Post-date followup

[Marty]

Mr. Rob and I were discussing this over text earlier today... basically this is an area where I'm slipping up.

The Girls Chase article is extremely comprehensive but unless I've missed something, there doesn't seem to be an awful lot of material on how to properly follow up after a date ended (successfully). It's hinted at in places, though. In the famous Flirt and Swoon article, Chase suggests sending her a text message (!) the next day to let her know I enjoyed it, which to me feels extremely cold and impersonal. I'm not normally one to doubt any of the site's recommendations, but this is so counter-intuitive I can't even imagine doing it. A text message? Seriously... it seems out-of-character for Chase who normally advocates a relatively warm communication style.

My normal tendency (assuming I kiss the girl—anything less than that on a first date I'm regarding as a lost cause these days) is to telephone one to two days after, and let her know I enjoyed it. For example, after my recent FR+ with BigSister, which was Wednesday night, I phoned Friday lunchtime and for some reason she was unavailable to take the call, so I left a voicemail saying that I liked spending time with her.

The jury is still out on that one however as I haven't heard anything back. Rob pointed out quite correctly that Girls Chase highly recommends having sex with the girl at the end of the first date, which is a good point... but supposing she doesn't want to? For us beginners, maybe we do not have an adequate vibe to arouse her sexual interest so soon, but she is happy to kiss for the time being. It would be hardly gentlemanly to lead her to non-consensual sex, so we are then faced with the question of what to do to ensure a further encounter where she will want sex.

I'm very interested to hear your suggestions.

 

[Thedoctor]

Marty,

In the famous Flirt and Swoon article, Chase suggests sending her a text message (!) the next day to let her know I enjoyed it, which to me feels extremely cold and impersonal. I'm not normally one to doubt any of the site's recommendations, but this is so counter-intuitive I can't even imagine doing it. A text message? Seriously... it seems out-of-character for Chase who normally advocates a relatively warm communication style.

Phone calls can have their time and place, but texting is the new form of communication. I suggest trying it a few times. It may seem impersonal to you, but this really is the way things are done these days, and she might actually find it personal and thoughtful.

Girls Chase highly recommends having sex with the girl at the end of the first date, which is a good point... but supposing she doesn't want to? For us beginners, maybe we do not have an adequate vibe to arouse her sexual interest so soon, but she is happy to kiss for the time being. It would be hardly gentlemanly to lead her to non-consensual sex, so we are then faced with the question of what to do to ensure a further encounter where she will want sex.

This is one where I'll relate to a simple, yet often overlooked, sales tactic: Asking for the sale. As simple as "do you wanna buy my ...." A lot of sales people, when asked, will say "I didn't ask if he wanted to buy, because he just didn't seem interested." Unless the salesperson is a seasoned vet, they probably cannot tell if someone is interested until they ask for the sale. Heck, even seasoned guys are stumped sometimes when completely uninterested people become buyers.

So, what I mean is: did you ask the girl back to your place, or are you simply assuming she doesn't want to? Because until you've asked enough times and gotten enough "yes's" and "no's" you will not have the experience, nor the wisdom to know whether you should wait until the next date.

-John

 

[trashKENNUT]

Marty,

Chase suggests sending her a text message (!) the next day to let her know I enjoyed it, which to me feels extremely cold and impersonal. I'm not normally one to doubt any of the site's recommendations, but this is so counter-intuitive I can't even imagine doing it. A text message? Seriously... it seems out-of-character for Chase who normally advocates a relatively warm communication style.

Sending a text message is relatively good enough. If you happen to date girls who are super busy or girls who have high number counts, this looks less needy. A girl who have high number counts will not feel that you want to court her into a relationship. (which some girls do not want). There's a perception of neediness. Plus, you can always call her on the day later if she is receptive.

My normal tendency (assuming I kiss the girl—anything less than that on a first date I'm regarding as a lost cause these days) is to telephone one to two days after, and let her know I enjoyed it.

Exactly, this is the problem. Kissing or Hugging to a girl and not more than that, is nothing to a girl. (This is how shitty and reality slap you as it is). and when you call her to tell her you enjoy it was a nail in the coffin for you. She will slow things further down.

You should have call her and pretend nothing happen, and set up a next date. You do a date compression.

that Girls Chase highly recommends having sex with the girl at the end of the first date, which is a good point... but supposing she doesn't want to?

This is the whole idea of Male Female dynamics. Men chase sex, Women chase relationships. Women will do whatever it takes to slow things down, even beautiful women. She makes you think she only wants a kiss. (So much for tricking men, and men get lost, Women don't get sex, and then she get angry. Society shoot themselves in the foot)

SO yea try to be as warmth, persistent but not forceful. Get inside her without being too forceful (if that's the way to put it) or do date compression but that itself loses girls sometimes.

In order to prevent "rape", Checkout Chase article on Sex vs. Rape.

Zac

 

[Franco]

Marty,

It would be hardly gentlemanly to lead her to non-consensual sex, so we are then faced with the question of what to do to ensure a further encounter where she will want sex.

There is no way to ensure this, which is part of the reason we recommend guys to get things done on the first date. There are methods that can increase your odds of getting a second date, but if you even HAVE to have a second date, your odds of having sex with her on this second date have gone significantly down.

It's really all about how much she believes that you will man up and fuck her when she puts herself in a vulnerable enough position for you to do so. If she has any doubts about whether or not you're going to seal the deal when the moment is available, then she'll see no reason to find time for another date for you when she has other things (and possibly other men) going on in her life. You'll only get a small window of time to work with, and the longer you stretch it, the lower your odds are of consummating.

I've already said it many times on the forum when it comes to dates, but I'll say it again: she needs to feel like the ONLY reason you two aren't having sex after the date is that she had to resist your advances in doing so. If she's not feeling even relatively close to this being the case, then she's not going to have much to think about with you (such as "what if I DID let him take me home?")

- Franco