --not into their role because women have always been more naturally fluid than men, but the the role you desire for them, the role that just clicks, ie maintaining male boundaries I guess -- it seems like that should be enough in a standard issue world.
I dunno. It's a curious idea.
But we live in a world I guess of more forces -- strong vectors of guys who "go after it" for good or for ill, well or poorly, and I have to factor that in as well as the breakdown of connectivity
Looking for a path, always a path. A path is personal. I'm not so much looking for insights or even first principles because I have been doing that for 20 plus years.. but looking for a path (that uses those insights), and paths are highly personal.
Maybe not everyone is destined to mate and father children
Ok now on to the meat of this.
I wanted to post to make one point or describe one idea, whose thought I had this early Saturday morning an hour ago in the kitchen
I'm not saying what's right or wrong. My way doesn't seem to be working. I'm probably depriving people and modern people of what they need but my approach is and has always kinda been..
Reward (women) when they're nice, beautiful, available, feminine, compliant... Avoid them otherwise.
Always meet them half way
Of course it's probably biased by my male mind and projection of what they're looking for but I do think I understand masculinity and femininity and polarity. It doesn't take a game scholar to understand that
Of course I try meet them and anyone half way
It's not necessarily all one can do. One can be more aggressive, more push pull, neg and all that .
Why I do it this way and not another way I think comes from a combination of things.
It seems natural, and self respecting and the Hallmark of a good relationship where a man is in control but not domineering. It's low friction low effort not chasing after people who might not want to be caught, it's more sanity bringing and I'm focused on my work and growth and being. If they don't see that it's their problem. If they don't try it's their loss. If they don't open their heart why should I give mine? I'll be waiting like Howard Roark. Not a pride thing but what's the alternative? Also another reason is that chasing always blew up in my face. Life has been training me in a way or giving me associations.
There's a dance instructor likes me I am instinctively sure - I touch her on the arm. She is sexy and confident in a way but she refuses to meet me half way, expose her heart. She just stays there looking, waiting. I can't do it. She has to be vulnerable or I can't or I almost don't want it. She's a grown adult. This is just one example.
These are my backwards explanation ideas for you. I don't see them as rationalizations because they make sense here and being this way feels natural and smart but yet I don't get results. I don't want to make excuses but that can be for many reasons. I had chances earlier and if I didn't totally miss them or fuck them up being aspie or whatever could and would be in an LTR with children. Also the field, the terrain is different. There is not much community in urban or metro environments. Everything is commoditized and standardized according to new social protocols. I always try to cross these lines by just being, but one still needs a venue, a context. There is so much irony, and I think anxiety.
I'm not a nice guy and never was and I'm very sexual but maybe I don't show enough.. I don't know but here's what I do do which I realized this morning -- when a woman is feminine or opens or something I reward that like positive dog training like that guy talks about. If we're talking about that old social psychology what was it transactional analysis, stroking people. It's what our society has lost, giving people social rewards in an authentic non manipulative way and in the case of male female, in a polarized way..
But it's hard to get the core connectivity with strangers, and women seem harder these days or more rigid, so I may have to evolve but I like just becoming a better person who is always trying to improve, fulfilling a masculine role without changing or chasing. Something's gotta give it I keep at it or it seems like that but it doesn't. We live in a (post industrial) society
I don't think I stressed enough the core concept I wanted to share. I still think it's a powerful one in the right place and sometimes I win with women. Reward good behavior. That's all.. no other method. That can work in different times places and contexts. Maybe if I wasn't so neurodivergent, maybe if I had had half a family or anyone in my corner, or lived in a different city but it makes it seem like I am full of shit have no wisdom don't know what I'm talking about since the lack of results speak for themselves. That's why I gave a disclaimer. That's called honor and honesty.
Also if I really like someone I get a little shy for a kind of reverence I think. I still think I'm acting masculine and am willing to move things forward when she meets me half way or does her role
But now while I'm more established in so many ways in life there's also so much water under the bridge, wounds, disappointments perhaps, things I feel entitled to, angers buried. I don't know if or how they will come out and manifest if someone trusts me. I try to be realistic.. but also true to myself. My objective function is always the same I guess - be the best, get the best. There's never a need to apologize for that but a need for wisdom. Mcfly. Sometimes wisdom maybe loops back and sometimes maybe even a man has to let go of wisdom and let emotion dictate.
Seems like in not just an ideal world but normal world, being and becoming a man (successful, strong smart) as the main thing while also not being a nice guy cuck over rewarder but rewarding when women fall --not into their role because women have always been more naturally fluid than men, but the the role you desire for them, the role that just clicks, ie maintaining male boundaries I guess -- it seems like that should be enough in a standard issue world.
I dunno. It's a curious idea.
But we live in a world I guess of more forces -- strong vectors of guys who "go after it" for good or for ill, well or poorly, and I have to factor that in as well as the breakdown of connectivity
Looking for a path, always a path. A path is personal. I'm not so much looking for insights or even first principles because I have been doing that for 20 plus years.. but looking for a path (that uses those insights), and paths are highly personal.
Maybe not everyone is destined to mate and father children
