Proactively NOT smiling

[Godsninja]

Today I walked around campus literally all day, basically getting rejected by any and all girls I talked to. This usually happens. I feel very unhappy about this, it really pisses me off and I just want to say fuck the world. I get very depressed about this, cynical, pissed off, and can't do anything but think about it. So, I have to push myself to get over it, because if I don't I'm stuck and go further down into the rabbit hole.. but then I get out, and I'm fine. I had the impression you can't be in a bad mood to meet new girls, you have to be in a good mood....

(today) So I get out of the bad mood, and I was happy because I understood. Then I meet someone new, and I'm glad I did, and I'm happy. Then I get rejected again. Every time.

Every

Time

It seems like:

me happy (smiling) = me being rejected

then. me putting time and energy = saving myself from depression

saving myself from depression = me happy (smiling)

and it loops.

So should I drastically cut back on my smiling? I am not trying to smile, it is just what my body does around people when I'm in any kind of good mood...so because of that, I have the feeling that I need to proactivaley put in serious effort to stop smiling altogether, period. It seems like the reason I'm getting rejected. I've never heard or read about this, but seriously, what do you guys think :$

There is nothing else I can think of. This is IT...

Does someone in the Toronto area want to be my wingman? Picking up girls shouldn't be this hard when I put in this much time and effort not only approaching, but reading great material from this site. I don't know for how long I've been working on my game, but lately my returns seem to be nonexistent. At the rate I am currently going, I don't think it will be very hard to not smile, but only because all these rejections just shot my confidence down to zero..

This keeps happening. I seriously feel like I have a very solid understanding of interacting with girls, but I can't ever get anywhere (and thus build real results/success based experiences) because I've just simply never made it that far. I get rejected before anything happens. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy.


THIS IS DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NUTS

 

[Smith]

There's nothing wrong with smiling, but maybe it's the place you're coming from.
Are you doing the 'approval-seeking' smile? Like "hey there, please don't reject me again" smile
Or the sexy 'I'm inviting you on a crazy sexual adventure'' smile?

 

[Godsninja]

I'm not doing any kind of smile, it's just a natural smile.

 

[ray_zorse]

Yeah hey bro if all these rejections are killing your vibe then that's a good part of your problem right there... Outcome independence=you do your thing the best you know how (you eant to give them a banging good time in the sack / a compliment / some other value offering) and if they reject it you don't care it's their loss not yours...

Another way of looking at it is, they didn't reject the product, only the way it was packaged... they literally couldn't see past the packaging (your approach) to see the high value man inside... how could they? Packaging is everything... it's not because they are stupid, they are just going by the available information...

So the question would be how to improve your approach (packaging) to avoid getting rejected... this says nothing about you as a man, it's exactly as if you're appearing in a film and the director says "now can we try it with a little more pathos / a huskier voice / whatever"... you wouldn't get all butthurt right, you'd just try to gollow instructions wouldn't you...

90% likely the poor reference experiences you describe are causing you to expect rejection which comes out in your manner and state... try some affirmations "I am a great looking, high value man... what could be more important to her than having the opportunity to meet such a man?"... as well as the obvious, treat first 3 approaches as practice, hit them hard as soon as you go out, maintain momentum...

But really what you need is some positive reference experiences and you will only get those if you just put your best foot forward and keep approaching, crap inner game or not... guaranteed all will resolve itself with practice

cheers, Ray

 

[ILoveElla]

Today I walked around campus literally all day, basically getting rejected by any and all girls I talked to. This usually happens. I feel very unhappy about this, it really pisses me off and I just want to say fuck the world. I get very depressed about this, cynical, pissed off, and can't do anything but think about it. So, I have to push myself to get over it, because if I don't I'm stuck and go further down into the rabbit hole.. but then I get out, and I'm fine. I had the impression you can't be in a bad mood to meet new girls, you have to be in a good mood....

(today) So I get out of the bad mood, and I was happy because I understood. Then I meet someone new, and I'm glad I did, and I'm happy. Then I get rejected again. Every time.

you sound very young!

 

[Nova]

Today I walked around campus literally all day, basically getting rejected by any and all girls I talked to. This usually happens. I feel very unhappy about this, it really pisses me off and I just want to say fuck the world. I get very depressed about this, cynical, pissed off, and can't do anything but think about it. So, I have to push myself to get over it, because if I don't I'm stuck and go further down into the rabbit hole.. but then I get out, and I'm fine. I had the impression you can't be in a bad mood to meet new girls, you have to be in a good mood....

(today) So I get out of the bad mood, and I was happy because I understood. Then I meet someone new, and I'm glad I did, and I'm happy. Then I get rejected again. Every time.

Every

Time

It seems like:

me happy (smiling) = me being rejected

then. me putting time and energy = saving myself from depression

saving myself from depression = me happy (smiling)

and it loops.

