Provider or a Lover...why not both?

[daviddreamer]

Is it possible to establish yourself as both a lover and a provider? Reason I am asking is because I am engaged and getting married soon and I am about to hit the epitome of provider but I still feel and carry myself as a lover? (just to her though obviously)

 

[Richard]

David,

You can be both - and relationships, we teach, are best to start by being a lover first and then working in provider values.

You become a lover so that women know that you will leave them if they don't provide sex, compliance, etc.

A relationship ( a love relationship) will not thrive without you also being a provider, though the difference is you don't provide objects in exchange for sex --- which is how the provider acquires sex.

Basically, by starting as a lover you teach her to understand that she has to give you sex in order for you to stay with her. By introducing provider features as well: you're showing her that you care about her for more than sex but not providing things in exchange for sex.

Best of both worlds - and it's no coincidence that some of the best relationships start off as a FWB one

-Richard

 

[Ross]

You CAN be all 3. You should aim to be all 3. That's what women want, after all - a man who is able to satisfy all of her needs.

Like Zphix said, you must become a lover first because it holds short-term value, where as friends and providers hold long-term value. If you go around offering friend/provider value, she'll forsake the short-term value in order to preserve the friendship.

Once you've firmly established that you're a lover, you can gradually reveal value of being a great provider and a great friend and allow the long-term value to develop naturally, as a result of your actions over time rather than being slotted into a category right off the bat.

 

[daviddreamer]

Thanks for the responses fellas.