Tom / Franco-
TomGray said:
Hello, all. I have a question regarding the advanced relationship schematic Chase has set up (talk about a mouthful). I don't understand how we are supposed to be unattainable and date other women while in a relationship with a girlfriend that we expect not to cheat on us. Wouldn't she feel hurt that we are not being faithul and hypocritical? Or is it that we should only date other women if it has already been established that it is not an exclusive thing? Or is it that we don't expect her to cheat but have set up expectations that we can never be tamed but be such awesome men that she doesn't want to leave?
Franco said:
I don't remember Chase condoning this anywhere in his material. This would be lying to your woman as well as making a promise you aren't keeping (by telling her you're exclusive and then seeing other women).
Actually, I have traditionally ran relationships this way, albeit without out-and-out lying (I used to just tell girls straight up "I'm not a one girl guy" and then imply without directly stating it that I expected fidelity on their ends).
It's possible to run these relationships - I actually had even hardcore pickup friends who could not understand how the women I was dating would tolerate being in them, and tried creating endless explanations and rationalizations for why girls would accept relationships like that with me instead of breaking up with me and getting a guy who'd be exclusive ("It's because she must be desperate!" - no dude, she's beautiful, a charisma machine, and gets any man she wants) - but for most guys it's probably more trouble than it's worth.
There's nothing wrong with standard monogamy - it's a much simpler relationship system to run than one-sided monogamy, which, yes, IS very dramatic, and also has the unintended consequence of having girls fall TREMENDOUSLY hard for you, because the more people subvert what they think they want and accept new and unusual rules to be with you, the more convinced they become that you must be truly exceptional to have them tolerate something they think is outside the bounds of acceptability.
Anyway, if learning mastery of relationships and pickup simultaneously is your primary goal, and you don't mind enduring reams of self-doubt wondering if you're a bad person and causing her irreparable damage despite your honesty and despite her telling you (when she's happy) that you're right about relationships and you're the best thing that's ever happened to her, and you don't mind dealing with tidal waves of extreme emotions (highly negative and highly positive) from your girlfriends, one-sided monogamy is an excellent teacher.
If you have anything else you need to focus on in your life, however, it's a huge distraction and energy drain and probably not worth doing - you're fighting society, which is telling women day in and day out that they need ONE man who is 100% faithful to them, and that's IT. You can tell her until you're blue in the face that those rules only apply to unexceptional, average men, and that men like you cannot be tied down and you don't want to lie about her and hurt her like most exceptional men do, but every time you appease her stress, anger, and tension, she goes out the next day, talks to friends and colleagues, and comes back upset all over again the next time you see her.
It's a roller coaster ride... and I only recommend it if you're an insane boundary-tester like I am, and you legitimately think you deserve something more than what average men aspire to.
Traditional two-way monogamy is the non-crazy man's best option.
Chase
