So I got a grasp of what you are trying to promote on this site in terms of general attitude and I'm impressed, so I trust you can also advice me in this particular situation. Let's say I organize boardgaming at my house, it is customary to find players through internet for this and one of the people that started playing with my group is this girl, previously unrelated to any of us, so we are nothing more than gaming partners. If I want to ask her out so we can talk more privately, should I go with her to the city, or since she already is frequenting my house should I invite her for 2 player gaming or something?
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The main thing to ensure is that she knows why you want to get her alone. This will take a bit of balls, just inviting her for gaming is a lower pressure approach but is likely to be interpreted as just a friendly invitation, even if she can connect the dots herself she could easily find it creepy that you present it as one thing when it's another.
How I would approach it is this. When she comes over for regular gaming greet her with a genuine compliment -- you like her eyelashes, her nailpolish, her outfit, her style, something like that. This lets her know you notice her, as more than just a gamer. If you can get a bit of touch in while you greet her (touch her on the arm while ushering her into the house or similar) then so much the better. But you have to use calibration because some of these things might be totally inappropriate, for instance if she arrives in a group, the keyword is being discreet here (I say this from experience having burned myself with at least one workplace girl by putting the moves on her in the presence of friends, etc, when she was clearly attracted originally).
Now you have to find opportunities for conversation, if she arrives early then great, or maybe you can ask her to help you with the refreshments at the appropriate time and take her into the kitchen, or perhaps even during the game you could set up a bit of flirting "okay we are gonna join forces and kick these guys' arses" or similar... but basically you want to ask her as much as possible about herself, how was her day etc, what has she been doing lately and then use this information to get her talking. You also need to mention sex or hot guys or dating or something, as often as possible, just working it into the conversation, so she sees you as a sexual man. All of this could take a few sessions, just take your opportunities where you can and use them (I'm currently running a similar game on a girl who works at the zoo, I only see her on Wednesdays at the ticket booth but things are progressing quite nicely, it's just frustrating when co-workers are present).
As to asking her out, you could try a yes-ladder, wait until she's been telling you some important and emotional stuff about herself, her hopes and dreams etc, then say "this is a really interesting conversation, do you agree?" "yes" "I find you intriguing and I would like to know more about you, do you feel the same way?" "yes" "in that case why don't we exchange numbers and go on a date, or you can just come here to hang at a more convenient time if you're cool with that"... hmm I'm just making this up but I think it would work, provided nothing goes awry in your yes-ladder. Of course I may be preaching to someone who already has good game and your style might be totally different so don't take it literally, just throwing ideas out for you
cheers, Ray
How I would approach it is this. When she comes over for regular gaming greet her with a genuine compliment -- you like her eyelashes, her nailpolish, her outfit, her style, something like that. This lets her know you notice her, as more than just a gamer. If you can get a bit of touch in while you greet her (touch her on the arm while ushering her into the house or similar) then so much the better. But you have to use calibration because some of these things might be totally inappropriate, for instance if she arrives in a group, the keyword is being discreet here (I say this from experience having burned myself with at least one workplace girl by putting the moves on her in the presence of friends, etc, when she was clearly attracted originally).
Now you have to find opportunities for conversation, if she arrives early then great, or maybe you can ask her to help you with the refreshments at the appropriate time and take her into the kitchen, or perhaps even during the game you could set up a bit of flirting "okay we are gonna join forces and kick these guys' arses" or similar... but basically you want to ask her as much as possible about herself, how was her day etc, what has she been doing lately and then use this information to get her talking. You also need to mention sex or hot guys or dating or something, as often as possible, just working it into the conversation, so she sees you as a sexual man. All of this could take a few sessions, just take your opportunities where you can and use them (I'm currently running a similar game on a girl who works at the zoo, I only see her on Wednesdays at the ticket booth but things are progressing quite nicely, it's just frustrating when co-workers are present).
As to asking her out, you could try a yes-ladder, wait until she's been telling you some important and emotional stuff about herself, her hopes and dreams etc, then say "this is a really interesting conversation, do you agree?" "yes" "I find you intriguing and I would like to know more about you, do you feel the same way?" "yes" "in that case why don't we exchange numbers and go on a date, or you can just come here to hang at a more convenient time if you're cool with that"... hmm I'm just making this up but I think it would work, provided nothing goes awry in your yes-ladder. Of course I may be preaching to someone who already has good game and your style might be totally different so don't take it literally, just throwing ideas out for you
cheers, Ray
Thank you for answer. I didn't plan to ask her out as a big thing, instead I wanted to make it sound like not a big deal, as in one of Chase' articles, saying on a high note about hanging out. And for " You also need to mention sex or hot guys or dating or something, as often as possible, just working it into the conversation, so she sees you as a sexual man." I can't even imagine myself saying such things, I have no real game or experience.
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I agree the asking out could be a lot more casual. I'll be honest, I don't always get good results with the strategy outlined above (though I have a date tomorrow from using it). So you should go with what feels natural for you.
