Puzzled by Women's (negative) reactions towards me

[ForeignGuy]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the board, and would like to present my personal problem regarding the initial reaction I get from women, in the hope that you guys might be able to help.

Before I go into it though, I'd quickly like to introduce myself: I'm a European guy, in my early- to mid-thirties. Definitely a 'late-bloomer' when it comes to women and relationships, and frankly, not doing particularly well with them. Of course, I would very much like to change this, hence I found this forum and signed up for it. (Well, this is not to say I have 'no' success at all with women. Just not the kind of success I'd like.)

At this point I'd like to mention, I think this is one fantastic site/blog and forum !!! Definitely the best advice I've found on the net so far, and I have been searching for a while. Almost every blog-post I read on here is like a revelation to me, at least in part, and makes perfect sense (when I think about it), and they help me realize where and why I have gone wrong in the past. Really really good stuff, guys !! I can't thank you enough for sharing your expertise and experience like this !!

Ok, before I go into my issue, I'd like to stress that I really do not want to be negative, or spread negativity, in any way !! Just saying this in advance, because I'm simply at a loss about this issue, and frankly, it causes myself a lot of grief and resentment, that I'm having to deal with, so I might sound more bitter than I intend to.

So, here's the problem, finally: ..Just like all of you here, I'm very attracted to women, and would love to be quite successful with them, especially the ones I fancy the most.(Who aren't neccessarily the ones that 'everyone' would consider the most desirable.) Like any healthy guy, I instinctively look up in the direction of women I find attractive at first sight. Probably even instinctively/unconsciously moving towards them. - And here, already, I have my problem !! ..In, like, 90% of all initial encounters with women 'out there' who range from remotely attractive to hot (-perhaps I should add: on my personal 'scale') these women seem already turned off by me, the second I try to look at them. ..perhaps, also trying to smile; but often I don't even get that far. ..And it's especially the ones I instinctively find truly attractive. Basically the ones I want. ...I don't neccessarily get like 'disgusted' reactions from them (..as I've witnessed some poor guys getting from women..) but they give me the typical 'looking down or away, or, eyes glazing over, ignoring me, failing to notice my presence (or pretending to do so), not responding to me'-sort of treatment. The sort of behaviour we all instinctively know spells 'zero interest'. Especially when they're anything close to a "7" or up on a 'hotness-scale' that most guys could agree on. But even girls/women I would like to think are well within my 'league' seem to have little to no interest in me. ..Only women whom I personally find entirely unattractive seem to ever be interested in me (..and make no secret of their attraction..).
Why is this ?? I truly wonder..

To give an example of this: I've just come back from a stationery shop. The girl behind the counter seemed to be in her mid-twenties, quite cute, but I could also see she didn't make too much of an effort about herself today (hair looking a bit unkempt, and so on). Anyway.. I was the only person in the shop, the mall around it, too, was nearly empty, it was quiet. I went up to the counter to pay, tried looking at her and just give a friendly smile (no further intentions on my part). She, however, just would not look up at me the entire time, remained stone-faced throughout, and didn't even return a 'bye' after I said so. - And I get this sort of behaviour from women so much !! ....the shop was totally empty, there was nothing of particular interest around there otherwise at that time, and here I was, a 'live' guy, right in front of her, and yet she feels she can just ignore me like that.... -- ok, not wanting to rant and complain here, but this recurring phenomenon does make me quite bitter, sad, depressed, puzzled, and quite frankly, leads me (personally) dangerously near towards becoming resentful of women. (which I do not want !!)

Now, one might think: he must be just butt-ugly then, and/or a total creep. ...Well, I admit I'm not a 'looker', but I'm also sure that I'm not ugly or repulsive by any means. Going by ratings on sites like p.o.f., etc. I think women in general would put me up to be between 6 and 6.5 on an attractiveness-scale of 1-10. And it is my personal standard to treat people, -everyone-, with respect and a degree of amicability. I am also socially quite aware and really try not to stare, be creepy or anything of the sort. Yet I feel like there must be a sign tattoed onto my forehead telling attractive women to steer clear of me at all costs... I don't even get to first base. I don't come near to even have the chance to try and implement any of this site's brilliant advice. And I'm really at a loss as to why it can be as bad as it is... - and, well, again not wanting to complain, but I'll just say that every time I get this sort of a response from an attractive woman, it surely doesn't make me feel good.

