Pretentious

[Zoro]

Recently when explaining something nutrition related to my girl she said "Ugh, I hate when you talk like that." I probed her a little and she said I am pretentious all the time. And such a dick/douchebag or something haha.

Nutrition is something I am passionate about and knowledgeable about and I want to help people. A lot goes against the grain of conventional (american) wisdom. I plan on opening my own practice. The problem is, if I am going to be selling my services, no one will want to come to me if I am off putting! I assume this leaks over into other areas of my persona and help my social skills in general

This is a problem I want to deal with. I accept I may have to let go of my ego and learn how to connect and also accept that some people will not want my help. However, I could use some guidance, as I don't know where to start.
I was thinking some books on sales and persuasion aiming for ones that use the powers for good (establishing connections and understanding, rather than manipulation).

I'd say besides the times I talk about nutrition I get along very well with people. I also have a friend who talks about his passion of science all the time and people love it, when I do the same they tune me out!

Any tips?

 

[DANGER!]

Two ships, same travel. The art of poetry indulges me as well, my friend. I understand what you go through. Nutrition is a topic you enjoy as being part of your life. You like to express your knowledge to your social circle/ girlfriend, and they zone you out from time to time. It happens. But why?

The reason you others are zoning you out - is probably because you are making your conversations too much about you. As a skilled conversationalist, you must know how to listen, Listen, LISTEN to the other person and get to know more about them. What they are interested in, and what they like. After they ask you a question, then you can give them advice
"So what do you think I should do about my diet?" okay, here's where you get to show off your knowledge and talk about what you want to talk about. You must naturally weave your personality into others, as opposed to just being that guy that comes from out of nowhere "hey did you know fish contains omega-3 fatty acids? Which is great for lowering blood pressure and blah-blah" Everything you do must be natural. Let it flow into your conversations. You can even naturally use everything you know as seduction. For example, you can look at your girlfriend and just flirt, and relate it to health/nutrition

"Your glutes look so tight, you must be doing your squats right"
"Your stomach is so flat, and sexy - I need to get on YOUR diet"

Or whatever fits your personality. Don't be afraid of being yourself, just make sure you're not boring. Oh and as far as the "I hate when you talk like that" no she doesn't, she loves it. She wouldn't mention it if she didn't. Women tell me they hate it when I speak in verses as well - and then I end up bedding them. And don't worry about her calling you an asshole/jerk. Women LOVE assholes. Take it as a compliment.

And remember, women will test you. Always keep your cool. Always
~DANGER!

 

[Ross]

Preaching about any topic that goes against the conventional train of thought tends to be looked down upon as pretentious and arrogant. To others, it sounds like you're saying, "Everyone else has it wrong, but I have it right, so let me tell you why I have it right!".

However, that way of thought is great for business, because you have something special that others cannot offer; but it's absolutely horrible for normal conversation, because you make the other person feel like you're calling them one of those stupid others that is wrong.

This is a problem I want to deal with. I accept I may have to let go of my ego and learn how to connect and also accept that some people will not want my help

I think the best way to get rid of your ego is to accept that you may be wrong. Especially in the area of nutrition, which contains many hotly contested grey areas. That way you can talk about nutrition if it is conducive to a conversation, but you won't come off as a know-it-all, which people tend to stray from.

And, in the end, like DANGER! noted, most people don't really care a lot about your passions, they care about their passions.

If people probe and question you can give some insight and say that you love learning about nutrition, but most times it's best to leave it at that. And if they do bring up some topic you disagree with, best not to correct them, because you stray further into other territory, whereby they'll take your advice as bad simply because you are one of those others and disregard it.

 

[Zoro]

Great advice guys, thank you.

"Everyone else has it wrong, but I have it right, so let me tell you why I have it right!".

I think this hit it on the head. This is not unlike the structure of how my conversations go.

Also I think its good policy to acknowledge you very well could be wrong about anything. Keeps your mind open and learning and free of judgements.
So thanks for that tip.

 

[Zoro]

After some more conversation with the girl who called me pretentious, she said that I come across like a "bible thumper." Someone who really believes in their message and tries to help those around them be saved by what saved them. This is a really good comparison. I definitely agree that this is probably how I come across.

From what I can tell, people like that are often blinded by whatever saved them, and think this is the only way.

Its funny, I feel like I can understand why and how my methods are a turn off, yet I'm still having a hard time removing myself from them and coming up with a better way to help others.

Perhaps I am in need of a very big change of view.

 

[Lotus]

Instead of preaching try to turning your nutrition conversations into a discussion where you ask questions about why they believe this and why they believe that. Provide your evidence and rebut their claims. Show them why you are right rather then just telling them you are. Involving them will make them more receptive to your opinion rather then blindly running them over with your ideas, even if you are 100% right!!

Another issue you may be running into is creditability. With nutrition and the internet any bumbling idiots can read something and tell you its true. There are 1000s of conflicting ideologies to eating healthy and losing weight. What facts do you have to back yours up? where did you read about it?

As someone who is very interested in the topic I'm sure you have done your research and are credible, but just look at it from the other side of the spectrum. Why should a person believe you over anyone else in the world?

Show them why.

Involved them in the process.

IE- You cannot force someone to believe in god, but with the right approach you can show them the way.

I have been running into the same problem with climate change. It takes a bunch of small battles to win a war. Start small especially on the people close to you and see what happens.

Hypothetical situation :
You have a buddy that drinks a shitload of diet coke.

Buddy: diet coke has less then 1 calorie therefore its not that bad.

Jwick: diet coke is bad its actually just as bad as regular coke.

Start with something small. He thinks because it has less calories it is better.

Jwick: Yes, it does have less calories then regular coke but that's not the whole story. Diet coke is actually made with fake sugar. Because it is chemically made your body has a much harder time breaking it down and using it.

Buddy: oh wow I didn't know that.

Jwick: I know its scary, it has also been shown to increase the likelihood of diabetes XX percent.

You have implanted this small idea in his head(like inception) and now every time he drinks a diet coke he will think about diabetes. And maybe eventually you can get him to stop drinking it entirely

J, I hope you don't give up on spreading the word!

Happy New Year!