Pulling: How do you know when to stop persisting? Objections caused by mistake?

[The Byronic Man]

1. How do you know when to stop persisting? I think tonight, I may have been crossed a line because she told me to stop being so pushy. Rather than cross that line, which is already too late, how do I know when persistence won't work?

2. Is it possible to not have any objections if your game is perfect? Or should we still expect objections simply because she needs plausible deniability?

 

[The Byronic Man]

Re: Pulling: How do you know when to stop persisting? Objections caused by mista

Just exchanged these text messages with a girl where she told me I was too pushy with my persistence:

ME: Hey [name omitted]. I had a great time with you last night. Wishing I'm at home right now watching "Cops." Sorry if I was pushy. I get excited about DJing. If I'm not a gentleman next time, you have permission to kick me in the shins!

HER: Yeah, that kind of put a bad taste in my mouth. I didn't really feel a connection, sorry-

ME: Yeah, got no excuse. I was a jerk.

This is officially a sticking point for me now. I think I may be too aggressive. Never thought I would say that. I'm thinking I need to be more gentlemanly with my persistence and I need to learn when to stop. Maybe I shouldn't even go for the pull if she's not giving out the right signs.

I think I need to focus on not making her think I'm only interested in her for sex. That may be why women are going cold when I get too pushy when I fail to pull her.

 

[PinotNoir]

Re: Pulling: How do you know when to stop persisting? Objections caused by mista

AsianPersuasian had a similar post on this. One of the things discussed that really stuck out to me:

You kiss a girl and then pull back. Or, you kiss a girl and maintain your position, while she falls back a bit.

It lets her know that she can escape -- that she has an escape, and that you're not forcing. When I began going faster with women and kissing sooner, I didn't even realize I was doing this, but I did. It was just subconscious to me, and I never had a girl say that I was too aggressive after I forced my way to kiss them or forced my hands around them.

Another trick is that after you kiss for a bit, then you fall back and tell her to kiss you. Then she has to come to you. Also, placing her hands on your body helps. Even though you are forcing her hands, it feels more like she is exploring you and getting to know you -- she feels like the one being aggressive.

Lastly, I think physical push-pull is important. You push physically and then pull back and stop. Then you start again, stop again, and so on. Most guys push aggressively all at once thinking that they only have 30 min until closing time, when you may actually have many hours.

You may have also not set proper frames before entering the bedroom, or set wrong frames. For example, it appears to me that she was putting you in the boyfriend role, so then the aggressiveness does not fit with the role that she assigned to you. You're not acting like a boyfriend to her. So, instead, you need to set a proper sexual frame about yourself and a proper not-boyfriend-material frame prior to the bedroom.

 

[The Byronic Man]

Re: Pulling: How do you know when to stop persisting? Objections caused by mista

Hey PinotNoir, thanks for your insight. I think we may be on the wrong page though. I'm having issues with pulling, not kissing.

 

[Marty]

Re: Pulling: How do you know when to stop persisting? Objections caused by mista

Hey Byron,

I'm figuring you're talking about going back somewhere private together so you can make out, escalate, get intimate etc.

Not sure if she's always gonna be interested in seeing your disks... to be brutally honest, I know it's a hobby of yours but people have different interests. Maybe try this:

Are there a lot of people in San Diego from out of town? I'd imagine so. You could ask during the course of the evening whether she has at home any of her own photos of her home town, or perhaps a coffee-table book with illustrations of it. Showing interest in her, you see. Then change the subject.

Then when the time comes, ask if you can see it. Tell her not to bring it next time, you want to see it now in the privacy and comfort of her home. Keep it casual and offhand to avoid spooking her with a nervous vibe. Then proceed as per usual ;-)

-Marty

 

[The Byronic Man]

Re: Pulling: How do you know when to stop persisting? Objections caused by mista

That's great, Marty! What if she grew up in San Diego? Also, most of the time, my place is closer.

I know Chase likes to use the nightcap excuse, but I've tried it and I don't like it because I get the feeling women may think I'm trying to get them drunk. Plus, I usually meet girls for drinks, and they'd ask why do you want to drink more? I could make my first dates coffee, but they'll always be times where we end up drinking alcohol as well, so I need a more universal fallback excuse. I've been winging it, but it's been hit or miss. I think something I can fall back on would help in times when I can't think of something situational.

 

[Marty]

Re: Pulling: How do you know when to stop persisting? Objections caused by mista

What if she grew up in San Diego? Also, most of the time, my place is closer.

Personally I would generally arrange it such that her place is actually closer (unless you happen to live downtown near all the good venues) and find something of interest that she can show you, in the course of the conversation, because something she's genuinely passionate about is likely to be a better pretext (from the man's perspective) than something he's passionate about. You're expressing a flattering interest in her hobby, possessions, affairs etc.

Not that my preference is necessarily helpful for you, but at least it'll bump an interesting post