Well, apologies for the length of this, and in case this is vergeing on 'too negative' for this forum. Spreading negativity is not at all my intention ! I'm only looking to improve ! ...I've probably also exposed myself as the novice I am in the art of seducing women throughout my post. Oh well..
If there is anything you guys can say, any thoughts, feelings, suggestions, regarding my issue, I would be very glad to read them !!

Thanks very much in advance, and have a good day everyone !

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hey ForeignGuy,

Welcome to the board.

IT seems like you are confused by the reactions of what women have given you, and lately you have not have the success with women you desire, and find yourself lost in the mix of information.

I shall drop some few links for you, this articles will help you improve and help the issues you facing with.

Like any healthy guy, I instinctively look up in the direction of women I find attractive at first sight. Probably even instinctively/unconsciously moving towards them. - And here, already, I have my problem !! ..In, like, 90% of all initial encounters with women 'out there' who range from remotely attractive to hot (-perhaps I should add: on my personal 'scale') these women seem already turned off by me, the second I try to look at them. ..perhaps, also trying to smile; but often I don't even get that far. ..And it's especially the ones I instinctively find truly attractive.

This can be a lot of things. Some girls might find you completely ridiculous. Some girls might find you desirable. You turn them off by

1) Being creepy
2) Projecting a needy vibe
3) Body Language
4) Your smile
5) The way you dress, your facial hairstyle
6) The way you walk

You might want to reevaluate this points, take note, and improvise.

To give an example of this: I've just come back from a stationery shop. The girl behind the counter seemed to be in her mid-twenties, quite cute, but I could also see she didn't make too much of an effort about herself today (hair looking a bit unkempt, and so on). Anyway.. I was the only person in the shop, the mall around it, too, was nearly empty, it was quiet. I went up to the counter to pay, tried looking at her and just give a friendly smile (no further intentions on my part). She, however, just would not look up at me the entire time, remained stone-faced throughout, and didn't even return a 'bye' after I said so. - And I get this sort of behaviour from women so much !! ....the shop was totally empty, there was nothing of particular interest around there otherwise at that time, and here I was, a 'live' guy, right in front of her, and yet she feels she can just ignore me like that.... -- ok, not wanting to rant and complain here, but this recurring phenomenon does make me quite bitter, sad, depressed, puzzled, and quite frankly, leads me (personally) dangerously near towards becoming resentful of women. (which I do not want !!)

You would not want to be Outcome-dependence on One girl here. Maybe she was rude that you the customer and she didn't say or look at you. However, that's not the point. She just might be tired from work. Sales is tough, boring sometimes, especially retail sales and Food n Beverage industry.

Now, one might think: he must be just butt-ugly then, and/or a total creep. ...Well, I admit I'm not a 'looker', but I'm also sure that I'm not ugly or repulsive by any means. Going by ratings on sites like p.o.f., etc. I think women in general would put me up to be between 6 and 6.5 on an attractiveness-scale of 1-10. And it is my personal standard to treat people, -everyone-, with respect and a degree of amicability. I am also socially quite aware and really try not to stare, be creepy or anything of the sort. Yet I feel like there must be a sign tattoed onto my forehead telling attractive women to steer clear of me at all costs... I don't even get to first base. I don't come near to even have the chance to try and implement any of this site's brilliant advice. And I'm really at a loss as to why it can be as bad as it is... - and, well, again not wanting to complain, but I'll just say that every time I get this sort of a response from an attractive woman, it surely doesn't make me feel good.

Everyone has a chance to meet women generally. It's also advisable to treat people, everyone, with respect and a degree of amicability. A valuable trait. Anyway i think your problem here is mostly your fundamentals. I give you a few 'heads up' and see your have improvements from there.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/stillness
https://www.girlschase.com/content/smile-warmly-smile-sexy
https://www.girlschase.com/content/turn-offs-women-what-not-do
https://www.girlschase.com/content/non-supplication-why-working-impress-women-doesnt-work
https://www.girlschase.com/content/understanding-women-its-not-hard-you-think

This are a few to get started.

And nah, you not negative here, Just need to get your fundamentals correct. ,
Zac

 

[ForeignGuy]

Cheers for the welcome, Zac, and for pointing me in the right direction !

..just from skimming over the articles you linked, I can already tell I haven't got my fundamentals sorted. So they'll be something to tackle next !

