Problems with general socialising

[Sky]

Hi guys,

So I'm been trying to improve my socializing ability/conversational ability for some time now. However, I still find it hard to connect with people or get people to reciprocate in a conversation. Though I do have my moments where there is great chemistry but most of the time, it falls short when I attempt to deep dive.

Me: Hi hows it going? It's been awhile ay?

Girl: Yeah hows it going Sky!

Me: Yeah I'm doing good, I saw you were at this party last night through Instagram. It looked amazing, you didn't get too drunk ay?

Girl: Oh my god, ( usually goes on a tangent for a minute or two )

Me: (I attempt to deep dive here about their experiences and stuff)

Girl: (Cuts me off) Sees some other friends and greets them or the other friends sees her and interrupts and pushes me out of the bubble.

Just like a typical example... and I can't get my head around it why this happens so frequently. I also try to use situational/observational openers but its either a hit or a miss.

On the other hand, I have a very extroverted social friend that seems to get along with everyone fine. What I noticed from his conversation is that he always makes a comment about something that instantly grabs people's attention (kind of like a situational opener). He seems to be very good at this, both we people he knows and people he just met. Every time I see him doing it, it's like magic.

 

[ulrich]

Are you doing deep dives at social events/parties?

I Was doing that for a long time and having similar results. Perhaps that is the issue.

I found out that deep diving doesn’t work very well in environments where you are supposed to be socializing unless you isolate the girl.
If you are in a social setting, better keep the conversation shallow but upbeat.

 

[Sky]

Are you doing deep dives at social events/parties?

I Was doing that for a long time and having similar results. Perhaps that is the issue.

I found out that deep diving doesn’t work very well in environments where you are supposed to be socializing unless you isolate the girl.
If you are in a social setting, better keep the conversation shallow but upbeat.

Yes, you're exactly right. I feel like in a social setting, it feels more like a burden/try hard in a social setting. What are your suggestions to keep the conversation "shallow and upbeat"? Like commenting on their fashion? Cracking jokes here and there?

 

[Train]

Are you doing deep dives at social events/parties?

I Was doing that for a long time and having similar results. Perhaps that is the issue.

I found out that deep diving doesn’t work very well in environments where you are supposed to be socializing unless you isolate the girl.
If you are in a social setting, better keep the conversation shallow but upbeat.

I can attest to this. I've had people disengaged in a party atmosphere when I tried to connect or deep dive. They were looking for less deep stimulation and more fun.

I'd say match the energy of the venue or event. Calibration, basically. People go to different venues/events for different things. So how you would act in a club is not how you would act in a library.

Let the atmosphere dictate your interactions. Like music. If the song is a ballad, slow dance If a fist-pumper comes up, throw those hands up.

What's helped me is momentum in high-energy environments. After a while of socializing, it's like charisma oozes out of me. It's called "state" in PUA circles. You can experience the same. I'd read up GirlsChase articles on it. I'm sure there's articles on it.

Put in the practice, take time to process what works and what doesn't, practice again, and so on.

It's like a maze. You know which route to take based on previous experience. Ex. "Oh, don't bring up dead relatives at a house party. Check." Or "These people are looking bored. Let me change the topic to something more fun."

Take advice here and there, but the key is practice and critical thinking. Practice without critical thinking is spinning your wheels. Same for critical thinking. I think Chase said something like "Work hard AND smart."

I know the advice here seems vague and general, but I think having a high-level approach helps. If you want pointers, I'm sure GirlsChase has plenty of material.

 

[Toby2030]

The difference between you and your friend is that he's giving value, where you are taking value. Either match or increase the energy of the set you are opening, and instead of asking questions you should start out with statements. Always think to yourself - are you taking something from the girl or am I giving. I would also not transition into deep diving before I have hooked her into the conversation.

Deep diving works fine in night game as well with high energy. Of course you can't do as much as you do in day game and the execution is just a little different. You also don't need as much deep diving in night game as you would on dates. Instead of going straight into a deep conversation, you should use your hoops to transition into deep diving, and then fractionate out towards another topic before the energy dies afterwards

 

[ulrich]

Yes, you're exactly right. I feel like in a social setting, it feels more like a burden/try hard in a social setting. What are your suggestions to keep the conversation "shallow and upbeat"? Like commenting on their fashion? Cracking jokes here and there?

@Train pretty much explained it right.
I will add my take on this but this is meant to complement his post.

In my experience, parties and social gatherings have phases.
The first phase which is 80-85% of the party is people socializing and meeting each other.
Women use this time to grow their networks, identify the attractive males and testing the field.
If you get a girl into a deep conversation at this phase, you are stopping her from doing all the above things and, unless you are her Prince Charming, she is going to have to throw you under the bus because you are stealing her chances to show/grow her value.

What you have to do is being very social.
Open a lot of people, start conversations, rise their buying temperature and get them to hook... then casually eject.
Talk about funny/crazy stories... how drunk everyone is... exciting stuff. Nothing deep or serious.
Spend 10-15 minutes with any new girl and then eject.
As the party goes on, go back and forth with the people/girls you enjoy talking to. Open several threads but never close them. This gives you an excuse to reopen whenever you want.

Once you feel that the party starts to die (people talking serious stuff, private conversations start to happen around you...), then you can go and start deep diving.
But this is at the end of the party. Not the start.
You should be growing your network/options most of the party and capitalizing at the end.