Question on Madonna-Whore

[Marty]

When I was much younger, there was a sort of dichotomy in how I perceived girls I was attracted to. When I became aware of them I could react in one of two ways:

- Either I was captivated by them sexually only, i.e. I longed to give them a good pounding, but that was pretty much it; or

- I developed an "instant crush": in caricature, I saw them surrounded by multicolored hearts, stars and butterflies


This has worn considerably off as I have grown older. Was this a vestige of Madonna-Whore?


More importantly, is this important in female perception of male behavior? Reading this site, I have developed the impression that women who like a man will be pleased to see him show sexual interest, in a socially calibrated way of course, but abhor and despise indications of the "hearts-and-butterflies" bit showing through from his actions. Is that correct? Why?

 

[Thedoctor]

Marty,

Being a "sexy man" is definitely a crucial part of solid fundamentals. As you said, It's important to project to others that you're sexy without being creepy.

To answer your question, I think the problem with "hearts and butterflies" isn't that women don't want that too, it's that a lot of guys do that stuff WAY too early on and overkill it. Being overly romantic early on can come off as extremely needy. But I think it does have a place in a long term relationship, and only in a long term relationship. This is a good way to spice things up to keep her from getting bored (girls will ALWAYS get bored). If she's used to you being a laid back sexy man who she spends most of the time chasing, she'll be really caught off guard (and thus, not bored) if you surprise her with a romantic gesture.

However, every girl is different in the frequency of these gestures. If she's more independent, space these out more to make sure you're just reminding her you care about her, not that you're becoming overly needy. Everything in life is about finding that right balance. Girls want the "bad boy" with a bit of "nice guy" attached. The amount of each varies with each girl, but safer to lean more towards "bad boy" than "nice guy" and fine tuning as the relationship progresses.

It's no different than us guys. The old saying "Lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets" is the same idea.

Hope this clears up the confusion.

-Doc