The suggestion that this store clerk might have just been tired and been generally functioning on 'auto-pilot' seems very true as well. ..Maybe she's just as affected by this constant darkness we're currently surrounded by, where I live, as me. And admittedly, I didn't exactly smile at her seductively, or do anything special that would snap her out of 'auto pilot retail'-mode.
Again, I don't think I'm an ugly guy, and believe I've got my facial hair- and hair-style sorted, but my clothes style isn't always spectacular or super-trendy. So, maybe another area to tackle.
I think it will probably be a combination of all kinds of things.

Anyway, cheers for your input !

 

[Garrett]

Cheers for the welcome, Zac, and for pointing me in the right direction !

..just from skimming over the articles you linked, I can already tell I haven't got my fundamentals sorted. So they'll be something to tackle next !

The suggestion that this store clerk might have just been tired and been generally functioning on 'auto-pilot' seems very true as well. ..Maybe she's just as affected by this constant darkness we're currently surrounded by, where I live, as me. And admittedly, I didn't exactly smile at her seductively, or do anything special that would snap her out of 'auto pilot retail'-mode.
Again, I don't think I'm an ugly guy, and believe I've got my facial hair- and hair-style sorted, but my clothes style isn't always spectacular or super-trendy. So, maybe another area to tackle.
I think it will probably be a combination of all kinds of things.

Anyway, cheers for your input !

ForeignGuy,

European? Me too! By the way, welcome to the boards my friend .

Zac basically covered you on everything, now if you could post a picture of yourself somehow it would be easier to pinpoint where the issue is. Like Zac said though, it could definitely be your vibe. Maybe you're intimidating? Needy? You could ask girls you know what they think of you and perhaps that can help. Don't take dating advice from girls, but what I do is when I go shopping, I'll occasionally bring a girl who knows style/I trust and she can help pick out some outfits that will keep me looking sharp .

By the way, you aren't coming off as negative to me, many of us have been where you are now, and it's really frustrating! Once you truly give in to what the website teaches you'll really gain a solid grasp of what works, why it works, and how to apply it.

If you want, you can message me a pic of you and I'll tell you what you can improve on. I've studied fashion for a few years now so I feel I could be of some assistance, especially in that department.

Cheers,
Garret

 

[Flames]

I think the others are right in that your fundamentals are off, maybe you style, posture and those kind I things too (that's a hard thing to judge).

But also I feel that maybe on the inside that your possibly

1) Looking for the wrong things for which I'd suggest reading up on body language, signs she's into you and things like that.

2) Interpreting things wrong as well, as in your perspective is skewed into thinking its all about you. People in general have their own things going on and sometimes a girl is just on a bad mood, or unreceptive mood, or tired, or hungover etc etc. You say it happens a lot but that's probably because that's what your focussing on looking for. I've got this perspective excercise I do and I was going to post it but it might be considered a bit 'out there'. But basically try for a week just looking for signs that a girl may be attracted to you, and ignore any other signs. If you see any negative signs assume your wrong and carry on as if they were positive signs.

The brain processes sub-conciously things you don't even realise and then 'lets you know' the things that need further consideration for some reason (and that reason doesn't matter) your conscious has been focused on the negative interactions with women.

Hope that helps and it makes sense

 

[trashKENNUT]

Btw, wear a new cologne. Test out on a few products, the smell and look for reviews online and also ask people, just generally what perfume or cologne they use, just to attract more girls.

They like their men who smell good.

P.s (Don't overspend too much on a cologne)
Zac

 

[ForeignGuy]

ForeignGuy,

European? Me too! By the way, welcome to the boards my friend .

Zac basically covered you on everything, now if you could post a picture of yourself somehow it would be easier to pinpoint where the issue is. Like Zac said though, it could definitely be your vibe. Maybe you're intimidating? Needy? You could ask girls you know what they think of you and perhaps that can help. Don't take dating advice from girls, but what I do is when I go shopping, I'll occasionally bring a girl who knows style/I trust and she can help pick out some outfits that will keep me looking sharp .

By the way, you aren't coming off as negative to me, many of us have been where you are now, and it's really frustrating! Once you truly give in to what the website teaches you'll really gain a solid grasp of what works, why it works, and how to apply it.

If you want, you can message me a pic of you and I'll tell you what you can improve on. I've studied fashion for a few years now so I feel I could be of some assistance, especially in that department.