As to your conversation you need to sharpen it up bro Think about if you were a woman and you meet a guy. He asks you a bit about yourself, turns out you are doing similar kind of work and you've got hobbies in common too. So you chat about this kind of stuff. You also discuss workmates, friends, discover you've had a lot of experiences in common... the conversation flows very naturally and you spent an hour, two hours together chatting... you think "this guy is cool, he gets me"... then he goes in to kiss you... how do you react? Well, you might be a little surprised/shocked... Firstly you wonder why he didn't give you any indication earlier that he was attracted to you... Secondly you are thinking "this guy would make a cool friend... am I really sure I want to throw away all that value by turning it into a one night stand?"... See where I'm coming from?
Another perspective... you are a guy, you see a hot girl and you immediately want to fuck her. So you approach with the talk about job, hobbies, workmates, friends, ... then suddenly when things are going great you reveal that you want to fuck her and you mean to start getting intimate straightaway. Isn't this a bit passive-aggressive, you're kinda concealing your intentions and then suddenly whacking her with them?
The way to tackle this is to make your intentions straightaway clear at the outset, not by saying "I want to fuck you" (although some of the more advanced guys do do this and have it work), but in a lower pressure way that communicates non-verbally or by implication that you want to fuck her. Also when you mention sex you're basically getting her to think about sex, and because she's talking to you she'll naturally think about sex with you. So she's somewhat prepared when you start to escalate, and quite likely has already decided that she's gonna go for it if the opportunity presents (and I guess asking for a date is a kind of escalation as it moves things closer to sex).
Some examples that I made up are in this thread:
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=7710
However, you should really look to the top guys in the game. The first example (the hairdresser) is my favourite:
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewt...+turning+over+some+ideas+i+bet+you+are#p13655
Good luck.
cheers, Ray
As to your conversation you need to sharpen it up bro
Think about if you were a woman and you meet a guy. He asks you a bit about yourself, turns out you are doing similar kind of work and you've got hobbies in common too. So you chat about this kind of stuff. You also discuss workmates, friends, discover you've had a lot of experiences in common... the conversation flows very naturally and you spent an hour, two hours together chatting... you think "this guy is cool, he gets me"... then he goes in to kiss you... how do you react? Well, you might be a little surprised/shocked... Firstly you wonder why he didn't give you any indication earlier that he was attracted to you... Secondly you are thinking "this guy would make a cool friend... am I really sure I want to throw away all that value by turning it into a one night stand?"... See where I'm coming from?Another perspective... you are a guy, you see a hot girl and you immediately want to fuck her. So you approach with the talk about job, hobbies, workmates, friends, ... then suddenly when things are going great you reveal that you want to fuck her and you mean to start getting intimate straightaway. Isn't this a bit passive-aggressive, you're kinda concealing your intentions and then suddenly whacking her with them?
The way to tackle this is to make your intentions straightaway clear at the outset, not by saying "I want to fuck you" (although some of the more advanced guys do do this and have it work), but in a lower pressure way that communicates non-verbally or by implication that you want to fuck her. Also when you mention sex you're basically getting her to think about sex, and because she's talking to you she'll naturally think about sex with you. So she's somewhat prepared when you start to escalate, and quite likely has already decided that she's gonna go for it if the opportunity presents (and I guess asking for a date is a kind of escalation as it moves things closer to sex).
Some examples that I made up are in this thread:
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=7710
However, you should really look to the top guys in the game. The first example (the hairdresser) is my favourite:
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewt...+turning+over+some+ideas+i+bet+you+are#p13655
Good luck.
cheers, Ray
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You can basically turn any topic sexual, you just have to be creative and have fun with it
Be natural and relax when you talk about it and MUST calibrate to her. Books - you can talk about exotic novels.
Pets - share stories about dirty things your pet do
Music - mention some songs that are really sexual.
Drinks - funny drunk stories. One night stands.
Online game - can talk about how games these days use sexy women to advertise, and you can't help but play those games
...etc.
Make sure you qualify her. basically telling her why you like her.
Like Ray mentioned, you must touch her. It communicates your intent clearly.
Good luck bro!
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- 798
Garet said:
I think you're mis-interpreting it a little.
With conversation, yes, you need to work it in.
But in terms of asking her out, you need to make sure she knows you are taking her out with romantic interest. If you try to play it off like "we're 2 friends just hanging" without any sort of sexual vibe set up, then if she agrees, she'll quickly turn off if you suddenly go from "friendly dude hanging out as friends", then turn it into a "date" half way through the night, it's too big a shift.
She needs to be showing up already expecting this is a date but it should be an underlying vibe based on your interactions.
I feel like you might be coming in totally under the radar hoping she'll suddenly fall for you.
A much better strategy is to see her again in the group but you need to change your vibe with her, she needs to feel you're an attractive guy and you're interactions always have that "underlying meaning" of maybe not just a friendly chat. Once you ask her out on her own, then she knows its on, without even explicitly saying "date".