Question on Complimenting a Girl

[TheWiseFool]

There is this girl who comes to the tutoring center I tutor at to hangout with her friends who tutor there. Every time she speaks I just want to do "bad" things to her right then and there because her voice IS SO DAMN SEXY! My God I can't control myself sometimes I have to walk out of the room and get some fresh air. The feeling is equivalent to that of Christian Grey wanting to fuck Anastasia Steele everytime she bites her lip.

Point being, I just want to tell her how sexy her voice is but she's always with her friends, so I've just gotten to that point where I'm just going to get her attention by asking her for her name and then telling her outright, not giving a damn what anyone else thinks.

My question is, would this be a wise thing to do? I equate such an action with directly approaching a girl on a bus and asking if she's single and then she shoots you down and the rest of the ride is awkward as hell, except in my case, the bust ride lasts for a LONG time.

Is there a better way to go about doing this or is that what a "sexy" guy would do: does and says what he wants with confidence and a devil my care attitude?

 

[rocky]

I wouldn't advice telling her she has a sexy voice as an opener, unless you have a solid follow through game, you will come off creepy. Instead tell her she has a great voice. Then later in the convo you can tell her her voice is sexy.

 

[TheWiseFool]

I didn't have in mind to go after her or pursue her. Sort of like stating an observation. The last time I did something like this the girl ended up coming to find me, and what I thought was just friendly conversation ended up with me somehow taking her home to close the deal. But that was before GC so I didn't persist when I caught her off guard with a kiss right at her door (I was happy with just that and I thought the girl thought I was a creep for kissing her, when she was just surprised and caught off guard since I was in the spur of the moment and gave no warning to my forthcoming actions). Anyways, instances like that when I just do things for the hell of it, no plan and just getting things off my chest always end up better, but I only have 2 reference experiences while some guys have 10, 20, or 30+ more.

Nonethless, I do agree with you which is why I ask. I don't even know if it is even worth asking for more opinions to base my decision on or if I should just do it and live with the results... either I tell her and get on with life or continue to listen to her sexy, lustful voice.

Thanks!

 

[bassman]

I think you are on the right track here with being forth right about it since it seems you are pretty confident in saying this in front of her group. But honestly I would change the word "sexy" to something just a little less obvious such as "you have a very attractive voice" or "you have a very enchanting voice" or "lovely, alluring, or charming". . You don't want to put too much social pressure on her in front of everybody. You get the point.

I would just give her that compliment along with a sexy smile and let her ponder your compliment the rest of the tutoring session while you pay her no mind. Then later when her sessions over go talk to her.

Even if it doesn't go your way, it's still good to push the boundaries and comfort zones.

Good luck Wise

 

[PinotNoir]

Do it! No harm done.

To prevent awkwardness (as it sounds like you'll have to see this girl very often?), bassman actually has good advice that has worked for me. You give her a nice compliment in a socially savvy way, and then go back to what you're doing. You then either wait to isolate her, or better, she'll come see you. (This has worked for me at restaurants that I frequent often, as you don't want to feel awkward/uncomfortable in the future.)

*Walk up to the group and make your presence known by being close and eye contact*
"I don't mean to interject...."
*While saying this, slight eye contact at people in the group*
*Now, strong eye contact on her*
"...but, I couldn't help overhear your voice. Typically, I wouldn't do such a thing as this, but I have to say that you have one soothing, exquisite voice."
> "Thank you!"
"Don't mention it. Do you have a name to match your voice?"
> "Haha, well, I guess so. It's Jessica."
"Just as exquisite to the ears....", said with playfulness.
"I'm TWF. It's a pleasure to meet you. Well, I'll let you get back to what you're doing. I hope that we can talk more some time."
*End scene*

And that's how it's done!

Possible awkward thing that can occur:

> "Oh, thanks, but I have boyfriend."
"Oh, I was just giving you a compliment. I really do find your voice soothing. And, actually, I have a girlfriend." (White lie.)


This relates to our PMs, but remember, you're just going to laugh about this next year and all will be forgotten (and probably never see this girl again next year). My pseudo-natural friend is super ballsy/confident. He asks girls out at restaurants we frequent, in groups, wherever. I don't know why -- probably just through tons of experience -- but he never feels awkward/uncomfortable if he sees them again and just beams with a genuine smile and says that it's nice to see them again. No big deal. So, if you can build up the courage, you can just ask her out in front of the group.


