FR Pulling home without “my place”: really best approach?

[lux7]

The main question is if it’s really the best option not to clearly tell the woman you’re going back to your place.

I was at this street gay parade and met this older woman whose friend had just left.
I ask her if she’s lesbian, she asks me if I’m homo and at that point.. there seemed to be an understanding we can enjoy each other’s company.

DANCE FLOOR
10 mins later though it’s already last song time. She wanted to leave but I (very easily) convince her to stay. “just one drink” she says.
I agree and start walking towards my place.
As we start walking they play another last song, and as she starts dancing on the sidewalk I tell her to go back to the dance floor.
My aim is to make sure this is going to be sexual, so I dance very close, touch her belly, grope her ass.. Nothing too crazy, but obviously sexual. She stops me at times but overall all good.

PULL
As we restart walking towards my place she wants to stop at each bar but I always say to keep walking to “a better place”.
She asks if we’re going to my place and I never say no (and neither yes), though at a certain point I say “I have great vodka, let’s go”.
It’s a 15 mins walk and it’s pain in the ass, she wants to stop at each bar on the way, shes stops 3-4 times and a couple of times even starts to walk back.
She asks why did I go talk to her and how old I am (it’s clear I’m younger).
Sometimes I keep an arm around her waist, sometimes slightly caress her ass and touch her hair.

IN FRONT OF MY PLACE
Once in front of my place her faces changes completely and she gets angry that I “lied to her”.
She would go to a guy's place, but only after we met 2-3 times.
I don’t handle it too well here, but neither do I freak out. I say “it’s just one drink and then you go”, but she’s really upset.

She starts walking away, I walk a bit after her and stop at street post telling her to at least finish the cigarette she was smoking. She comes back a few steps, complains again, hovers around 20-30 secs and then says she’s going and start walking away.
I decide not to walk after her again.

POSSIBLE MISTAKES
The only things I can think of are :
1. too little time spent together (but she wanted to leave and had to wake up early and I didn't wanna spend too much time wither her anyway) ;
2. Not sexually obvious enough (yet more than touching belly and ass and having my arm around her on the walk back.. What else?) ;
3. I should have said "we're going to my place" to make it 100% clear

 

[ray_zorse]

Re: FR - Pulling home without saying “my place” : is it really the best approach

Basically you did the right thing I would say, congratulations on getting as far as you did, the pull is always the riskiest part of the whole endeavour as it's a big state change, also the anticipation builds as you wall, her emotions crest... logical brain kicks in, and she can and does bail at any time. You really can't do anything about this except try your best.

I think the issues here mainly centred around timing and confidence. Firstly, the best time to pull is before the music stops and lights go up -- then she feels she is choosing to be with you, rather than that she'd rather be clubbing and you are the next best option. Secondly, going back for one last song was really weak and I think not only cemented the idea that she wasn't choosing to be with you but rather you were looking for entertainment together. I'd say she was hot to trot before that, excited and anticipating being taken home and fucked, but then thought "hey -- maybe he's not the dominant guy I thought he was" -- and then proceeded to test you harder, every time you went past a bar wanting to stop.

Congrats on getting past those objections, the fact she came with you indicates she was still giving you a small chance, but you would really have to earn it... blowing up like that was a test as to whether you would act embarrassed at having "lied" to her, and I'd say that is how you felt, so something in your body language, words, or behaviour might have given it away... right approach would be to laugh hard and say "you're so cute when you're angry" and pull her into the foyer. You might get further resistance in which case tou can also try a hard push "well, we're here now, there's alcohol upstairs and the night is getting older, you do understand I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with -- let's go" and pull her into the lift etc. Just never respond on the "lying" issue, as justifying yourself = caving to her frame.

Anyway, changing her mind and cutting up rough with any old excuse (such as that you "lied" to her) is missed window behaviour, and I'll bet the missed window occurred when you went back to club for last track. She generally doesn't give any indication you missed a window (that'd be the same as admitting she wanted to be taken home and fucked), but will act as if everything is fine, yet start throwing massive roadblocks in your path (they'll also say things like "let's hang out again soon" -- bullshit, fobbing you off with promises -- or "I never saw you like that" -- also bullshit, rewriting the past to suit their new emotional state).

Having gained this reference point I am sure your pull will be even smoother and more dominant next time. Consider her actions, not her words -- you got her to the door of your buildung -- just a little further and it's bangtown baby. Well done my brother. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Ray