Cheers,
Garret

Hi Garrett,

Cheers for the welcome, fella !

First of all, thanks for your offer of wanting to give me some feedback about my style. ..Right now, I'm quite aware that I'd do good to 'upgrade' my style somewhat, so I made that pretty much a top-priority for the moment, with the current 'winter-sales' being on, and all. I'm quite avidly learning about fashion and am having quite a few ideas, but once I'm 'there', I think I'd gladly take up your offer and send you a pic to evaluate my style then, and see if there are any improvements to make. ...right now I'm kind of 'itching' to try a few things out myself, though..

If I actually think about the vibe I might be giving off and honestly try to evaluate it, I would guess that if anything I might come across to women as: a bit aloof, a bit anxious, 'too' friendly, perhaps even a bit high-strung, and shy. ..those are more the issues I'm dealing with. I don't think I'd come across as intimidating to women. Maybe 'needy' might be an issue... (after all, I'm kind of burning to be with a lovely girl.. surely that will show somehow...)

I'm generally shy with people, and an introverted type of guy. ..that's my natural disposition, and to try and pretend I love being very social or am outgoing just won't work. Believe me I've tried that for over a decade without success. I just don't have it in me. ..But I like all types of female personalities, as long as they're nice people. But I feel I'm overlooked a lot by women, because I might seem too unassuming. ..oh well.

By the way, this website's content is simply brilliant ! I've said that before, but it really is chock-full of super-helpful information I was hardly aware of. Plenty of things to experiment with for me !

Cheers,
F.G.

 

[ForeignGuy]

I think the others are right in that your fundamentals are off, maybe you style, posture and those kind I things too (that's a hard thing to judge).

But also I feel that maybe on the inside that your possibly

1) Looking for the wrong things for which I'd suggest reading up on body language, signs she's into you and things like that.

2) Interpreting things wrong as well, as in your perspective is skewed into thinking its all about you. People in general have their own things going on and sometimes a girl is just on a bad mood, or unreceptive mood, or tired, or hungover etc etc. You say it happens a lot but that's probably because that's what your focussing on looking for. I've got this perspective excercise I do and I was going to post it but it might be considered a bit 'out there'. But basically try for a week just looking for signs that a girl may be attracted to you, and ignore any other signs. If you see any negative signs assume your wrong and carry on as if they were positive signs.

The brain processes sub-conciously things you don't even realise and then 'lets you know' the things that need further consideration for some reason (and that reason doesn't matter) your conscious has been focused on the negative interactions with women.

Hope that helps and it makes sense

Cheers for your thoughts, Flames.

The fundamentals are definitely something to look at for me.

Now, regarding the first point you made: I've read up a fair bit on body language over the years (-too much, maybe ?! -), and I'm quite talented in picking out the signs that signal that a woman isn't interested in me, at which point, quite frankly, I 'hang my head' and give up, feeling that this latest non-verbal rejection, or lack of interest by 'her' just fits perfectly with what I know anyway, that women just aren't into me... - quite frankly, that's the automatic thought process in my mind. :/

In all honesty, I've got this inner conviction that a nice/lovely/really cute or beautiful even, woman could not possibly be interested in me. This is like, engraved in my brain. ....and much of the time, beautiful women really do seem to just give me a bored passing glance in return for my (interested) looks at them. Or they downright ignore me. - not nice...

Well, the second point you made is an 'effin' good reminder for me, actually. Because I do tend to interpret women's behaviour like it's all because of me, forgetting such realistic things like them being hung-over, or whatever.

Anyway, I will try out your suggestion this week, to see only the signs that women might be interested in me, and ignore any other signs. I'll report back here, what happened afterwards !

Cheers,
F.G.

 

[ForeignGuy]

Btw, wear a new cologne. Test out on a few products, the smell and look for reviews online and also ask people, just generally what perfume or cologne they use, just to attract more girls.

They like their men who smell good.

P.s (Don't overspend too much on a cologne)
Zac

Cheers for the tip, Zac. ...Now, if I have one fundamental in order, it's my standard of personal hygiene. So, I do wear cologne every day and have a variety of nice fragrances to put on.

But I take your word for it, because I noticed you're an Asian dude, and.... Asian women, man... !!!! 8-P... (Let's just say I've got a 'thing' for them ;-) )

F.G.