Lastly.... there are some unique ways to go about this if you ever want to. You can give the compliment above and then do something cheesy like hand her a note with a short message and your phone number, and then tell her to open it up after the group meeting (i.e., privately). Heck, you can have my cellphone # and call me up. Then go up to her and be like, "Excuse me, there's a call for you," and hand your phone to her. Then I'll tell her that you think her voice is attractive and want a date, but to not make a big deal in front of her friends haha. Or, you could have a buddy do this with you on the other end of the room relaxing. Then you can wave to her and tell her that you think she's attractive, while sitting comfortably away from all of the awkwardness. Use your imagination

 

[TheWiseFool]

Thanks guys,

She wasn't there today so I am hoping for tomorrow. So the consensus is to not tell her she is sexy but something else,

something just a little less obvious such as "you have a very attractive voice" or "you have a very enchanting voice" or "lovely, alluring, or charming". . You don't want to put too much social pressure on her in front of everybody. You get the point.

and then go back to what you're doing.

Thanks Pinot for providing the plan for the "I have a boyfriend" contingency haha

> "Oh, thanks, but I have boyfriend."
"Oh, I was just giving you a compliment. I really do find your voice soothing. And, actually, I have a girlfriend." (White lie.)

This relates to our PMs, but remember, you're just going to laugh about this next year and all will be forgotten (and probably never see this girl again next year).

I have been laughing about something already with one girl and it's only been a week so you are right ^_^

My pseudo-natural friend is super ballsy/confident. He asks girls out at restaurants we frequent, in groups, wherever. I don't know why -- probably just through tons of experience -- but he never feels awkward/uncomfortable if he sees them again and just beams with a genuine smile and says that it's nice to see them again. No big deal. So, if you can build up the courage, you can just ask her out in front of the group.

Asking her out in front of her friends seems like the only option since she is either entering in with them, talking to them, or leaving with them. Based on how I've handled one girl there already, which is the same as your friend, I believe I will be alright if this girl rejects me, which is highly possible because of social pressure; but that hasn't stopped me from doing "stupid" things before!

Thanks guys!

 

[TheWiseFool]

So, the girl with the sexy voice did not show up today. BUT, her friend walks in, who has tons of lover value, walks in. She sees me and I glance at her before returning to my work expecting she is going to sit somewhere else other than next to me. Turns out, out of all the 7 other chairs, she comes over and places her coat on the chair next to me. In my head I'm thinking, "It's on," and a grin spreads across the side of my face she can't see. She places her coat down and then walks towards the exit to go do something; I check her out and she has a cute face, amazing body. Tight blue jeans and this really nice navy blue jacket, and a white scarf with brown polkadots. As I'm watching her walk out my ego is saying, "Dude... do something please..." I check the clock and it is 11:47 am. I'm thinking, damn I have couple of minutes before people begin coming in cos tutors come in every hour to take their shifts. I don't really know what to say but when she gets back she is setting up her stuff very slow and proper and cautious like, which is completely different from her behavior on Tuesday when she is talking like crazy. There is obvious tension in the air, not Cuban missile crisis status, but it felt like it, at least for me it did. I do take note of her perfume which smells nice. I make that as my "in" for talking to her. I also remembered that she jokingly called me the name of some other guy who shares the same heritage as me. So one of the two would serve as my opener.

She gets her stuff together and sits down. At first I don't say anything because I'm really fucking nervous for whatever reason, but I keep telling myself, "Just have fun. Just have fun. The hell with it man." I check my watch one more time, it is 11:53, and I am thinking, "Fucking damnit cmon! Do something pleeeaasssseeeee!!!!" I notice she is making sure to keep a good image in front of me, sitting up on the edge of her seat, straight back just like the last girl; when someone speaks to her, she picks her words carefully rather than how she was behaving on tuesday, very boisterous and flamboyant in front of her friends. I decide that she is waiting on me, "What do I have to lose?" I clench my teeth and take a huge mental sigh and think, "Okay."