So should I drastically cut back on my smiling? I am not trying to smile, it is just what my body does around people when I'm in any kind of good mood...so because of that, I have the feeling that I need to proactivaley put in serious effort to stop smiling altogether, period. It seems like the reason I'm getting rejected. I've never heard or read about this, but seriously, what do you guys think :$

There is nothing else I can think of. This is IT...

Does someone in the Toronto area want to be my wingman? Picking up girls shouldn't be this hard when I put in this much time and effort not only approaching, but reading great material from this site. I don't know for how long I've been working on my game, but lately my returns seem to be nonexistent. At the rate I am currently going, I don't think it will be very hard to not smile, but only because all these rejections just shot my confidence down to zero..

This keeps happening. I seriously feel like I have a very solid understanding of interacting with girls, but I can't ever get anywhere (and thus build real results/success based experiences) because I've just simply never made it that far. I get rejected before anything happens. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy.


THIS IS DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NUTS

So you can't think of any other possible reason as to why you are being rejected so frequently other than the fact that you smile? Are you absolutely sure that it doesn't have anything to do with you having a terrible posture, creepy eye contact, a squeaky voice, terrible fashion, an overweight body, an ineffective opening strategy, poor hygiene, an off-putting demeanour, bad reputation, and a host of other potential areas of concern. What makes you so quick to blame your smile for your terrible results? Do you really think you would do better walking around with a long face? Are you totally perfect in all other areas that the only remaining possibility that could explain your failures is your smile?

You say you have a very solid understanding of how to interact with girls, but perhaps you don't have such a solid understanding as you believe?

 

[Godsninja]

What makes you so quick to blame your smile for your terrible results? Do you really think you would do better walking around with a long face? Are you totally perfect in all other areas that the only remaining possibility that could explain your failures is your smile?

You say you have a very solid understanding of how to interact with girls, but perhaps you don't have such a solid understanding as you believe?

I don't mean look sad, or angry, just, serious. I don't think girls take me seriously at all when I smile. This is just what seems to be true for me.

I don't think I'm totally perfect in all other areas, but I've pushed myself to approach enough girls, I'm way more self aware than I used to be. Also the factor that it's not most girls lately, its all of them. I don't have a standard strategy, or a structure, (that's not to say I don't think about what and how I should go about doing something, like approach) it's not my style because it makes me nervous and feel like I'm not being real, and true to her or myself (over-think). I just do what I feel, how I feel, as natural as possible, while still pushing my comfort zone.

I'm sure my approach could use more work, my conversation skills could be better, and I could be more sexy, but I'm already aware of these things and am working on them by always pushing myself to meet new people. My smile on the other hand, is something that comes out subconsciously, and it's probably way too friendly. But I'm not trying to smile, it's just that I'm in a good mood, and subconsciously, it does come out. After all, we are all constantly being told that is a GREAT thing to smile.

edit: I didn't address your earlier questions because for the most part, they aren't a problem for me. e.g. I'm athletic, and most people consider me good looking.

 

[Godsninja]

I have no idea whether you're right about Toronto being a more difficult area to get girls in, I think it's all relative though... I mean, unless your in Los Angeles.

As for anticipating rejection, that's not exactly what I was pointing at healthstar, but I guess we can just leave it at that since it could be something subconscious, and if it is, I am aware of what that means, so yea, it could be that that's the core issue..

As for the original topic of smiling...this is one of those things I don't think many people, if any, have any common ground in, so other than those words of advice, guess I'll have to take my own on this issue.

 

[Anonymous]

Have you read the articles on smiling? Go read them.

Perhaps finding someone who can comment on the efficacy of your smiling, and the apparent effects it has may be helpful. It would be good to find examples, even if they are from movies, of exemplary body language and facial expressiveness.

Ask female friends for their input. Honest input. Ask them how you come off, based on your body language. Gauge yourself in the mirror. If you really feel that your nonverbals are throwing off your approach, get feedback and correct it. Conversely, getting into the right state of mind and emotional state will do much to correct bad body language and the transfer of emotions from your mind to your face.

Many of the muscles that control your facial expressions are involuntary and reflective of your internal state. That is why it is so important to remain relaxed and loose. If you're nervous and your energy is negative, then it will be written across your face. And even if your natural impulse is to smile… it will come across as a nervous smile, as if forced, and you will inadvertently be transferring negative, uneasy emotions to these women and turn them off. Be aware of your emotions and work on controlling them in your favor.

 

[DLegend]

Godsninja,

I wish I was like you. Girls like me, they show it in all ways possible, and I'm not able to approach. I wish I was like you in the sense that girls reject me, but I'll get made over it and approach more girls, because sooner or later you'll start getting girls falling for you. As for me, if I don't change this, I'll be stuck with girls liking me, but me not being able to approach. Embrace it, and keep approaching dude, cus when you think you're stuck then keep with it. When you think you're stuck and not improving, if you keep with it you'll see the biggest spike in improvement!

So keep getting rejected, and embrace it. It's all part of the journey