Ho Hai Guy, my girlfriend told me, originally ignored her, back in the days before she'd met me. And she considered him charming, and a good guy, so she chased after him and flirted with him a bit. She'd talk to him and try to get him to notice her. She really, honestly, legitimately wanted to date him.
So what'd Ho Hai Guy do? Well, he started spending time talking to her to, and texting her, and going and doing things with her here and there. None of those activities involved the two of them becoming lovers, of course, and with time, my girlfriend came to see Ho Hai Guy as just a friend.
And of course; if you think about it logically, what else would you expect?
Spend a lot of time with a girl doing only friend stuff -- talking, chatting, texting, shopping, going on little outings, having meals -- and absolutely zero lover / boyfriend-girlfriend stuff -- making out, sleeping together -- and you're really soon, really quickly going to get yourself seen as a friend.
Of course, right?
What happens though is that there's an imbalance in information.
Most of the guys who end up in the friend zone don't have many or any women in their lives. So, they move slow, not wanting to mess things up with this girl they like. And they project their realities onto her. She's the only woman in their lives, so they assume they're the only man in hers.
But it isn't that way for most women, especially not if they're pretty and nice and sociable and well-liked. Women like that get a lot of men chasing them, and they have to categorize men fast.
A)So, a guy who tries to take her home fast and rules himself out as a boyfriend and doesn't let her cry on his shoulder goes into the lover category.
B)And the guy who wines her and dines her and sends her romantic messages and steals a kiss here and there goes into the boyfriend category.
C)And the guy who talks to her and goes shopping with her and goes to do little activities with her but never makes a move goes into the friend category, or the "guy chasing after me that I might, someday, in a moment of desperation, be glad to still have around just in case of the off chance I might need him" category.
Here's what you do instead:
You keep things simple, direct, and to-the-point.
You only use texting and phone calls for a very little bit of getting to know a girl.
You primarily use texting and phone calls for setting up dates and handling logistics -- sell her on you in person, not over the phone.
You get her out soon after meeting her, and move fast.
If she's social circle and you've known her for a long time, you make a big push to get her out, and close the deal then.
Aim to get together with girls on Date #1. Why? Because she's out with you, and there's a good chance life intervenes
For your own sanity, adopt a cut off mark for girls. e.g., you might say, "Okay, if we aren't lovers after Date #3, she and I are done."
After you adopt a cut off mark, add a conditional exception
Can someone break this down for me:You get her out soon after meeting her, and move fast. Moving fast is what my issue is.
So what'd Ho Hai Guy do? Well, he started spending time talking to her to, and texting her, and going and doing things with her here and there. None of those activities involved the two of them becoming lovers, of course, and with time, my girlfriend came to see Ho Hai Guy as just a friend.
And of course; if you think about it logically, what else would you expect?
Spend a lot of time with a girl doing only friend stuff -- talking, chatting, texting, shopping, going on little outings, having meals -- and absolutely zero lover / boyfriend-girlfriend stuff -- making out, sleeping together -- and you're really soon, really quickly going to get yourself seen as a friend.
Of course, right?
What happens though is that there's an imbalance in information.
Most of the guys who end up in the friend zone don't have many or any women in their lives. So, they move slow, not wanting to mess things up with this girl they like. And they project their realities onto her. She's the only woman in their lives, so they assume they're the only man in hers.
But it isn't that way for most women, especially not if they're pretty and nice and sociable and well-liked. Women like that get a lot of men chasing them, and they have to categorize men fast.
A)So, a guy who tries to take her home fast and rules himself out as a boyfriend and doesn't let her cry on his shoulder goes into the lover category.
B)And the guy who wines her and dines her and sends her romantic messages and steals a kiss here and there goes into the boyfriend category.
C)And the guy who talks to her and goes shopping with her and goes to do little activities with her but never makes a move goes into the friend category, or the "guy chasing after me that I might, someday, in a moment of desperation, be glad to still have around just in case of the off chance I might need him" category.
Here's what you do instead:
You keep things simple, direct, and to-the-point.
You only use texting and phone calls for a very little bit of getting to know a girl.
You primarily use texting and phone calls for setting up dates and handling logistics -- sell her on you in person, not over the phone.
You get her out soon after meeting her, and move fast.
If she's social circle and you've known her for a long time, you make a big push to get her out, and close the deal then.
Aim to get together with girls on Date #1. Why? Because she's out with you, and there's a good chance life intervenes
For your own sanity, adopt a cut off mark for girls. e.g., you might say, "Okay, if we aren't lovers after Date #3, she and I are done."
After you adopt a cut off mark, add a conditional exception
Can someone break this down for me:You get her out soon after meeting her, and move fast. Moving fast is what my issue is.