*I've learned the hard lesson of how important it is to preopen someone, man or woman, before speaking to them. Usually people hear me, but when they don't and I feel like a total idiot waiting for them to turn or repeat myself again, but louder. So, to prevent this, I lightly placed my hand on her upper arm*
Me: Hey
*She looks at me with this "you talking to me" look*
Her: Hmmm?
Me: We've never been introduced before but I just had to tell you that I like the smell of your perfume. * It reminds me of a good friend of mine.
Her: Oh thanks! *She smiles, but her eyes light up in a way that indicates being either surprised and creeped out or surprised and elated to what I said, maybe both*
Me: What's your name by the way?
Her: *Her name* and you?
Me: Eric
*I reach out my hand and gently shake hers and I turn to my work and she gets back to Facebook*
Me: and I like your name too, it's... unique.
*A student came in to complain about housing issues which prompted a discussion with everyone in the room. Then two more people came in, one of the tutors and a grad student I've mentioned before. The fear of putting social pressure got to me and I dropped the conversation by telling her "It was nice to meet you" before turning back to my work and her getting back to her laptop and listening to the current situation. I interjected here and there but listened more than I spoke cos I don't really know much about the whole situation and didn't want to be some blabbering, opinionated fool (many lessons relearned).*
*After 10 more minutes there, I leave a little early for class. When I know I am out of sight from anyone, I playfully punch the air saying, "Yah yah yah!!!"*

Besides my failings to continue the conversation, I felt pretty damn happy even though I didn't show it except for this slight grin on my face. HUGE WEIGHT lifted off of my shoulders and took note of that rush of serotonin! I don't know why I felt more rewarded with this girl vs HTM. My only reasoning is that I wasn't as attracted to HTM as I was this girl. HTM was very eager and excited from the beginning and this girl I know is interested for sure, but she definitely handled herself better or I am more attracted to her physically than I was for HTM. I know this probably sounds like nothing, but it is a lot to me, especially since I haven't approached a girl in forever, which is still a problem cos I need to develop my cold approaching skills prior to graduation when I will actually have to walk up to women and open them from that point forward.

Things to do in the future, sit next to her again and start a conversation and deep dive her. I'm guessing people ask her about her name a lot it is quite unique; therefore, I'll probably ask her about her major and what she wants to do with that and if that is what she wants to do for the rest of her life or does she have other plans.

Thanks guys for giving me that little tiny push!

Extra Afterthoughts: After reading the actual interaction itself, I can't help but laugh because there was so much pressure prior to actually speaking. I think the fault is in over-thinking and worrying too much. The only way to combat this, at least for over-analytical individuals like myself, is to cut the mind off and just jump in and run the gamut with no plan whatsoever. Thinking about it more, I feel like that is how naturals act like. They just do shit and they don't care if they get shot down or not as Pinot said. There's this relieving effect that you feel and this surge of reward and accomplishment. Imagining that with multiple girls in a day or week... wow!!! But then again, the brain develops habitualization to prevent us from repeating the same action over and over again. Still worth it though, to experience that period and remember it as being exciting and new. I just hope it is as refreshing and exciting and new as those times as it is when I meet my wife, if I ever settle down in the future. I'm sure I will though. I tend to remember a lot of things, whether it be the first time or the last time, I remember them. The psychology term serial position effect comes to mind: we are more likely to remember things that occur at the beginning and at the end than we do those that occur in the middle. I gain some peace with that worrying about the specialness of meaning my wife than because I know she will be the last woman I will ever try to seduce, date, or anything of the sort, granted I remain a high value man.

 

[PinotNoir]

Awesome job, man. The first step is always the hardest.

It's funny because back in college I felt the exact same way when I asked out a girl in the library for the first time. It was like a roller coaster ride -- fun. The whole thing is built up while waiting in line and finally sitting down; this huge amount of anticipation; and then when the ride starts and finishes, you just get this huge rush. What's great is that there's always some new situation that still it makes it feel like a roller coaster ride. The first time you approach someone in line for coffee; the first time you approach a girl in a group; the first time you approach a girl at the park; etc. It all gives you a nice high, and then pushing past that still gives it to you. Let's say now you're comfortable approaching girls at the library, but you haven't taken it further yet. So, next time you ask her out, and so on. Even if you get rejected, you get the adrenaline rush. I think all guys are secret adrenaline junkies And it's a great feeling to have (especially since asking out women gives it to you in a safe way, unlike driving 120mph in the rain).